Stuart Woods - Naked Greed

Half a large pepperoni and sausage pizza and four beers later, Ryan was getting into bed when his cell phone rang. Nobody had called him on the iPhone for weeks, since Jerry Brubeck had fired him. Must be a wrong number, he thought. He didn’t recognize the area code the call was coming from. “Hello?”

“Hi, sweetie, did you get your package?”

“Sylvia? How the hell did you get this number? How’d you get my address?”

“There was a card in your pocket with the name of the building, and you wrote your apartment number on the back. The phone was easy: while you were in the toilet, I just turned it on, went to Settings, and tapped Phone. I’ve got an iPhone, too. Are you mad at me?”

“I don’t know. I sure was at first, but now not so much.”

“You should be grateful to me — I had it all, you know, and I didn’t have to give it back.”

“I know. Why did you?”

“I told you, because you seem like a nice guy. Also, we’re kind of in the same business, so we’re colleagues, in a way.”

“Why do you think we’re in the same business?”

“Because nobody has two hundred grand, cash, in a suitcase that he earned honestly. I mean, does he?”

Ryan had to laugh.

“And you don’t win that big in a poker game or on a horse. What’d you do, rob a bank?”

“You really think I’m a bank robber?”

“Well, it was the great bank robber Willie Sutton who said, ‘That’s where the money is.’”

“He had a point.”

“So you went to Florida to knock over a bank? I’m impressed.”

“Nah, I just did a favor for a friend. It was supposed to be a horse parlor, but the cops beat us to it. The bank was an afterthought.”

“And you got out alive, too!”

“It didn’t go so well — we were set up, and I was the only one who got out.”

“Wow, set up twice in one day!”

He laughed.

“That’s a nice noise you make.”

“What did you put in my drink?”

“Nothing that would harm you. I mean, permanently. I’ll bet you slept well, didn’t you?”

“Once I had puked my guts out, yes.”

“A girl in my game has to be careful.”

“I guess so. Do you work that train all the time?”

“Goodness no — a girl who looks like I do would get recognized by the conductor and end up getting picked up by the cops.”

“Does that happen to you often?”

“Never. The marks are too embarrassed. Also, I never get as much as I got from you. It’s usually a few hundred. I can spot the guys who carry a wad. Not as big a wad as you, though. I saw all those hundreds at the table, but boy, was I surprised when I opened that suitcase! Sorry I had to take the bag, but I couldn’t get all that into my purse.”

“I guess not. What made you call me?”

“Even a grifter can get horny,” she said. “Anyhow, you have a way with a girl’s nipple. If I hadn’t already slipped you the mickey at that point, I’d have had you in the sack in no time.”

“Where are you?”

“That would be telling.”

“I can look up the area code of your phone.”

“Okay, I’m in Charleston, where I live. I work up and down the coast, but home is here, and I don’t foul my own nest.”

“What did you do with the money?”

“That hundred grand? It’s already in the stock market. My broker doesn’t mind cash.”

“You ever get to New York?”

“Sometimes. I like New York, there are lots of elegant bars where a girl can get bought a drink and make a score, and there are so many ways to get out of town in a hurry, if it becomes necessary.”

“Why don’t you come up tomorrow for a couple days? I’ll get us a nice hotel suite.”

“Really?”

“I still haven’t worked the other nipple.”

“Oh, you know how to get a girl wet, don’t you?”

“How about it?”

“You’re sure you’re not still mad at me?”

“Nah. I’ll tell you the whole story about the bank.”

“Do I get to pick the hotel?”

“Sure.”

“The Four Seasons,” she said. “I’ve always wanted to stay there.”

“Done. I’ll meet you there tomorrow. What time?”

“Well, let’s see, there’s a plane midafternoon, plus cab time. Say, six o’clock in the bar?”

“You’re on.”

“I’ve got your number — you want mine?”

“It’s in my phone now.”

“Night-night, sweetie. Dream about me.” She hung up.

Ryan called the Four Seasons and booked a suite. He gulped at the price, but he had the money, so what the hell?

Ryan picked up his dry cleaning and laundry and packed a three-night bag, just in case. He was as horny as he had ever been in his life. It had been weeks since he’d gotten laid, and he was very itchy.

He took five grand from his stash in the safe he had bolted to the cement floor in his closet. He thought about taking ten grand, but the last time he’d had a pocketful of money, somebody had stolen it, and he still didn’t entirely trust her. While he was at it he took the bank bands off the cash and replaced them with rubber bands, then burned the bands in the sink and ran them through the garbage disposal.

He showered and shaved and dressed in a freshly pressed suit, so as to fit in at the Four Seasons. He would allow an hour and a half for the drive into the city, twice as long as usual, because it would be rush hour, and the tunnel would be jammed. He drove out of the garage at four-thirty, and as he passed the front of his building he saw two black sedans drive up to his building, and one of them had a state seal on the door. What the hell, they weren’t looking for him; he drove on toward the city.

Dino called Stone.

“How you feeling?”

“Chipper, fine. Didn’t we have this conversation before?”

“Not after last night.”

“What about last night?”

“Aren’t you just the tiniest bit hungover?”

“Why should I be hungover?”

“Because last night you drank as much as I’ve ever seen you drink, and I had to put you to bed.”

“What are you talking about? I put myself to bed, the way I always do, unless Viv is home, then she puts me to bed. By the way, Viv is why I called. I agreed a while back to speak to some of her client’s employees at a gathering this evening, and she just called to tell me that the client is bringing his daughter, who she would like you to partner with at the dinner.”

“Do I have to listen to you speak?”

“I’m the entertainment — you’re a lucky guy.”

“What’s the woman like?”

“I hear she resembles a camel, but that’s right up your alley, isn’t it?”

“All right. What time and where?”

Dino told him.

“Hey, what happened about going to New Jersey?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Last night you said you and I were going to go out there and arrest Gene Ryan.”

“Are you crazy?”

“Certainly not. We were going to collar the guy and bring him back.”

“An ex-cop and the police commissioner were going to arrest a guy in Jersey without an extradition warrant and bring him back to the city?”

“That was your plan, as I recall.”

“Listen, pal, you must have been a lot drunker than I was. See you at seven.”

Two NYPD detectives and two New Jersey state cops found Ryan’s apartment and hammered on the door. Nothing. They hammered more and still, nothing.

“So what now?” a Jersey cop asked. “You want to break it down?”

“Anybody here object to a little, ah, informal entry? Just to have a look around?”

“You think we do that sort of thing in New Jersey?”

“Sure, I do.”

“Go ahead, if it makes you happy,” the Jersey cop said.