Adrian Magson - No Help For The Dying

‘You said you know who did it,‘ said Riley softly, finally getting the shivers under control. ‘The mess in my place.’

Friedman nodded. ‘So do you.’ He looked at her steadily, then reached into his jacket and took out a three-by-four coloured snapshot in a worn plastic sleeve. It was of a teenage boy, smiling and fresh-faced in a school uniform jacket with a shield on the breast pocket. He had a ghosting of adolescent hair across his top lip and a few spots on his chin, and could have been any teenage boy anywhere. But the resemblance between the man and the boy was obvious.

‘His name is Nicholas,’ he said softly, and let the photo rest on the table between them. ‘He’s my son. He left home ten years ago, saying he wanted some space.’ Friedman shook his head with a bitter expression. ‘Space. It was the thing everybody wanted at the time. Space to do, space to be. Space to… Anyway, Nick had been having a tough time at school; bullies and exams and… other things. It was all piling in on him. In the end it got too much. We tried talking to him, drawing him out. But he wouldn’t tell us. Then one morning he said he couldn’t take any more, and announced he was thinking of going away. Just for a few days, to clear his head.’ He played with his cup, twirling it round in the saucer, slopping some of the contents onto his hand. If it hurt he seemed not to notice. ‘We tried to talk him out of it — he was only seventeen, for heaven’s sake. No age to be wandering off. Whatever problems he had — thought he had — we could help him through. I thought we’d managed it, too. But he waited until we were at work one day, then bunked off school and disappeared. Cleared out his savings account of a hundred pounds or so and took off. Just like that.’

‘What happened?’

‘We looked for him, of course, but it was like he’d left the planet. Not a trace. Well, you know what that’s like. I went over his tracks immediately afterwards, and a hundred times since.’ He looked at Riley and in that drawn face, she saw failure, loss and impotence. ‘We used to be close, Nicholas and I. We did things together all the time: football matches, cricket — that sort of thing. I thought I knew him.’ He trembled like a man with a high fever. ‘Eventually I pieced together a picture, of sorts. On the day he left home he met up with a girl he knew. They stayed in a friend’s parents’ caravan on the south coast for a few days.’

‘Friend?’

‘Just a friend. Maybe his only one.’ He stopped and sipped his drink, wincing as if the coffee was too bitter.

Riley was holding her breath, dreading what he would say next.

‘Who was the girl?’

‘The one everyone’s been looking for,’ he said finally, looking her in the eye. ‘Katie Pyle. Do you mind if we walk?’ They left the coffee shop and walked. Friedman suggested some fresh air would do her good, but she wasn’t sure which of them was in more need of it. He seemed very fragile, as if he was holding on by willpower alone, and she wondered how long it had been since he’d eaten properly. She allowed him to dictate the direction, along quiet streets, through occasional pockets of green and past rows of houses and parked cars, skirting the occasional burst of activity yet crossing busy roads with unerring ease. The pity was, she had a feeling he was never going to be able to walk fast enough or far enough to get away from what hounded him. It would follow him always.

They found a small park and a childrens’ playground, with a few battered playthings and a worn patch of stubby grass. A bench sat amid a scattering of litter, close by a pair of watchful mothers with a clutch of small, shrill children. It wasn’t a restful place and there was a coolness in the air with a threat of rain, but she could see that Friedman needed to talk.

‘I’m a lawyer,’ Friedman told her, after a few minutes of silence. ‘I was, anyway, before Nicholas left. I used to work for the Ministry of Defence, producing and vetting contracts, checking agreements, writing tenders, that sort of thing. It wasn’t the most interesting work in the world. Nicholas always said I was one of the ‘grey men’ like something out of Yes, Minister, only not as colourful. Or exciting.’ He smiled to himself, a brief flicker of the lips as a memory reeled by. ‘He had a great sense of fun. Infectious. Lively. He could light up a room just by being there.’

‘Where did he go?’

‘We found out later that he moved on from the caravan and joined a church. Not the established church, but an independent group called the Church of Flowing Light.’ He looked up at her. ‘But you know them already, don’t you?’

‘Yes.’

‘He wasn’t religious or anything — none of us was, to be honest. Why he joined them is still a mystery. But then so was his leaving. A total puzzle.’

‘Was it?’

‘Pardon?’

She watched him for reaction, then said, ‘Did you know that when Katie Pyle joined Nicholas, she was pregnant?’

If she was expecting him to show surprise, she was disappointed. The news had little effect other than mild interest; no shock, no associated guilt, nothing. Yet Riley was pretty sure the revelation was new to him. ‘I didn’t, no. Who was the father?’ The question sounded normal, with no hint of guile, and she stared at him. If he was acting, he was very good at it.

‘Well, I thought… your son.’

Friedman shook his head slowly, with enormous sadness. ‘No. It wasn’t. I wish it could have been. It might have saved him.’

‘I don’t understand.’

He stared at his hands for a moment. ‘The ‘other things’ I spoke of earlier — the fears torturing him — were the facts of his sexuality, Miss Gavin. My son was gay.’

Even as Riley took in what he was saying, she saw his eyes shift momentarily past her, scanning the area beyond her shoulder. He froze, his body stiffening and his eyes taking on the look of a hunted beast. His mouth worked helplessly. ‘I… I must go.’

‘What is it?’ said Riley. She turned but couldn’t see anything apart from the children and their mothers, and a few birds diving for scraps on the ground. When she turned back, Friedman was on his feet but hunched down, scrabbling in the pocket of his jacket. He produced a piece of white card and thrust it into her hand.

‘Here,’ he whispered. ‘Take this and call me. I can’t stay.’ Then he was hurrying away, thin shoulders bent and head down, a Lowry figure desperate not to be noticed.

When Riley turned to look again behind her, she caught a brief glimpse of a white van turning a corner a hundred yards away. She could have sworn there was a builder’s logo on the side, but when she turned back to tell Friedman, he was nowhere in sight.

Riley tried Palmer’s number so she could tell him about her flat and Friedman, but the automatic voice told her the number was unavailable. She wondered what he was up to and dialled Nikki Bruce. While she waited to be put through, she studied the card Friedman had given her. It bore the name and number of a hotel, and a mobile number. She’d never heard of the place but guessed it was central London. Friedman would want to be close to the centre, where he could stay connected and, she guessed, somewhere cheap.

‘I thought you’d left me high and dry.’ The Post reporter’s voice drew her back. ‘What’s new?’

Riley told her about Susan Pyle, and her revelation of Katie’s condition. ‘At least we now have a reason for her leaving home. According to Susan Pyle, her husband wasn’t the sort to take that kind of news well — at least, not at first. It makes me wonder if there isn’t a child out there somewhere, waiting for its mother to come back.’