Alex Barclay - Time of Death

‘I wasn’t hurting anyone who was alive.’

‘Oh my God, are you insane? The whole rest of my family is alive! Do you think this doesn’t hurt?’

‘I…I’m sorry.’

‘I’m done,’ said Ren. ‘I have got to get out of here. Daryl Stroud’s outside. He’ll come talk to you.’

‘What’s going to happen?’

‘I doubt my family will want to press charges, I know I don’t, but you can give one more interview to the press. With every detail of what you did — calling Crimestoppers, planting the T-shirt. And all the details that will honor Beau’s memory — or, so help me God…’

Ren opened the front door. A patrol car was parked at the end of the path. Daryl Stroud got out and nodded as he walked towards Ren. Pumped muscles, popping neck veins, tan, buzz cut . He shook her hand.

‘Hi, Ren. What’s all this about?’

‘Ricky is your tipster. He planted the T-shirt.’

‘What? No.’

Ren nodded. ‘Yes. The world is a fucked-up place.’ She started to walk down the path. ‘He’s inside. Go talk to him. He’ll tell you himself.’

‘Jesus Christ. I’m-’

She kept walking. ‘So, will I see you back at your office?’ When he didn’t answer, she turned around.

Daryl looked frozen.

‘Did you think that was it?’ said Ren. ‘I was just going to go quietly back to Denver?’

‘Does it have to be the office? Can we go to Bob’s?’

‘Sure,’ said Ren. ‘What the hell.’

Ren got into her hire car and called her mother’s house.

‘Ren? Where are you?’

‘In Catskill. I’m calling to let you know that everything is OK about Beau.’

‘In Catskill? What-’

‘I’m not staying for long. I’m exhausted. I’m calling to fill you in. I’m heading back to Denver on the next flight. It was Ricky Parry who-’

‘Ricky Parry?’

‘Let me finish. It was Ricky Parry who rang in the tip, who put the T-shirt in Beau’s room. He made the hole in the headboard when he was doing whatever work he was doing on the house.’

‘Ricky Parry? But-’

‘I know. It’s terrible.’

‘But, I always looked out for Ricky. I gave him work, I sent him over meals when his father was ill and his mother…I did everything I could for that family…’

‘He was desperate, Mom. He just wanted to relieve some of his mother’s suffering. He couldn’t do anything about the physical pain, but he thought this would take away some of the mental pain. It doesn’t excuse anything. You can’t take this personally. Beau was the easiest person to set up. Ricky had access to the house. And Beau couldn’t defend himself.’

‘But I don’t think Mrs Parry would have been relieved to think that Beau did this. She sent Louis to our house for tuition, she would have blamed herself for-’

‘You’re just going to have to stop looking for logic in all this,’ said Ren. ‘There is none.’

‘But-’

‘Don’t torture yourself, Mom. Ricky Parry was just screwed up. That’s as much sense as you will make of this. Let it go.’

‘I don’t know if I can.’

‘You have to,’ said Ren. ‘This is, in its own tragic way, good news. Try it, Mom. Try to feel the good news.’

Bob’s Diner had been completely transformed since Ren had been home at Christmas.

Nooo. ‘What did Bob do?’ said Ren, looking around.

‘He died,’ said Daryl.

‘Oops.’

‘And his daughter got her hippie hands on it. But she does do great coffee.’

‘Thank God.’ Ren looked around. ‘I’m not good with change.’

‘Except in boyfriends.’

Ren smiled.

‘I didn’t really think it was Beau,’ said Daryl. ‘I just needed to stay professional. I hope you can appreciate that. I just had to deal with the evidence. The tip came in. The T-shirt was there. Those were facts I had to address, despite my feelings.’

‘I understand,’ said Ren. ‘I would have been the same. But it still would have been hard.’

‘Well, don’t think it wasn’t hard for me.’

‘So, where will you go from here?’

‘I don’t know,’ said Daryl. ‘I’m sure it’s happened to you — you get a tip, you focus on it…But it’s not like we ignored anything else that came in. All this seemed to do was remind us we had nothing to go on in the first place. Jesus, though. Ricky Parry…He’s a mess.’

‘I know. God help him.’

‘And poor your mom. All of you.’

‘Do you know the worst part?’ said Ren. ‘Beau hasn’t been vindicated. Still, no one knows what happened to Louis Parry. And the next big event in town was Beau’s suicide…it just…didn’t help in that regard. People are so afraid of suicide. They assume that there is some hideous dark secret behind it. Handsome Beau Bryce from that regular family could not possibly have wanted to end his life. He must have been abused as a child, or gay, or a rapist, a pedophile, a murderer. They can’t understand depression. Just the despair that someone can go through. You knew Beau, he had a huge brain. It just…turned on itself. That’s how I see it. It’s like your brain just uses its power to convince you of something that is not true: that the world is better off without you or that you are better off without the world…’

‘I am so sorry,’ said Daryl. ‘It’s still terrible to see you upset.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Ren. ‘I…God, it never goes away. I keep hoping that, one day, I’ll be able to talk about his suicide, anyone’s suicide, and be objective. But…my heart is so broken.’ She paused. ‘Which leads me to…Daryl, I need a favor. I was wondering if you could do one thing for me…’

Ren stood at the carousel in Denver airport, waiting for her cell phone to kick in. It beeped several times with voicemails. As she was about to check them, the phone rang.

‘Hey, Ren. It’s Jay.’

‘Hey,’ said Ren. ‘How are you?’

‘I just wanted to say well done on Ricky Parry. I never would have guessed.’ He paused. ‘Not that I’m saying you guessed either. I’m just saying-’

‘Thank you.’

‘I don’t know how you do it.’

‘Neither do I.’

‘I could barely work out where I was last weekend, and I was there.’

‘Were you?’ said Ren. ‘Is there anyone who can confirm that?’

Jay laughed.

‘So…’

‘How’s everything else?’

‘Good,’ said Ren. ‘Good.’

‘I…How are you getting by without your…doctor? That must be hard on you.’

‘It is,’ said Ren. ‘I can’t even explain how hard.’ Because you probably wouldn’t understand.

‘I want you to know that, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here.’

‘That’s really nice, Jay. Thanks.’

‘I mean, it’s at the other end of a phone, but…’

‘Thank you anyway.’ It’s the thought that counts, I guess. ‘Jay, Mom’s trying to get through, I’ve got to go.’

‘Talk soon.’

‘Take care.’

Her mom sounded manic. ‘Oh, Ren — Daryl Stroud just called me. The man they interviewed who said Beau had been doing drugs has admitted that he made it up.’

Thank you, Daryl. ‘I knew it,’ said Ren. ‘I told you.’

‘I feel terrible now for having believed it.’

Sweet Jesus. ‘Mom, stop it. Stop always finding a reason to feel bad about something. You should listen to yourself some time. You have just been told something that made you feel good. And straight away, you went looking for something to make you feel bad. Did you even pause for a minute to feel the good feeling? Or do you think your whole life might implode if you do?’