Росс Макдональд - Trouble Follows Me

I stepped back from the gate, intending to let him pass without speaking. But before he went by his glance fell on my face. I thought that his heavy body became a little awkward and self-conscious under his new clothes, and I didn’t go out of my way to put him at ease:

“You were only half a civilian before. I see you decided to go the limit.”

He flushed and said: “It’s not my own choice. My syndicate wants me to write background material for the big international conference that’s on its way. So that’s what I’m writing.” Then he remembered his sense of importance: “Not that it’s any pressing concern of yours.”

“I’d hate to feel it was.”

Halford moved toward me out of the line of passengers which he had been obstructing. There was a vague threat in the way he held his heavy shoulders. “Look here, whatever your name is,” he said. “I’ve had about enough of your gratuitous unpleasantness. I haven’t forgotten that you took a girl away from me that night in Honolulu.”

“Neither have I. It’s one of my pleasanter memories.”

“It is, is it? What would you think if I told you the girl was simply sorry for you?”

“I’d think you have more imagination than brains.”

“I don’t happen to be depending on my imagination. I spent an evening with Miss Thompson in San Francisco a week or so ago. A very pleasant evening.”

If I kept hurt surprise out of my face, it was because I’d played a lot of poker. “I expect to see her in an hour,” I said. “I’ll ask her about that evening and probably we’ll both have a good laugh.”

“Why, where is she?”

“Out of your reach. So long.”

I walked past him and up the ramp into the plane. The plane roared, sprinted and took flight. As we went up, the horizon spread out to include many mountains and wide blue meadows of ocean. But my whole mind was involved in a tight little knot of jealousy which wouldn’t come loose. Anderson and his nasty business dropped out of my thoughts. Throughout the short flight to San Diego and the long taxi ride from Lindbergh Field to the Grant Hotel, my mind stayed on Mary and Gene Halford.

I found her in her room. When she opened the door she said, “Darling! I’m so glad to see you,” and kissed me on the mouth.

After a minute the knot inside me loosened a little and I kissed her back. Then I held her away from me and looked into her eyes. They were transparent and bottomless, like deep water where men have drowned.

She laughed with charming girlishness. “You’re awfully solemn, Sam. Are you still thinking?”

“Look,” I said. “I take you seriously. Can you get that through your head? As seriously as hell.”

A warm emotion swam up from the shadowy depths of her eyes. But she said, “Really?” with smiling lips.

“I just said it. I didn’t say it before.”

“I wondered if you ever would.”

“But get this. If I take you seriously I expect to be taken seriously myself. I met Gene Halford for a minute at the Burbank airport.”

“So? I suppose he told you I went out with him in San Francisco.”

“That’s right. I didn’t like the idea. You told me in Pearl you barely knew him. And you didn’t tell me you saw him in Frisco. I don’t like him.”

“Neither do I,” she said demurely.

“You go out with him. And it’s important enough to you that you didn’t tell me about it.”

“Don’t be silly, Sam. I went out with him once. We just happened to meet the night our transport docked. I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you’d get irrational about it. Just like you are getting.”

“Sure I’m irrational. I’m irrational about anything with you in it.”

She touched my cheek with her fingers. I caught her hand and kissed its palm. She said, “Please look at it sensibly, Sam. When I came back from Honolulu I had no way of knowing I’d ever see you again. Gene Halford has a lot of important contacts in the radio business. He does a lot of broadcasting himself. Well, I’ll probably be going back into radio after the war. I’d be stupid if I didn’t make the most of my chances.”

“Do you think you can use Halford? Anything you get out of him you’ll pay for.”

“I know. I found that out.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that anything I get out of Halford I’ll pay for. There aren’t many men that isn’t true about.”

“Is that a crack?”

“How could it be?” She smiled with deceptive sweetness. “I haven’t got anything out of you.”

I was taking a beating, and I knew it. I said unpleasantly: “Yeah, they pay the boys that write about it a hell of a lot more than the boys that do it.”

That broke her down. She moved in to me. “Let’s not quarrel, Sam. I detest the man. You and I got along so well from the beginning. At least, I thought we did.”

My arms accepted her. “I know. Better than with any girl I’ve known.”

“It’s these terrible things that happened that changed things. You’ve changed, darling.” Her face was against me and her voice was muffled. “We mustn’t let things like that break us up.”

“Breaking up is a long way from what I had in mind. I didn’t know you were planning to go back into radio after the war. I thought maybe you were starting to have other plans. I was starting.”

“Plans with you?” she said.

“Did you think I was playing?”

“I didn’t know. Sam, do you really mean what you just said?”

“What did I just say? You make me dizzy standing so close.”

“That we could have a postwar plan together?”

“I didn’t know whether I could ask you. It’s hard to look ahead very far. My survivor leave will be over in a few days. And maybe next time I won’t be a survivor.”

“Don’t say it. You couldn’t die.”

“Everybody can die. A good many have. You’d have to take a chance on waiting.”

She smiled very sweetly. “Maybe it’s worth a chance. You look pretty durable. You look pretty, period.”

“Pretty is a lousy word for a man. Get this straight, though. If we start waiting for each other, no playing around with anybody else. That goes for both of us. My last girl tried it, and she couldn’t hold out.”

“That hurt you, didn’t it?”

“It’s where the war hit me hardest.”

“I wouldn’t be catching you on the rebound, would I?”

“Maybe you would. Emotions are as strange as anything. Especially mine. If emotions weren’t so strange I think I’d want to marry you tomorrow.”

“I couldn’t.” She looked at me quickly.

“Why not?”

“Tomorrow’s my first day on my new job. I couldn’t take off my first day to get married, could I?”

“There isn’t anybody else, is there? Not Halford or anybody?”

“Can’t you see I’m mad about you, Sam?” Her body said the rest, and its language was irresistible.

After a time I told her about my night in Santa Barbara, and Hatcher’s letter.

“Sam, I told you you were playing with fire. Promise me you won’t risk it any more. I didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“I’m extremely crazy about you,” I said. “But I’m even crazier about the idea of seeing Anderson again. Anyway, I never did like the idea of sitting and waiting for somebody else’s axe to fall.”

She looked at me with a drooping mouth. I kissed her mouth. Then I sat down on the edge of the bed to phone Eric Swann on his destroyer. She sat behind me and put her arms around me.

In the time between my dialling and the operator’s answer from the Naval Repair Base, I said: “The girl loves me.”

“Yes, I do. More than you love me.”

“That’s impossible. You’re much more loveable than I am.”