Alex Barclay - Time of Death

‘Who do you think is doing this?’

‘I don’t want to say. Until I have at least some proof.’

‘There is a way out of this, Ren. I know there is. We will work something out here. I’ll do what I can to help you.’

‘I’m worried that there’ll be more,’ said Ren. ‘I need to get a few steps ahead of everyone, so I can find out what the hell’s going on.’

‘It sounds like the first thing to do is to stop anyone getting access to these files.’

‘Which has been made very hard by the judge dying…And that’s not the only thing…’

She told him about Beau. Billy wrapped his arms around her and held her until she fell asleep. He carried her upstairs, put her to bed, kissed her forehead and slept in the bed beside hers.

Ren woke up, momentarily confused by the rumpled bed beside hers. She got dressed in jeans that hung from her hips, a gray sweater and pink socks and went downstairs. As she reached the hallway, she could hear Billy opening the refrigerator, then opening and shutting cupboards.

‘Unless you’re planning to bake a cake, I’d venture you’ll come up empty in this kitchen,’ said Ren.

‘But you cook,’ said Billy, turning around.

‘Not when (a) I’m too busy and (b) I’m falling apart. My appetite is gone.’

‘If I get supplies, will you eat something?’ said Billy. ‘Pancakes?’

‘Ooh. I don’t think I’ve ever said no to pancakes.’

‘OK.’ He went to walk past her.

‘Can I have a hug?’ said Ren.

He stopped. ‘Sure you can.’ He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tight.

‘Thanks,’ said Ren, stepping back. She sat against the kitchen table. ‘Oh, Billy. I feel paralyzed by all this.’

‘Don’t worry. It will all work out.’

‘God, I really want it to. I want to be fast-forwarded to a time when this is all over. But you know when you try to fast-forward a DVD, only you hit the next episode button instead and suddenly you’re past the end and the screen is black…And there’s no more story?’

‘And then you hit the menu button and the little circle that says it’s not allowed. Or you end up in the extras, finding out more of the plot than you need to before you’ve seen it and then-’

Ren’s eyes narrowed.

‘Hey, I love how you explain things to me using everyday technological devices,’ said Billy.

‘Do I do that a lot?’

He nodded. ‘But don’t stop. Remember you described your reaction to something as “like the noise that Skype makes when it opens”? I loved that.’ He caught her expression. ‘OK, back to the DVD. Can you see the theme in all this?’

‘Yes,’ said Ren, eventually. ‘A loss of control. Being at the mercy of something else.’

Billy nodded.

‘But that’s just who I am,’ said Ren.

‘Which is fine. But…workable on…’

Ren said nothing.

‘I mean this in the nicest possible way, Ren, but you’re a little spoilt with the control thing. You have that power automatically with your job. And, let’s face it, you call the shots in relationships a lot.’

‘That sounds terrible.’

‘I don’t mean it to.’

‘And it’s not true.’

Billy paused. ‘OK…’

‘I don’t like that. I don’t want to be that way. Anyway, we’re getting sidetracked. None of this is about relationships. Someone is trying to fuck me up. And I’m here having distracting conversations with you. I am a pro at that, Billy. I am all-singing, all-dancing, all-dying inside. And I am close to losing my mind.’

‘You’re not going to lose your mind, Ren.’

‘Do you know something?’ she said. ‘Mazes freak me out. They always have. There was a maze near my home when I was a kid and in summer, lots of the other kids had their birthday parties at the park where it was at. And I would play sick. Every time. I would even play sick in the middle of the parties. Well, after the cake, at least…’

Billy smiled.

‘Mazes terrify me,’ said Ren. ‘And however many years on, they still do. And right now, I feel like I’m in one. Dropped right into the middle. Everywhere I turn, I’m hitting a wall and the walls are moving towards me and the ground is shifting under me and the sky is slowly coming down and the oxygen is being sucked out of the air.’

‘Well, you’re safe here. It’s a big house, but it’s fairly easy to navigate.’

Ren looked at him. ‘Can I ask you a question?’

‘Don’t tell me — you want me to pick you up a compass at the store.’

‘Nope,’ said Ren. ‘I would like to know…why did you sleep in the other bed last night? I’m not saying I wanted anything to happen…’

He smiled. ‘I wasn’t going to take advantage of a woman in distress.’

‘Aw.’

‘But also…I’m seeing someone.’

Something sank inside Ren. Nooooo . ‘Oh. Wow. Since when?’

‘Not long. Just two, three months. I’m not sure if it’s going anywhere, but she’s a very nice lady and I wouldn’t want to hurt her like that. Or you. Or me, for that matter.’

‘Well, she’s a very lucky lady.’

Is she prettier/thinner/funnier/taller/smarter/sexier/more emotionally stable than me? Does she have better skin/hair/teeth/clothes/shoes/body? ‘What’s her name?’

‘Edith.’

Oh. Dear. ‘That’s…’

‘Beyond your powers of laughter suppression clearly.’ Billy smiled.

‘You have to admit, it’s a bummer of a name.’ Ren paused. ‘Like I can talk.’

‘Well, she doesn’t look like an Edith.’

Which means she is prettier/thinner/funnier/taller/smarter/sexier/more emotionally stable than me with better skin/hair/teeth/clothes/shoes and body.

Billy went to the store, came back and made breakfast. Ren managed to eat. They sat, talking, in the living room.

‘Hey, look at you,’ said Billy, pointing to the Bryce family photo. He walked over. ‘What a cutie.’

‘Mom made that suit, before you ask.’

‘Who’s this dude?’ said Billy, smiling back at her.

Ren leaned over to see where he was pointing. ‘That would be my eldest brother, Jay.’

‘You’ve never mentioned him. So tell me — did he run away and join the circus in those pants and you’ve never seen him again?’

Ren laughed.

Billy sat down beside her. Ren slid back into the corner of the sofa and turned to face him. ‘Jay and I…don’t really get along.’

‘Ah,’ said Billy. ‘Why?’

‘Well, he broke my cardinal rule. He betrayed my confidence a few times too many. And I…don’t trust him. We just clash. Much like our outfits in that picture. I never realized that. There it is, preserved in a photo — Jay and I clashed from very early on.’

‘Go on,’ said Billy.

‘OK, this sounds petty, but it sums him up…when he was fifteen, he started drinking, just a little, because our parents were so strict. But then he was like all his friends and he’d go out and get wasted every weekend. He drafted me in to lie for him, hide empty bottles, distract my parents when he was climbing in or out his window. I defended him if they asked too many questions. I hated it. I’m a bad liar and I used to be so stressed out because of it. Like, physically sick with worry. Then, when I was sixteen, I went to my friend’s house and we had two beers from her parents’ liquor cabinet. Two beers. On the way back to my house, I met Jay. The following day, I had to sit in my living room with my parents, my best friend and her parents to listen to this lecture on the dangers of alcohol and the disappointment they all felt in knowing that their daughters had been stealing. I found out later from Matt that Jay had gone to my parents and said “I think Ren has been drinking.” Can you believe that?’