Trent Reedy - Divided We Fall

“In here, Mom.” My chair scraped the linoleum as I pushed it back to stand up.

“Hey,” she said when she saw me, reaching out for a hug.

I hugged her and felt her kiss on my cheek. She squeezed me close and held on for a long time. Longer than normal, anyway. This could be trouble.

When I finally pulled away, I smiled to let her know that everything was all right. “I’ll have some tea on for you soon. Water should be boiling any minute. Why don’t you sit down in your chair?”

“I’m okay,” she said, leading me to the kitchen. “I’ll join you.” She took a seat at the table and motioned for me to sit down across from her. “You’ve been so busy lately with school and football, plus drill or work at the shop on weekends. Then when you are home, you’ve been so quiet, up alone in your room all the time. We never get to talk. Let’s talk.”

“Sure, Mom,” I said. She was right. We used to share everything, but lately, I’d kept my distance. “I mean, I have a lot of homework to do, but I have a little time.” This was at least partially true. I did have English and government homework, but I would probably just copy that from JoBell or Becca tomorrow before school.

Mom frowned and tipped her head back a little in that way she had that told me she didn’t believe me. “What’s new with you?”

“Nothing much,” I lied. “Football’s going great. Rodeo this Saturday.”

She shook her head and started picking the skin next to her thumbnail. “You know I hate you doing that rodeo stuff. At least in football you wear a helmet.”

The kettle began to whistle. Perfect timing. I stood up and went to take it off the stove, slipping one bag of chamomile tea into each of our cups before pouring in the boiling water.

“The thought of you being trampled by a bull in a rodeo or of you getting a concussion or worse in a football game makes me so nervous—”

I sighed. “Mom, I’ll be fine. I’ve played dozens of games and been to a bunch of rodeos. I’ll always be fine.”

She held up her hand. It was shaking a little. “As I was saying, I get nervous about you in those dangerous sports, but I know you’ll be okay. And I’m fine, mostly, knowing you’re involved in them.”

I took a sip of my tea. It burned the tip of my tongue. What was she getting at?

“I have my moments, but I can handle more than you think I can.”

“I know that, Mom.”

“Which is why I wish you’d tell me what really happened that last Friday in August.”

I almost spit out my tea. Some of it dribbled down my chin, and I quickly wiped it on my arm. What did she know? How did she find out? Maybe she was just bluffing, like she thought something was up, but she wasn’t sure what it was. “What do you mean? I went with Sweeney and the guys—”

“You went with some guys, but Eric wasn’t one of them,” she said. “Come on, Danny. The National Guard sent you to Boise, didn’t they?”

I hated lying to her. She looked mostly calm now. Her hands weren’t even shaking that much as she sipped from her cup. Maybe the tea was helping.

“Okay,” I said. This secret was getting harder and harder to keep locked down, but it was probably better she get the truth from me instead of some guy on the news. I slid my comm over from where I’d dropped it when I came in.

“Hank, silently bring up the CNN coverage from the August 27 Boise shooting story.”

The story came up with that horrible image as the lead photo. Could Mom handle seeing this? I could barely stand to look at it. I tilted the comm so the image would rotate right side up for her to see it.

“This is me, Mom.”

She gasped and put her hands over her mouth.

“I didn’t kill this girl. I was there trying to save her, but it was too late.”

I watched her carefully. Her hands shook even more when she lowered them to the table. Her breathing was level, though, and that twitch hadn’t started in her eye. The edges of the shadow were creeping in, but she hadn’t been overtaken yet.

“Let me tell you the truth,” I said. And I did, all the way up to a watered-down version of the car chase.

“Are you okay? Is JoBell and everyone else all right?” Mom said.

“Yeah, we’re all fine.”

She reached over and took both my hands together in hers. “I’m glad you’re not hurt.”

My muscles relaxed. Now that everyone in my closest circle of family and friends knew what had happened, knew what I’d done and didn’t hate me for it, I felt free. Like that feeling I’d get when the snow was all melted near the end of the school year, and the freedom of summer was near.

“I only hope I did the right thing,” I said.

“What do you mean?”

I took down a gulp of tea. Then another. “If I hadn’t fired that shot—”

“But you did,” she said. “That’s over.”

“I know, but I feel like this ongoing argument…” I pointed to the comm. “This Idaho standoff… is my fault. The president wants to arrest me. Maybe I could end a lot of this chaos if I give myself up and explain what really happened.”

Mom put down her teacup with a thud so loud, I thought it would break. “Now you listen to me.” The shaking was gone now and her eyes were a deeper blue than I could ever remember them being. “You owe those people nothing.”

“Mom—”

“Nothing! Do you hear me?”

“I swore an oath to obey the president and—”

“Has the president given you any direct orders? Has President Rodriguez activated you to federal duty under his command?”

“Well, no, but—”

“No buts, Danny. I’ve lost a husband to the Army. You’ve been without a father since you were eight years old, and I miss him every day.” Tears welled up in her eyes. “But I do know something about how all of this works. The governor is right. I don’t know about his other politics, and I don’t care, but he’s absolutely right in protecting you and the soldiers who were with you.”

She leaned back in her chair, wiped her eyes, and took a deep breath. “Oh, Danny, I might not look it, and I don’t always handle stress very well, but there is still strength in me. And if you give yourself over to those men in Washington, they better get ready, because I will be coming to get you back.” I laughed a little, but she didn’t. She was completely serious. “Even if the president did order you to turn yourself in, there’s more to life than duty, Danny. Remember that.”

“What about you?” I said. “You always do your duty as a mom.”

She leaned forward with her elbows on the table and a smile on her face. “That’s something I choose to do. Not out of duty. Out of love.”

—• Welcome back. I’m Shane Harrison. On the panel today, seated on my left, is Kathy Perkits, regular commentator for the Huffington Post and author of the book The Religious Right Is Wrong . On my right is a contributor to the conservative website Reclaim America and the author of the book The Myth of Liberal Tolerance , Emily Leckesh. Welcome, ladies. Let’s get started. Yesterday, seven FBI agents attempted to arrest Idaho Guardsmen who were allegedly involved in the Battle of Boise. The names of those soldiers have not been released, and the attempt to detain them failed when the FBI agents were arrested by Idaho law enforcement on orders from Governor Montaine. Many Republicans are criticizing the president for worsening an already tense situation by sending in those FBI agents. Some have even said this might lead to open violence. Is that a valid criticism? Kathy, we’ll let you answer first.”

“Sam, this is Republican politics as usual. Republicans and conservatives are trying to stir up baseless fears in the American people so that no one will want to challenge Governor Montaine. The president is well within his rights to take efforts to make sure these soldiers are brought to trial. If anything, the president is being too patient with these criminals in Idaho—”