Nelson DeMille - Spencerville

She smiled, then said, "Can I be honest? I wanted to try other men. We both wanted to experiment, but we couldn't because we had an understanding, a commitment. We were two country kids, crazy in love, having sex and feeling guilty about it, but wanting other people and feeling even more guilty about that. I mean, in some ways, we were more than married."

"I think you're right." He smiled. "So you wanted other men?"

"Sometimes. Am I blushing?"

"A little." He thought a moment, then asked, "What should we have done?"

"We didn't have to do anything. The world did it for us. To us."

"I suppose. But why didn't we get together again?"

"You couldn't accept the other men."

"No, I couldn't. And you?"

"Women are different. I just wanted you to get it out of your system."

"Well, I have."

"Me, too." She added, "I've never had an affair."

"I don't care if you have. You deserved one."

"No, listen to me. I'm hopelessly old-fashioned. But in your case, Mr. Landry, I'll make an exception."

"Well... I'd like nothing more right now. But... we have to understand the consequences if we..."

"Keith, I don't give a damn about the consequences. We've cleared up the past, and that's all we had to do. Make love to me now, and the hell with the future."

He took her arm and led her toward the stairs, his heart pounding, afraid the phone would ring, afraid it wouldn't.

He didn't even remember how he got into the bedroom, but there they were with the lamp on. She looked nervous, he thought, and he said, "Do you want a drink?"

"No, I want to do this with a clear head." She looked around the room. "We did it here once when your family was out visiting."

"Right. I pretended I was sick and stayed home."

She didn't seem to hear him and kept looking around, then looked into one of the wardrobes, which he noticed was open. He could see, and she could see, the hanging holster, the bulletproof vest, the sword, the uniforms, and the M-16 rifle. She turned to him but made no remark, except, "I see you know how to keep a room tidy."

"I'm a tidy bachelor."

They stood awkwardly, facing each other, and they seemed to have run out of small talk. She pulled her turtleneck out of her jeans and said, "Well, I'll break the ice." She pulled the sweater over her head and threw it aside, then unhooked her bra, slipped it off, and let it drop to the floor. "Okay?" She held out her hands, and he took them. She put his hands on her breasts, and he caressed them, feeling her nipples harden.

She reached out and unbuttoned his shirt, then ran her hands over his chest. "You feel the same, Keith."

"You, too."

She pressed her breasts against his chest, and they kissed while she slipped his shirt off. Still kissing, she undid her jeans and pulled them with her panties down to her thighs. She directed his hand between her legs, and he felt her pubic hair, then her vagina, which was moist.

She moved back and sat on the bed, pulling off her shoes, socks, jeans, and panties. Completely naked now, she looked at him and smiled. "Is this really happening?"

"My God, Annie, you are beautiful."

She suddenly stood and threw her arms around him. "I love you."

He picked her up and carried her back to the bed, laying her on the quilt with her legs over the foot of the bed, then he bent over her and kissed her breasts, her stomach, then he knelt and ran his tongue down to the soft inside of her thigh, and she spread her legs so he could kiss her between her legs. She arched her back, and he put his hands under her buttocks and pushed his face deeper between her legs.

He stood slowly and undid his belt and trousers.

She lay on the bed, breathing hard, then slid back and put her head on the pillow, watching him undress. She watched every move he made as he came toward her, and when he was in reaching distance, she took his hands in hers.

He straddled her and kissed her on the cheek. He said, "Okay?"

She nodded.

He lowered himself, and she put him inside her.

They kissed softly and held each other gently, caressing, moving slowly as if they had all the time in the world.

They lay on the bed, on their sides, she behind him with her arms around him and her legs entwined in his like nesting spoons. She kissed his neck. "Sleeping?"

"No. Dreaming."

"Me, too." She hugged him tighter and ran her feet over his calves.

"I like that."

"I know."

He turned toward her and, still on their sides, they wrapped their arms and legs around each other. She said, "If you knew how often I fantasized about this..."

"Not more than I did."

"Really?"

"Yes."

She said, "I told you I never had an affair. Not even a fling."

"It doesn't matter either way."

"It does to me. This is very special to me."

"I understand."

"I'm not telling you that so you think you have to marry me. I'm already married. I'm just saying it was very special to me. And if this turns out to be the end of it, I'll understand. This is all I ever wanted. This one more time."

"Do you mean that?"

"No."

He laughed.

She tousled his hair, then sat up. "Tell me... there were other women, I know, but was there any one woman?"

"Nothing to write home about." He thought a moment, then said, "I honestly couldn't get you out of my mind. So I couldn't... I mean, there was no reason to marry."

She didn't reply for a long time, then said, "Maybe if I hadn't had children, I'd have shown up at your doorstep one day."

"There were times and places when I didn't even have a doorstep. It wouldn't have been much of a life for us."

"We'll never know. There were times I envied you, times I thought you were dead..."

"And times you wished I was dead."

She thought a moment, then replied, "No. I was angry, but I prayed for your safety." She added, "There were times, though, I wished I was dead."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay now." She added, "I've been sleeping with a man I don't love for twenty years. That's a sin. But I will sin no more."

He didn't want to ask, but felt he had to and said, "Annie, why did you stay with him?"

"I ask myself that every day. I guess because of the children... family ties, community..."

"You mean if you filed for a divorce?.."

"I'd have to leave. He would get..."

"Violent?"

"I don't know. Anyway, I used to hope that he'd die. That someone would kill him. That's terrible. I hate myself for that."

"That's all right. You don't have to wait for someone to kill him now."

She didn't reply, and he thought she was considering the double meaning of what he said, so he added, "You can just leave him."

"I will." She didn't ask for his help or any assurances from him but said, "Maybe I was sort of waiting for you. I always knew you'd come back. But I don't want anything from you, no promises to take care of me, and no offers to take care of him. I want to do this myself. Now that my daughter is in college, I can leave."

"Well, you know I'm going to help, so..."

"Keith, he's dangerous."

"He's bush-league."

She picked herself up on one elbow and looked down at him. "If anything happened to you, I swear I'd kill myself. Promise me you won't confront him."

The phone rang, and Annie said, "That's my aunt."

Keith picked it up. "Hello."

"Well, I thought I saw lights in your house. How'd you get home?"

"Who is this?"

"Officer Ward. Just checking on you. You tucked in?"

"Sure. Had enough fun for one night."

"I didn't. I'm not a happy man tonight."

"I'm not here to make you happy."

Annie leaned over and put her ear near the phone. Keith turned away from her and said into the mouthpiece, "Don't call here again." He hung up.