Matthew Dunn - Spycatcher

Then he stopped in surprise.

His destination was directly in front of him and approximately thirty meters from where he was now standing. But a man and a woman were standing right where he wanted to be. Umbrellas shielded their heads, and their arms were interlinked. They stood motionless and silent, looking downward, their backs to him. They were well dressed and looked like visiting executives. Will rubbed a hand over his face to wipe away water, took two steps forward, then stopped again. He felt unsure what to do. He knew that the couple could be random tourists, as the cemetery was filled with dead celebrities, academics, politicians, and famous writers and therefore had become a ghoulish attraction of sorts. But he wondered what kind of tourists would come out on a day like today and stand in a part of the cemetery that held dead people of no particular notoriety or interest.

He walked toward them slowly and silently. They did not move, and Will was sure that they were unaware of his presence. He stopped again, breathed in deeply, and sighed. He now knew exactly who they were.

He looked left and right, wondering whether he should turn around and quietly remove himself from this place. He almost did exactly that. But then he silently cursed and looked back at the couple. He felt his stomach tighten and cramp over his wounds, felt a wave of sickness. He breathed deeply again to try to calm himself while rain pelted his exposed face. He shook his head, made a decision, and spoke loudly enough to be sure he could be heard by the people before him.

“Sarah. Sarah. It’s Will.”

He watched the couple turn quickly toward him, saw their umbrellas rise to expose their faces and give them a sight of him, saw the man’s face shift from surprise to anger and the woman’s mouth open slightly before closing. The man took one step away from Will, stumbled, then tried to pull the woman after him. The woman stood still and seemed to resist her companion’s efforts to get her to move.

Will raised his flowers and an open palm. “I didn’t know you would be here. How could I?”

The man pointed at Will and shouted, “Go away! You shouldn’t be here.” He turned quickly to the woman and said in a quieter voice, “Come on, Sarah, let’s go.”

Will stood still. So did the woman.

She glanced at her companion, uttered something inaudible to him, and broke free from his grip. The man replied and strode off, stopping out of earshot of the woman but not out of sight.

The woman glanced at the ground, causing her long blond hair to fall straight downward and hide her face briefly. She smiled and then did not do so, looked back up at something before turning her attention directly to Will. Her expression was sharp, her features stunning.

She beckoned to Will and said, “Come closer so that I can see you properly.”

Will hesitated for a moment. He looked at the man and saw that he was watching them both, that he looked even angrier, that he looked possibly scared. Will turned back to Sarah. He hadn’t seen her for eight years. She was his sister.

“Come closer.” Sarah’s voice was both delicate and strong.

Will glanced again at the man and nodded at him, even though he knew that the action would do nothing to placate him. He gripped the flowers tightly and walked to Sarah. Once he stood before her, he wondered if he should try to kiss her on the cheek. But he just stood there and allowed the rain to stream down his face and neck.

Sarah looked barely older than when he’d last seen her. She was tall for a woman, only a few inches shorter than Will, and slim and beautiful. But her clothes looked very different from the attire Will had last seen her wearing. Back then she had been dressed in jeans and a T-shirt; now she was wearing an expensive suit underneath an open raincoat. He briefly wondered if the nearby man, who Will knew was called James and was her husband and was a senior partner in one of the top London law firms, had bought her the clothes. But he knew that Sarah would never allow anyone to spend money on her. She had always been fiercely independent. She had always believed that she must succeed in life without asking anything of anyone but herself.

Will tried to smile but felt nervous and uneasy, even though he was glad to be with his sister. He coughed and repeated, “I had no idea you would be here.”

Sarah raised her umbrella higher over her head. Her eyes flickered. “As you say, how could you have? I’ve not been here for a while, and when I do come, it’s on a whim.”

Will nodded slowly and asked, “How have you been?”

She smiled slightly. “Is that what you really want to ask me?”

Will shrugged. “It’s a normal question.”

Sarah shook her head quickly. “It’s a question that you should know would take me much too long to answer. Therefore it’s either stupid or thoughtless, or you’re asking it simply because you don’t know what else to say.”

So Will said nothing. Rain hit him harder. Sarah held her umbrella quite still.

She seemed to be examining him and narrowed her eyes before asking, “Why are you here?”

Will glanced down before looking up. “You know why.”

“What I know, my brother, is that this may be the first time you’ve ever come here.” Sarah’s words sounded hard, but her eyes glistened and they didn’t seem as cold as her voice. “At least the first time since it happened.”

Will nodded and looked around. Trees were bare of leaves and shoots, stone headstones and monuments were dimpled with age, and everywhere smelled of winter. But despite their purpose, the grounds around him seemed oddly alive and felt as though they were closing in on him. He looked once more at Sarah. “I’ve been away. Now I’m back, and in a few hours’ time I’ll be away again. I came here because I needed to come.”

Sarah huffed. “That’s just like you.”

Will frowned.

She, too, looked around, then back at Will. “Just like you to avoid spending time with the living in London but instead choose to come and spend it with the dead.”

Will felt anger surge through him. “Sarah, that’s not fair-”

“But not incorrect.”

He breathed slowly and tried to control his anger while simultaneously wondering why he was angry. He knew that he could never really be angry with Sarah. He smiled gently and nodded once. “Without wishing to sound stupid again, may I ask whether you are okay?”

As he saw Sarah’s eyes flicker again, he suspected that her fierce intellect would be tempted to produce another riposte, but instead she spoke softly. “I’m doing very well in my job and will make partner in the law firm next year. I make a good living, have a lovely house, may have children soon, and am married to a man”-she glanced over at James-“who is kind and clumsy and funny and forgetful and boring and loyal.” She looked back at Will. “I am happy with my life, happy with everything, happy that I survived the worst of it all and found the strength to do normal things with normal people.” Her eyes softened and fixed directly on Will’s. “You of all people must see that and understand what I’ve just said.”

“I do.” Will understood exactly what she’d said, plus the hidden meaning within her words. “I also know you’re very lucky to have those things.”

Sarah shook her head. “No. I got them through effort and application, not luck.”

Will smiled. “Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have happiness and I don’t.”

“How could I make that mistake? I don’t know you anymore.” Sarah frowned and took a step closer to him. She lowered her voice. “But I still understand how you think.”

“You always were the clever one.”

“But not as dangerously clever as you.”