David Duffy - Last to Fold

I found one in the drawer and went looking for some mood music. Sketches of Spain was still on the CD player. I pushed PLAY and went back to the kitchen. She started around the room, wineglass in hand, too-small nose wrinkled in distaste, the rest of her smiling in fun.

“Wine not up to your standards?” I said.

“Passable, barely. Music sounds like a hermit’s funeral. Stoned hermit.”

“Not a Miles fan?”

“Ain’t no Bob Wills, that’s for sure.”

I switched to Bach cantatas. Her frown moderated a little. Bach wasn’t her thing either, but she didn’t complain. I left it on, hoping he’d grow on her. Bach usually does.

“What’s this?” She held up a small glass case with a medal inside.

“Order of Lenin.”

“Hey! That’s a big deal, isn’t it?”

“Used to be.”

“How’d you get it?”

“Recruited some useful agents.”

“So, you not only worked for the government that jailed your mother for no reason, you did such a good job they gave you a medal?”

“That’s right.”

“You weren’t kidding about Russian irony. How’d you make out with the ex-wife?”

“I survived.”

“Tell me about her.”

“That outfit is very becoming.”

“Your eyes are taking it off. Don’t change the subject.”

“It’s only fair. You undressed me.”

“Not out of choice. Come on, I’m curious.”

“I’m crushed.”

“Don’t be. We might get to what your dirty mind is thinking, but you’re not up to it yet. What about your wife?”

“She was the daughter of a general in the GRU—military intelligence. Lithuanian mother. Her father distrusted me because I was KGB. He was a drunk, a bad drunk, so bad, he got run out of the army. Then he did some really stupid things and got sent to the Gulag. Family went from privilege to periphery to poverty. Polina was crushed; she doted on him. I don’t think she ever recovered, but I didn’t see it at the time.

“We were married in 1980, had a son in 1983. Partly because of her old man, and partly because of my own fears, I never told her about my past, my Gulag past. Iakov had buried that, or so I thought. We had our ups and downs, perhaps more than most. By 1989 it was all over. I hadn’t seen any of them since—until a week ago.”

“Okay, I’m hooked. What happened?”

“Nineteen eighty-eight, I was posted in the New York rezidentura for the second time. The rezident —chief of station—was one Lachko Barsukov, who was fast climbing a ladder many thought would end as chief of the entire KGB. But Lachko’s always been greedy. He and another guy were running a side business, ordering everything from champagne to truffles to designer dresses on the consulate’s tab, shipping it all home, where his brother sold it on the black market.”

“What’s that have to do with you?”

“One of my agents ratted him. Lachko screwed him on a deal, not knowing he was working for us. I turned Lachko in.”

“This is better than a soap opera.”

“Iakov leaned on me hard not to testify. I made the worst decision of my life—and I didn’t even know how bad it would turn out to be. Honor versus loyalty. I opted for loyalty.”

“Lots of people would have made the same choice.”

“True enough. It’s still the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. At the same time, I couldn’t deny Iakov—I still believe that today—so I was screwed no matter what I did.”

“You’re being too hard.”

“The story’s not finished. I’d already set certain processes in motion. Stopping them wasn’t so easy in the KGB. I recanted, prevaricated, tied myself in knots to back off. Lachko and Iakov had plenty of enemies—you don’t get to where they were without them. They thought they had Lachko in their sights. Ultimately, without me, there wasn’t enough of a case. Lachko got a slap on the wrist, but the damage was done. He was tainted. His climb to the top of the Cheka was over. He still blames me for that.”

“That explains his attitude the other night. But what’s this got to do with your wife?”

“Lachko wanted revenge. He mounted a campaign of innuendo, based on my zek past. He knew how to use that kind of information, especially in a closed system where everyone talks to the same people every day. Once started, a good rumor could spend weeks going round and round the circuit.”

“Wait a minute! Iakov didn’t do anything to help? He couldn’t get Lachko to stop?”

“Maybe he tried, I don’t know. We weren’t speaking much by then. But it’s also one of life’s lessons—don’t expect father to turn against son.”

“He hung you out?”

“He did what he thought was right.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. And you still stick up for this prick?”

“I still owe him. The whispers got around to Polina. She was horrified—at the idea of being married to a zek and at the prospect of her life crumbling again. I realize now how much I underestimated the dept of her insecurity. She married me as much for stability as for love. I was a Chekist on the way up, Nomenklatura, privileged class—important factors for someone who’d seen her family fall as far as she had. Then all that unravels—all at once. My KGB career is effectively over—and I’m a zek, beneath the lowest of the low, right down there with her disgraced old man. I can almost sympathize with her.”

“She didn’t sympathize with you.”

“No. She blamed me for the whole disaster. She took our son and left. I’d counted on something like that, but I didn’t appreciate how far she’d go. I found out when she started carrying on affairs with my fellow officers—three of them—in ways that were bound to bring notice. That sounds harsh, but I don’t believe there was any love involved on her part, only hatred and vengeance. She was out to ruin my career and make sure I couldn’t challenge over custody. She knew the Cheka had no room for indiscretion and her recklessness would mean my dismissal—or worse.”

“No wonder you’re the pain in the ass you are. What did you do?”

“I put an end to it. I found out before she got too far. Iakov tipped me off.”

“And?”

“I was drinking a lot—Russian response to everything, especially crisis, but one day I woke up and realized I had to take control. Life presents an endless series of choices, some bigger than others. Whatever Polina and I had was shattered, I understood that. I could’ve fought her for custody. Might’ve won, but I’d be out of a job and in no shape to take care of my son. Or I could make a deal with the devil—in this case, one of his earthly representatives. Polina could raise Aleksei, with my support. I wouldn’t interfere, I wouldn’t even be a known factor. As if I never existed, a zek ’s destiny. In return she had to cease the campaign to ruin me, for the sake of the three of us. She took the bargain and so far as I know stuck to it. I didn’t reckon on her marrying Lachko, but I’m not omniscient. In retrospect, she was grasping for security and still trying to get even. He’d always had a thing for her, and he wanted to get even, too.”

“Perfect fit.”

“Yeah. Iakov pulled some strings and I was given an assignment in San Francisco. That was a time-buyer. I was back in Moscow in two years, behind a desk, which I hated. When the opportunity presented itself to call it quits, I did, and moved here. Started over.”

“That’s some story.”

I’d told it straight, as it seemed today, a couple of decades later. Memory simplifies, but it plays tricks, too, and the more time it has, the more mischief it gets up to. I tell myself I did what I did for the love of my son, and most of the time I believe it. Once in a while, though, I ask myself which is stronger—love or the instinct for survival? Then I’m not so sure.