Jennifer Armentrout - Don’t Look Back

“Yes.” The next words sort of just came right out of me in a breathless rush. “I love you.”

Carson stilled. I wasn’t sure he breathed in those following seconds, and maybe tomorrow I would kick myself in the face for saying those three words, but right now, I didn’t want to take them back, even if they were too much, too soon.

He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. “Say it again.”

“I love you.” My voice was louder, stronger. “I love you.”

Another second passed and then he brushed his lips across mine. “I didn’t think I’d ever hear you say those words.”

I pressed my palm to his cheek. “I did.”

He opened his eyes, and they locked on to mine. “I’ve loved you as long as I’ve known you, Sam. Just as much as I love you right now.”

The infinite tenderness in his bright eyes brought tears to my own. I held them back, fearing he wouldn’t understand they weren’t sad tears. His body shook, and I wasn’t sure if it was out of relief or anticipation, and then I wasn’t really thinking anymore … or maybe I was thinking so much I couldn’t pinpoint one thought or one sensation. Part of me worried that the meds that had built up in my system would somehow dull everything, but they didn’t. It was so much, and it was all new to me, fresh and thrilling.

When things did slow down, my heart was still racing, my breath sawing in and out in a pleasant daze. Muscles weak, thoughts like big bowls of jelly, I smiled up at him.

He gave me a lopsided grin. His dark hair was damp against his forehead, curling slightly. “You okay?”

“Perfect,” I breathed.

Carson kissed me and then rolled onto his back, wiggling an arm around me and pulling me against his side so that my head rested on his chest. Each breath he took was ragged against my flushed cheek. “What do I have to do to persuade you to stay here?”

I giggled. “Not sure my parents would appreciate that come morning, but I can stay …” I paused, for the first time feeling uncertainty creep over me. “I mean, if you do really want me to stay for a little while longer.”

He turned his head toward me. “Sam, I don’t want you to leave. Ever. And I know you don’t want to leave.”

The stupid but wonderful swelling was back in my chest, and I could’ve floated right off that bed. “Okay.”

His throat worked as he watched me. “I wasn’t just saying shit before, Sam. I do love you—I have loved you. I hope you—”

“I meant it,” I said, tangling my fingers in his. “And I think … I think I felt this way before but never admitted it.”

Carson’s lips tipped up at the corners. We stayed in each other’s arms, talking about nothing important, laughing quietly, stopping to kiss and pausing to touch, losing ourselves for a little while longer and letting time slip by. I must’ve dozed off, because I knew I was dreaming. It had that hazy quality to it, almost real but not quite.

I was waiting outside the library at school, my head tipped back. Satisfaction poured off me, dampening the jealousy that simmered in my belly whenever I saw him even looking at Cassie after that party.

I had him and I was going to ruin him.

Footsteps sounded, and I opened my eyes, already smiling with anticipation. Carson stepped out, saying something to Dianna.

I bolted off the wall, stepping directly in front of him. “We need to talk.”

His bright blue eyes sharpened with wariness. He glanced at Dianna. “I’ll see you later.”

The girl nodded and quickly darted off. I smirked, cocking my head to the side. “How are you, Carson?”

“What do you want, Sam?” He started walking. “I’ve got things to do, and even though I’m sure this is going to be interesting, I don’t have time.”

My eyes narrowed at him. Jealousy was there, but so was anger. How could he always be so dismissive of me? Every guy in this damn school wanted me. Everyone but him.

“I know something,” I said.

He stopped just before the doors and rolled his eyes. “And …?”

“I know you’re paying Dianna.”

“Yep, for sex. You got me.”

I pressed my lips together, pissed that he wasn’t at all intimidated by me. Probably had to do with the fact that I’d spent the better part of my life running around shirtless with him and my brother. “I doubt you need to pay anyone for sex. Although I’m surprised you actually got with Cassie without her paying you.”

His eyes settled on me, steady and consuming. I loved and hated his eyes. “Is this what you wanted to talk about? The fact that I hooked up with Cassie months ago?”

“No.” My hands balled into fists. Jealousy was a bitch, but so was I. And I knew what I was about to do was so wrong, but I didn’t care. I just didn’t care. “But it has to do with the fact that you’re paying the daughter of your history teacher. Hmm …” I tapped my chin. “I wonder what for. Wait. Don’t you share that class with Cassie?”

Carson folded his arms. “Yeah, I do.”

“And she said that you’re failing that class. So I wonder what you could possibly be paying Dianna for.”

“Gee, I don’t know, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

Anger flushed my skin, sharpening my tongue. “I know you’re paying Dianna to get her little hands on her daddy’s tests and she’s helping you cheat.”

He stared at me a long second, then laughed. “Okay. You got me. What are you going to do, Nancy Drew?”

My hands itched to slap him. “Cassie knows, and you know how terrible she is with keeping a secret.”

His jaw worked.

“I’m sure a little birdie will put it in the principal’s ears soon enough, and then you know what will happen.” I grinned then, loving the way his attention was completely on me—bad attention, but I had it. I had him. “They take cheating seriously around these parts. So does Penn State, I hear.”

Carson’s lips thinned. “Jesus, Sam …”

I pushed open the door, stepping out into the brisk March air. “You can kiss that scholarship good-bye. Shame.”

“You’re such a …”

“What? A bitch?” I glanced over my shoulder, meeting his eyes. “Ouch.”

“No. You’re not a bitch.” He followed me outside, eyes sheltered. “It’s sad, actually, when I think about how you used to be.”

Not what I’d been angling for, and beneath the anger, hurt waited. “I’m not sad.”

His lips twitched into a mocking smile. “Yeah, you are. Do your worst, Sam. And you’ll regret it.”

Jerking up, I clutched the blankets to my chest. Pressure clamped down on my throat, on my chest. The dark, poster-covered walls of Carson’s bedroom shifted unsteadily.

It wasn’t a dream. Oh god, no, it was a memory. I knew it in my bones, in every cell. Carson had been paying Dianna to do his essays, to fix his exams for the one class he was failing. And somehow I’d found out—I’d told Cassie and I’d threatened to expose him, ruin his baseball scholarship and his life.

Do your worst … and you’ll regret it.

Sickness rose in my throat. Had he … could he have been the third person on the cliff? My entire body went cold. It couldn’t be.

Oh my god …

Out of everyone, he had a reason to shut us up. Suddenly, I remembered the sense of wariness in his gaze when he saw me the first day back home, the way he didn’t really have anything good to say about Cassie, how he knew the cliff just as well as I did, and how adamant he was that I hadn’t been the one to hurt Cassie. The notes I was leaving myself— Don’t let him know you remember anything . Had my subconscious been trying to warn me?