Michael Dobbs - The Final Cut

'When I was a young lieutenant in Cyprus' – the voice sounded dry, as though he'd started smoking again – 'there was an incident. An unhappy collision of fates. A sacrifice, if you like, in the name of Her Majesty's peace. Tom Makepeace today wrote to me, he knows of the incident but not my part in it. Yet if it were ever to be made public, my part in that affair, they would destroy me. Ignore everything I have achieved and strip me like wolves.'

He turned to face her. 'If I give Makepeace any of what he wants, he will pursue the matter. If I don't, he'll pursue me. Either way, there is an excellent chance I shall be destroyed. And time is on his side.' 'Then fight him, Francis.' 'I don't know how.' 'You've plenty of strings to your bow.'

He joined her by the window, took her hands, massaged her misgivings with his thumbs, gently kissed her forehead. 'Strings to my bow. But I'm not sure I have the strength any more to bend the bloody thing.' He laughed, a hollow sound which she chose not to share. 'We must have one more victory, one more successful election behind us. The Urquhart name, yours and mine, written into history. The longest-serving Prime Minister this century.' 'And the greatest.'

'I owe that to you even more than I owe it to myself. I must find some way of beating him, destroying him – any way! And quickly. Everything I have ever achieved depends on it.' 'And what then, Francis?'

'Then perhaps we can think about stepping back and I can become an intolerable old man in carping retirement, if that's what you want.' 'Is that what you want?'

'No. But what else is there? Apart from this I have nothing. Which is why I'm going to fight Tom Makepeace. And all the others. So long as I breathe.'

For Elizabeth it sounded all too much like an epitaph; she held him close in a way they'd not embraced for a considerable time, nuzzling into loose flesh and afraid she was falling into the deep pit of his empty old age.

Suddenly he stiffened, measurably brightened. Something over her shoulder had caught his eye. The workmen had finished laying out the stakes – miniature Union flags, would you believe – and a large lawn mower was lumbering towards them. It approached hesitantly, its progress obstructed, forcing it to slow, to stop and swerve to avoid them. It did so with considerable difficulty, chewing up the neat turf and knocking over several flags as the gardener wrenched at the wheel. Clearly it was not a machine designed to mow in such confined circumstances. Urquhart observed all this with growing interest.

'Anyway, my love, a great general doesn't need to bend his own bow, he gets others to do that for him. All he needs are ideas. And one or two have just come knocking at my door.' 'Max!' he summoned.

Ministers were trooping into the Cabinet Room where they found him at its far end, slapping his fist like a wicket keeper waiting for the next delivery, rather than in his accustomed chair beneath the portrait of Walpole.

Stanbrook made his way over as the others milled around, uncertain about taking their seats while he was still standing.

'Max, dear boy' Urquhart greeted as the other approached. 'Our little conversation about the statue. You remember? Haven't signed the Order yet, have you?'

'I've delayed it as long as I possibly could, F.U.' Stanbrook tried to make it sound like a substantial victory of Hectorian proportion. Then, more sheepishly, 'But I can't find a single damned reason for turning it down.'

Urquhart chastised with a glance, then laid an arm upon his colleague's shoulder and turned him towards the window. 'There's only one reason for turning down such a worthy project, Max, and that's because they haven't raised enough money.' 'But they have. Eighty thousand pounds.'

'That's just for the statue. But what about its maintenance?'

'What's to maintain with a statue, F.U.? An occasional scrub for pigeon droppings is hardly likely to run up bills of massive proportions.'

'But it's not just the birds, is it? What about terrorists?' Stanbrook was nonplussed.

'Home Secretary,' Urquhart called to Geoffrey, who came scampering. The others, too, began to draw closer, fascinated by what was evidently some form of morality play or possibly blood-letting of the new Environment Secretary – either way, no one wanted to miss it.

'Geoffrey, wouldn't you say that a statue of our Beloved Former Leaderene situated just beyond the gardens of Downing Street would be an obvious target for terrorist attack? A symbolic retribution for past failures? Theirs, not hers. Let alone a target for the more obvious attentions of petty vandals and graffiti goons.' 'Certainly, Prime Minister.'

'And so worthy of steps to ensure its – and our -security. Twenty-four hours a day. Perhaps a specially dedicated video security system. How much would that cost?'

'How much would you like it to cost, Prime Minister?'

'Splendid, Geoffrey. To install and maintain – at least ten thousand pounds a year, wouldn't you think?' 'Sounds very reasonable to me.'

'Then, of course, there's the monitoring of that system. Twenty-four hours a day. Plus a visual inspection of the site every hour during the night by the security watch.'

'No change from another twenty thousand pounds for that' Geoffrey offered.

'You see, Max. There's another thirty thousand a year that will have to be found.'

Stanbrook had grown pale, as though haemorrhaging. 'I think the fund will just about run to that, F.U.'

'But you haven't thought of the grass, have you? A surprising omission for a Secretary of State for the Environment.'

'The grass? What's the bloody grass got to do with it?' Both his perspective and his language had collapsed in confusion. 'Everything, as I shall explain. Come with me.'

Urquhart flung open the doors to the patio and, like Mother Goose, led all twenty-five of them in file down the stairs, into the garden, through the door in the old brick wall, and in less than a minute had brought them to the site of the stakes. Startled Special Branch detectives began scurrying everywhere in the manner of cowboys trying to round up loose steers.

'Away! Away off my grass!' he shouted at them. 'This is most important.'

Security withdrew to a nervous distance, wondering whether the old man had had a turn and they should send for Smith amp;. Wessons or Geriatol.

'Observe,' Urquhart instructed, hands spread wide, 'the grass. Beautifully manicured, line after line. Until…' – he made a theatrical gesture of decapitating a victim kneeling at his feet -'here.'

They gathered round to inspect the scuffed and torn turf on which he was standing.

'You see, Max, the lawn mower can't cope. It's too big. So you're going to have to get another one. Transport it here twice a week throughout the summer, just to mow around the statue.'

'Take a bit of strimming, too, I've no doubt.' Bollingbroke had decided to join what was evidently a glorious new summer sport.

'Thank you, Arthur. A strimmer as well, Max. The whole bally production line we have created to keep the green spaces of our gracious city shorn and shaven – disrupted! Put out of gear. Ground to a halt. For your statue.'

'Hardly my statue,' Stanbrook was mumbling, but already there was another player on the field.

'Chief Secretary, what would be the cost of a small mower and strimmer, their storage and transportation from said storage about fifty times a year, plus an allowance for all the chaos to the maintenance schedule which is likely to ensue?' He made it sound as if the centre of London was sure to grind to a halt.

'I'd say another ten thousand,' a youngish man with lips which operated like a goldfish pronounced. 'Minimum.' 'So that's ten, and ten, and twenty. Makes another forty thousand pounds, Max.' 'I'll tell the Society.'