Stuart Woods - Unnatural acts

“Not always,” Stone said, “but this time, you’re right.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“All right, I’ll do that,” Herbie said.

“Just remember,” Stone said, “a gun is of no use to you unless you can put your hand on it in a hurry. Get yourself a nice holster, too. A dresser drawer isn’t close enough.”

“That’s good advice.”

“Yeah,” Dino said, “even Stone gives good advice once in a great while. When it agrees with mine.”

“Listen, fellas,” Herbie said, “if anything bad happens to me, it won’t be an accident. Please remember that.”

Stone and Dino exchanged glances.

“Sure, kid,” Dino said, “we’ll mention it at your funeral.”

Shelley Bach leafed through the New York Post. She was bored, horny, and getting annoyed about it. Then a name leapt out at her:

DETECTIVES BACCHETTI amp; MAHON WITNESS MURDERER’S SUICIDE

Shelley read the account of Abney’s demise avidly. She had tried to put Dino out of her mind, but now he was back, and in a good way. She let her mind roam back to their time in the suite at the Hay-Adams Hotel in Washington, then she reached for her vibrator. Batteries dead. She threw it across the room, got out of bed, and ran a hot tub. She needed to relax.

Later, fresh, with her hair done, she surveyed her new image in the mirror once again. Such a difference! Dino wouldn’t know her from Eve, but he would like her, she was sure of that. She had an idea but dismissed it-too dangerous-then she thought again. She found her prepaid cell phone and called the 19th Precinct. “Lieutenant Bacchetti,” she said to the sergeant who answered.

“Bacchetti.”

“Hi, Dino,” she said in a low voice.

There was a silence, then, “Shelley?”

“I saw the write-up in the Post,” she said. “Good work.”

“Can you hang on just a moment, please?” He put her on hold.

Damn, she thought. He ’ s tracing the call. She glanced at the second hand on her wristwatch. She’d give him sixty seconds of her time.

“I’m back,” he said. “Where are you?”

“Oh, I’m at an available distance,” she said. “Why don’t we meet this evening for a drink?”

“Okay,” Dino replied. “Where and when?”

“How about Bemelmans Bar at the Carlyle, ten o’clock? That close enough to your bedtime?”

“See you there,” Dino said.

She hung up and made another call, this one to an escort service.

Dino went to his office door and shouted, “Any luck?”

Rosie stood up in her cubicle. “Nope, not long enough.”

“Shit! Come in here, Rosie.” He went back to his desk.

Rosie came in and sat down. “What’s up, boss? Who was on the call?”

“When’s Viv getting out?”

“Tomorrow, if she doesn’t have a temperature. They held her an extra day because of that.”

Dino felt the wrestling match between his duty and his dick. “It would be nice to have this cleared up by then,” he said.

“Have what cleared up? The phone call? Who was it from?”

“You ever heard of an FBI assistant director named Shelley Bach?”

“Heard of her? Are you kidding? She was big news last year. Was that Bach on the phone?”

Dino nodded. “I knew her when Stone and I were on that D.C. thing.”

“I’m not going to ask what you mean by ‘knew,’ even though I want to know.”

“I’ve got a shot at busting her tonight,” Dino said.

“That would be quite a bust,” Rosie said.

“She’s asked me to meet her for a drink at the Carlyle.”

“I expect the Bureau would like to know about that,” Rosie pointed out.

Dino shook his head. “They’re so desperate to nail her they’d flood the area with agents. She’d spot the setup from a mile away. You think she doesn’t know how they think?”

“She doesn’t know how I think,” Rosie said.

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“Then let’s do it.”

“Who around here doesn’t look like a cop?” Dino asked.

“Viv,” Rosie replied.

“Viv isn’t up to this yet.”

“She’d hate to miss it.”

“We’ll have to live with that.” He thought about it. “Shelley wouldn’t be expecting two women, though.”

“Who would?”

“Come with me,” Dino said, checking his watch. “It’s nearly nine o’clock.”

Viv was sitting up in the hospital bed, flipping impatiently through a magazine when Dino and Rosie walked in.

“Have you two come to liberate me?” she asked.

Dino and Rosie pulled up chairs. “How are you feeling?” he asked, then he held up a hand. “No, how are you really feeling?”

“I was ready to go back to work the day before yesterday,” Viv replied. “What’s going on?”

“I’m reluctant to let you do this,” Dino said.

Viv threw the magazine at him. “I don’t care what it is,” she said, “just get me out of here.”

Dino looked at Rosie and nodded. Rosie set a shopping bag on the bed. “I picked up some of your stuff.”

“Get dressed,” Dino said. “I’ll go find somebody to sign off on this.” He got up and left.

“What’s up?” Viv asked, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and reaching for the shopping bag.

“You’re going to like it,” Rosie said, grinning.

Shelley heard the doorbell and went to answer it. She opened the door and silently surveyed the man who stood there, to see if her wishes had been followed. He was in his mid-thirties, well over six feet, slim, wearing an expensive suit, expensive shoes, and an expensive haircut. “You’ll do,” she said. “Come in for a minute.”

She stood back and let him enter. “I’m Brenda,” she said.

He smiled, revealing expensive dental work. “I’m Steve.”

“Hello, Steve,” she said, offering her hand. “I think you’re going to work out just fine.”

“Thank you,” Steve replied. “And speaking of work…”

“Of course,” she said. She went to her handbag and retrieved the money, already counted out and in a hotel envelope. “Here you are.”

“You’ll get your money’s worth,” he said. “Whatever you want.”

“Right now, I want a drink and some dinner,” she said. “I’ve booked a table in Bemelmans Bar, downstairs. It’s in a corner with a good view of the bar and the entertainment. I’ll take the gunfighter’s seat, facing the room. Got it?”

“Whatever you want,” Steve said.

“I may decide to leave suddenly. If I do, your first job is to get out of my way. Your second job is to follow close behind me. Your third job is to get in the way of anybody who follows me.”

“Whatever you want.”

“A jealous ex-husband could show up. Can you handle that?”

“I can handle whatever you want.”

She looked at her watch. “Let’s go.”

Dino’s driver stopped on Seventy-fifth Street, half a block short of Madison Avenue, as instructed.

“Okay, listen up,” Dino said from the front passenger seat.

“We’re listening,” Viv said from the backseat.

“This is not going to be as easy as it sounds,” he said.

“It doesn’t sound easy,” Rosie replied.

“It’s even harder than that. Shelley Bach is a very, very smart woman.”

“She doesn’t have a monopoly,” Viv said.

“You start thinking like that, and she’ll have you for dinner.”

“All right, all right.”

“Shelley will be armed.”

“How do you know that?” Rosie asked.

“She was an FBI agent for twenty-odd years. She got used to packing, and she likes it.”

“Does she take it off in bed?” Viv asked.

“Goddammit, will you two take this seriously?”