Blake Pierce: Once Gone

Besides, did she really wish her own gut instincts on anybody? She lived too much in terror of her own thoughts, haunted by her troubling capacity to grasp an evil mind. It was a hard thing to live with.

“Thanks,” Riley said, “but I like it just where I am.”

Meredith nodded, and rose from his chair. “Well, let’s call it a day. Get some rest, folks.”

The meeting broke up, and Riley and Bill found themselves walking down the hall together silently. They left the building and sat down together on a bench outside. Whole minutes passed. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. There was too much to say.

“Bill,” she asked tentatively, “do you think we can be partners again?”

After a pause, Bill said, “What do you think?”

They turned and looked into each other’s eyes. Riley could see lingering pain in Bill’s face. The wound she’d inflicted with her drunken phone call still hadn’t healed. It was going to take a long time.

But she now knew something else – something that had long been true, but that she’d never let herself admit before. Her bond to Bill was intense and powerful, and he almost certainly felt the same. It was no longer a secret that they could keep from themselves. There was no way for them to go back to their former ways.

Their partnership was over. They both knew it. Neither one of them had to say it aloud.

“Go home, Bill,” Riley said gently. “Try to put things back together with your wife. You’ve got your kids to think of.”

“I will,” Bill said. “But I hope I don’t lose you – your friendship, I mean.”

Riley patted his hand and smiled.

“There’s no chance of that,” she said.

They both got up from the bench and walked away to their cars.

“What’s on your mind, Mom?” April asked.

Riley and April had been sitting in the living room long into the night watching television. Earlier that evening, Riley had told April all that had happened – or at least all that she felt she could tell her.

Riley hesitated before answering April’s question. But she knew that she had to say it aloud. Besides, April knew about it already. It wasn’t a secret. It was just something Riley couldn’t shake off her mind.

“I killed a man today,” Riley said.

April looked at her with love and concern.

“I know,” she said. “What does that feel like?”

“It’s hard to put into words,” Riley said. “It’s terrible. It’s something no one has a right to do – not ever, really. But sometimes it’s the only thing.”

Riley paused. “I feel something else,” she said. “I’m not sure I should say it.”

April laughed quietly. “I thought we weren’t going to do the silent thing anymore, Mom.”

Riley steadied herself and said, “I feel alive. God help me, it makes me feel alive. And any day now, I know that some woman will walk into Madeline’s store and buy a doll and never be in any danger. I’m just… well, I’m just happy for her. I’m glad that I could give her that, even if she’ll never know it.”

Riley squeezed April’s hand.

“It’s late, and you’ve got school tomorrow,” she said.

April kissed her mother on the cheek.

“Goodnight, Mom,” she said, then went to her bedroom.

Riley felt a new wave of pain and exhaustion. She realized that she’d better get to bed or she’d fall asleep right there on the couch.

She picked herself up and walked toward her bedroom. She was already in her nightgown, and she didn’t bother to stop at the bathroom to brush her teeth. She just wanted to go straight to bed.

When she entered her bedroom and turned on the light, something caught her eye immediately. Her heart skipped a beat.

There, in her bed, was something awry.

It was a handful of small pebbles.