Carl Hiassen - Stormy Weather

And here he was staring at twice as much. In person.

"Whhrrrrooognnn? Whhhaaakkkfff?"

"Good question, Lester."

Without warning, the one-eyed freak stood up, unbuttoned his army trousers, whipped out his unit and-to Snapper's mortification-urinated prodigiously upon the hurricane money.

Woefully Snapper rocked on his heels. He felt sick. Skink tucked himself in and went for the monkey rifle. He opened the chamber, peered inside. Then he strolled over to Snapper, flipped him on his belly and shot a tranquilizer dart into his ass. Right away the fog rolled in and Snapper got drowsy. The last thing he heard came from Skink.

"Who wants to go for a swim?"

Bonnie and Augustine stayed to look at the books while the governor took Edie to the creek. She wanted to talk; Skink wanted to get wet. He stripped, starting with the shower cap.

As he stepped into the water, she said: "What about the crocodiles?"

"They won't bother us. There aren't enough of them left to bother anybody. I wish there were."

Serenely he sank beneath the surface, then burst into the air, shaking bubbles and spray from his beard. He was as brown as a manatee, and so large he seemed to bridge the creek. Edie was unprepared for the sight of his body: the lodgepole arms and broad chest, his bare neck as thick as a cypress trunk. The baggy army fatigues had given none of it away.

"Coming in?"

"Only if we can talk," she said.

"What else would we do?"

Edie thought: There's that damn smile again. She asked him to turn around while she took off her clothes.

He heard her slip into the creek. Then he felt her slender arms and legs; she was clinging to his back. As he moved into deeper water, she wrapped herself around his thighs.

"I'm a little scared," she said.

"Haw! You and I are the scariest beasts in the jungle."

Edie's mouth was at his ear. "I want to go back to Miami."

"So go."

"But I don't know the way out."

The governor was treading against the push of a strong tidal current. It cleaved around their bobbing heads as if they were dead stumps in the creek.

Edie's breath quickened from the thrill of being in fast water. She said, "From the minute you and Pol-lyanna showed up at the house, I knew it was over. Snapper's gun-it meant nothing. We didn't kidnap you; you kidnapped us!"

"Nature imposes hierarchy. Always," Skink said.

Edie, in a taut whisper: "Please. Show me the way out of here."

"And I was so sure you'd be angling for that suitcase."

"No way," she said, although it fleetingly had crossed her mind. Instead she'd decided to concentrate on getting out of the Keys alive.

A small silver fish jumped nearby. Playfully Skink swiped at it. He said, "Edie, your opinion of men-it's not good. That much we share. Christ, imagine what Florida would look like today if women had been in charge of the program! Imagine a beach or two with no ugly high-rises. Imagine a lake without golf courses." He clapped his hands, making a merry splash.

Edie said, "You're wrong."

"Darling, I can dream." He felt her lips feather against his neck. Then a tongue, followed by the unsub-tle suggestion of a nibble. He said, "And what was that?"

"What do you think."

When she kissed him again, they went down. The saltiness burned her eyes, but she opened them anyway. He was smiling at her, blowing bubbles. They surfaced together and laughed. Carefully she repositioned herself, climbing around him as if he were a tree-hanging from his rock-hard forearms and shoulders, bracing her knees against his hipbones as she swung to the front. All the time she felt him easing toward a shallower spot in the creek, so he could stand while holding her.

Now they were eye-to-eye, green water foaming up between them. Edie said, "Well?"

"Weren't you the one worried about crocodiles?"

"He'd have to eat both of us, wouldn't he?"

"At the moment, yes."

"That means he'd have to be awfully big and hungry."

Skink said, "We should be quiet, just in case. Certain noises do attract them." He sounded serious.

"How quiet?" Lightly she brushed her nipples along the lines of his ribs.

"Very quiet. Not a sound."

"That's impossible." She felt his hands on the curve of her bottom. He was lifting her, keeping her in a gentle suspension. Then he was inside her. Just like that.

"Hush," he said.

"I can't."

"Yes you can, Edie."

They made love so slowly that often it seemed they weren't moving a muscle. All sense of touch and motion came from the warm summer tide that rushed past and around and between them. In the mangroves an outraged heron squawked. More silver mullets jumped toward the shallows. A long black snake drifted by, indifferently riding the slick of the current as if it were floating on jade-colored silk.

Edie Marsh was good. She hardly made a sound. For quite a while she even forgot the purpose of the seduction.

Afterwards she wanted to dry off and take a nap together, but Skink said there was no time. They dressed quickly. Without a word he led her through the tangled woods. Edie saw no particular trail; at times it seemed they were hiking in circles. Once they reached a paved road, he took her arm. They walked another mile to an intersection with a flashing traffic light. A sign said that one road went to Miami, the other toward Key West.

Skink told her to wait there.

"For what?"

"Somebody's taking you to the mainland. He'll be coming soon."

Edie was caught by surprise. "Who?"

"Relax."

"But I wanted you to take me."

"Sorry," said Skink. "This is as far as I go."

"It's going to rain again."

"Yep."

"I heard lightning!" Edie said.

"So don't fly any kites."

"When did you plan this? Dropping me out here ..." She was angry now. She realized he'd always meant to let her go-which meant the sex-in-the-creek had been unnecessary.

Not that she hadn't enjoyed it, or wouldn't love to try it again, but still she felt tricked.

"Why didn't you tell me last night?"

Skink flashed her the politician's smile. "Slipped my mind."

"Asshole." She picked a leaf out of her wet hair and peevishly flicked it into the wind. Swatted a horsefly off her ankle. Folded her arms and glared.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Look on the bright side, girl. You got over your fear of crocodiles."

At half past noon, a police cruiser stopped at the intersection of Card Sound Road and County Road 905. A broad-shouldered black man in casual street clothes honked twice at Edie Marsh. As he motioned her to the car, she recognized him as the cop whom Snapper had shot outside Paradise Palms.

"You might not believe this," she said, "but I'm really glad you're OK."

"Thanks for your concern." His tone was so neutral that she almost didn't catch the sarcasm. He wore reflector sunglasses and had a toothpick in the corner of his mouth. When he reached across to open the door, Edie glimpsed a white mat of bandage between the middle buttons of his shirt.

"You're Jim, right? I'm Edie."

"I figured."

He took the road toward Miami. Edie assumed she was being arrested. She said, "For what it's worth, I didn't think he would shoot."

"Funny thing about morons with guns."

"Look, I know where he is. I can show you where he is."

Jim Tile said, "I already know."

Then she understood. The trooper had no intention of trying to find Snapper. It was over for Snapper.

"What about me?" she asked, inwardly speculating on the multitude of felonies for which she could be prosecuted. Attempted murder. Fleeing the scene. Aiding and abetting. Auto theft. Not to mention insurance fraud, which the trooper might or might not know about, depending on what the governor had told him.