Richard Kadrey - Dead Set

The old woman nodded. Off the bus, she seemed more animated, more like a real old lady and not a dreaming ghost. The other passengers were also more relaxed, moving and talking to each other, like regular people.

The old woman sighed. “How lovely.” She popped open her purse, pulled out something yellow, and put it in Zoe’s hand. A piece of butterscotch candy. She gave Zoe a small wave and walked around the corner with some of the other passengers.

Zoe walked to the corner, too, as the other passengers wandered off in all directions. Everyone was moving, talking, excited. Zoe tried to get the attention of one or two of them, but they all seemed in a rush to go somewhere. Soon the street was empty. She stood under a streetlamp on the corner and watched the bus pull away.

The rain along the road hadn’t made it to town. It felt like late afternoon. A fat orange sun hung midway down the sky. She was standing on a long, wide street across from a boardwalk that ran along a beach. Beyond the boardwalk, Zoe could see an old-fashioned Ferris wheel, carousel, and a wooden roller coaster that reminded her of Coney Island. The sound of tinny carousel music made her feel a little better.

She crossed the street and stood on the boardwalk, leaning on the rusting metal fence and staring out at a calm black sea, wondering what to do next. She could see people down on the beach, moving among the amusement-park rides. It was so beautiful in the late-afternoon light. It nearly made her cry. She suddenly felt very alone and lost.

Something moved in the corner of her eye. She turned around and saw a man in a dark gray overcoat. Like her, he was staring out to sea.

“Dad?” said Zoe.

The man looked up. He stared at her for a second.

“Zoe?”

She ran to him and almost jumped into his arms. They held on to each other for a long time, neither of them speaking, just holding each other. A moment earlier she’d been lost in a strange city, and now she left like her heart could burst from joy.

Finally, her father stepped back a little and looked at her. “What are you doing here?” He froze, the color draining from his face. “You’re not. .?”

Zoe shook her head. “No. I’m not dead. I just needed to see you.”

Her father pulled her to him again. “It’s wonderful to see you, but you shouldn’t be here.”

Zoe pushed him away, but held on to his sleeve. “Dad! Don’t say that! Don’t say you don’t want to see me?”

He put his hand on her cheek. “It’s wonderful to see you. But you still shouldn’t have come here.”

Zoe pushed her father harder this time and stepped back. “Why do you keep saying that?” she yelled, not caring if anyone heard her. Tears welled up in her eyes. “What did I do wrong? Why did you have to go? Do you blame me and Mom?”

Her father took a step toward her, but Zoe took another step back. He stayed where he was and said, “Baby, I would never leave you and your mother if I could help it. But I died, and the dead can’t live in your world.”

Zoe nodded, hugging her arms across her chest. “One minute you were there and then you were just gone.”

“I miss you both. And I’m mad, too, you know. I was taken away from the only people I ever really loved.”

“I used this weird machine. I saw your life from inside your head,” she said. “You were so unhappy working all the time. It felt like you wanted to go.”

“Not for a second,” said her father. He put his hands on Zoe’s shoulders. “Yeah, I was unhappy with the way things were, but that was about bad choices. Work and money and things. It was never about you or your mom. Your mom and I were already talking about me working less and her working more, trying to find a little more balance for all of us.”

“Really? You swear?”

“I’d never lie to you.” Zoe’s father put his arms around her and she let him. Zoe cried against his chest and this time the tears didn’t feel like they were being torn out of her.

After a few minutes, her father asked, “What do you think of my new home?”

Zoe looked around. “What is this place? Heaven?”

Her father laughed. “That’s everyone’s first question.”

“It’s not hell, is it?”

“That’s everyone’s second question,” he said. “We’re in a place called Iphigene. It’s a kind of way station. A place where you spend time before moving on.”

“How long do you have to stay here?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I think it varies. A lot of things are like that here. You kind of feel your way along. Not much is written down,” he said. He grew quieter, more thoughtful. “I think you have to figure out the rules for yourself. Iphigene is kind like a video game, you know? What do you need right now, the golden key or the flaming sword? When you figure that out, you get on a bus and move on to the next level.”

“Iphigene,” said Zoe. “It reminds me of Coney Island. Kind of old and messed up, but in a cool way. Can we look around?”

Her father nodded. “Let me give you the tour.” As they crossed the street, he took her hand. Zoe smiled, feeling about six again.

They walked back to the corner where the bus had dropped her off. There was an open-air newsstand with a dark green awning. They sold magazines and newspapers in what looked like a hundred languages. A clothing store, with mannequins modeling different coats, stood next to it. Farther along was a movie theater with an old marquee where the name of the movie was announced with removable plastic letters: JEAN COCTEAU’S ORPHÉE. At the end of the block was a bar with a big picture window looking out over the ocean and a crescent moon on the door, where people talked and laughed in the semidark.

“Look at all the restaurants,” she said as they crossed to the next block. “Do you eat here?”

“Some do,” said her father. “I think it’s another choice. I haven’t eaten a bite and I’ve never been hungry. Some souls never leave the restaurants. They just eat and eat. I guess it’s comforting. Some don’t seem to know they’re dead. Hell, I wasn’t sure at first. But you learn.”

Zoe stopped walking and hugged him. “I hate that you’re dead,” she said. “Everything’s wrong. Nothing works. My life sucks.”

“I’m so sorry. I wish I was with you. But your mother will take care of you. She’s strong.”

Zoe let out a harsh laugh. “She can’t do anything. We lost the house. We live in a shitty little apartment. I don’t have any friends. Mom just cries all the time.”

They sat down on a bench and looked out at the calm, black sea. “Your mother is the strongest person I know. She might be upset now, but if you can help her, you’ll both get through this okay.”

“But everything is such shit.”

“And everything is going to be shit for a while,” he said. “That’s what happens when you lose someone you love. Then, one day, weeks or months from now, things aren’t quite so shitty. Then, little by little, they start to get better. Eventually, you’ll get back to who you really are, and what your life is supposed to be.” He sighed. “But for a while, things are just going to be rotten and it helps to have someone to help you through it. You and your mother can do that for each other.”

Zoe nodded. She sat back and laid her head on her father’s shoulder. He said, “When you two aren’t fighting, what’s your mom doing with herself?”

“She’s trying to find a job, but it’s been so long. It’s really hard for her.”

He shook his head. “So many stupid choices,” he said. “That’s another lousy part about being dead. You can see your whole life laid out in front of you. Every stupid, mean, and pointless thing you ever did. Me working all the time and your mother not working was a terrible idea.”