Rick Mofina - If Angels Fall

When he witnessed the birth of their son, he felt adegree of love he never know existed. But soon, he grappled with his ownmortality. It frightened him, overwhelmed him with the realization that he hadlittle time in his life for accomplishments. He was a father. He feared hewould fail fatherhood. He compensated the only way he knew: by striving throughhis job to leave Zach a legacy as a man who had made his mark. Someone Zachcould be proud of. Consequently, the Star became his mistress andfamily. It seemed Ann and Zach became people he appreciated only when needed.They shared the groceries and the furniture. On the surface, he was like anyother young husband and father. In truth, he only gave of himself when it wasconvenient. It was cute how Zach imitated him and wanted to be a reporter, justlike his daddy. It was reassuring how Ann understood that he never had time forthem. But something was crumbling, little by little, day by day. Reed was blindto what had happened, oblivious to Ann’s achievement of single-handedly gettingher small shop of the ground while raising Zach alone. He had become a strangerforcing them to survive without him.

His fuckup last year on Tanita Marie Donner’s murderbrought it all to the surface. He had deceived himself about priorities. Whathe invested every day in the pursuit of vainglory could be had by anyone forfifty cents. But the price exacted from his family and himself wasincalculable. Now he was alone in his room with everything he had thoughtvaluable: his awards, his jobs, himself, and a pile of newspapers threateningto spill across the floor.

How could he have been so stupid?

What had he done to Ann? To Zach? He was so sorry. Hehad to call them. Had to tell them. Right now. He heard the chink of glass ashe rose to go to the phone and nearly fell down. It was three-thirty in themorning. He was drunk. Forget it. Staggering to bed, he noticed the MetroUniversity envelope sticking from his jacket pocket. Scanning the latter aboutDr. Martin’s bereavement research, he scoffed and tossed it. Then he sawanother envelope in his jacket, from the photo department. The borrowedsnapshot of Danny Raphael Becker. Someone had slipped it in his pocket with anote suggesting he return it to the Beckers in person. He looked at it for along time. Well, this was one story he wouldn’t be fucking up. Tenderly, hepropped up Danny’s picture on the mantel next to the little framed photographof his son, Zach.

The phone jangled. Half asleep, Reed grabbed it.

“You up Reed?”

“No.”

Silence. Reed squeezed the receiver. “Who the hell isthis?”

The caller sighed “You sober, Reed?”

Myron Benson’s voice rattled him out of drowsiness.Since the fuckup, the metro editor no longer acknowledged Reed in the newsroom.Why was he calling? Bored tormenting him with probation? Did he reach adecision on Reed’s fate? Reed hadn’t seen today’s paper. Did he screw up? Wasthat it? Was Benson going to fire him now?

“What do you want?”

“Read your story today. Good job getting the father.”

Reed waited for the “but”

“I want you to cover the Becker press conferencetoday.”

Reed sat up. “Duggan told me last night you pulled meoff the story”

“Changed my mind. For now, you will now be involved inour coverage. I want to see where this abduction thing is going.”

“Well, I have a few theories.”

“Shove ‘em up your ass. I want solid reporting.Understand?”

“I understand.” That you’re a fucking prick.

“I also want a feature on Dr. Martin’s bereavementresearch at the university. I read her letter. Tie it in with the Becker case.”

“Right”

“And Reed, any incompetence will be noted.”

Like pulling wings off of flies. You loving thisBenson?

Quit moping and do something about it, he decided aftershaving and dressing. He had under an hour before the press conference. No timefor breakfast. He snatched two bananas to eat on the way. Remembering to grabthe snapshot of Danny Becker from the mantel brought him face-to-face with Ann,Zach, and his own guilt.

Quit moping. Do something.

He checked his watch

He punched the number, it had been weeks since theyhad talked. What if she called a lawyer? How would he begin? I love you andZach more than anything and I want us back together. He now realized he may bewrong and was ready to admit it.

It rang twice.

“Hello?” Ann’s mother said.

“Hello, Doris.”

“Oh, hello Tom.” No Malice. Doris was not aninterfering mother-in-law. She was always pleasant to him.

“I see you been busy.” Doris was a faithful Star reader.

“Yes.” Not knowing what to say, he said, “I hopeyou’re well.”

“I’m fine, Tom. And you.”

:Me?” He saw the empty Jack Daniel’s bottle. “I’mokay.”

“It’s so terribly sad, don’t you think?”

Was she referring to the kidnapping, or her daughter’smarriage to him? She continued. “That little boy, Danny Becker. His mother andfather must be sick with worry.”

“I’m sure they are.”

The extension clicked.

“Tom…?”

Ann’s voice was balm to him. For he accepted that hecould have been wrong and wanted to tell her. She and Zach were his life. Heknew he could not live without them and he wanted to tell her. But he didn’t.

All he managed was, “Hi Ann.”

“Hi. How are you doing?”

“Well, I’ve been better. How are you doing?”

“We’re fine.”

“Do you guys need anything?”

“Nothing.”

“How’s the car running?”

“The transmission feels funny.”

“It was starting to slip just before you…” Hestopped himself before saying: just before you left me. “Take it to Otto’s. Thewarranty’s still good.”

“Okay.”

“Want me to make the appointment?”

“I’ll do it.”

A few awkward seconds passed.

“I read your story today about this horrible kidnapping.If anything ever Zach…”

“They’re going hard on the investigation. I’m headingto a press conference. Ann, I want to see you, to talk about things.”

“It’s Zach, isn’t it?”

Zach? He was puzzled. “Why do you say that?”

“I thought he might have called you. He’s been havingnightmares.” Her voice became a whisper. “He misses you.”

“He misses me?”

Reed seethed with conflicting emotions. What did youexpect, Ann? You paint me as some evil leper because I enjoy my job. You yankhim out of the only home he’s known, take him away from his friends, hisneighborhood. He’s probably scared to death of this kidnapping shit. He’s gotto get up at five-thirty every morning now to be driven across the goddamnedbay to school. He’s had to miss soccer, which he lives for. You throw hislittle world into a goddamn blender. He misses what you took him away from: hishome.

Hold everything.

He was wrong. Only a fool would blame Ann. Blameyourself, Reed.

“I miss both of you,” he said.

“Then why haven’t you come to him?”

“When you moved to Berkeley I took it to mean that youdidn’t want to see me. I swear that’s what I thought you wanted. I had to fightthe urge to see you. I used to park down the street from your mother’s house,hoping to catch a glimpse of you.”

“You did?”

“I don’t know what the rules are, Ann.”

“Zach came home from school one day, asking about youand when we were going to stop being mad and all move back home.”

“He cuts through the crap, doesn’t he?”

They both chuckled faintly, leaving Zach’s questionalone.

“Ann, I want to get together. I have some things Iwant to say.”

“Well, Zach’s been waiting to visit you at the paper.Why don’t we drop by and have lunch sometime this week?”