Блейк Пирс - Waiting

Riley was really struggling not to cry now. The future seemed so murky and mysterious.

She asked, “What am I going to do if I’m not in the program? I can’t just sit around this apartment all day.”

Ryan shrugged slightly.

“Well, you can always find a job, help with the expenses. Maybe some kind of temp work—something you can just walk away from whenever you get tired of doing it. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you. There’s plenty of time to figure out what you really want to do. But before long, I could be successful enough that you wouldn’t have to work at all if you don’t want to.”

They both fell quiet for a moment.

Then Riley said, “So do you think I should quit?”

“What I think doesn’t matter,” Ryan said. “It’s your decision. And whatever you decide, I’ll do my best to back you up.”

They didn’t say much for the rest of the meal. After they finished eating, they watched TV for a while. Riley couldn’t really focus on what they were watching. She kept thinking about what Agent Crivaro had said …

“You’ve got to decide whether you’ve really got what it takes to stay in this program.”

The more Riley thought about it, the more doubt and uncertainty she felt.

After all, she had more than just herself to think about. There was Ryan, the baby, and even Agent Crivaro.

She remembered something else her would-be mentor had said …

“I pulled a lot of strings to get you into this program.”

And keeping her in the program wasn’t going to make Crivaro’s life any easier. He was likely to keep catching flak from colleagues who didn’t think Riley belonged there, especially if she didn’t live up to his expectations.

And she sure hadn’t lived up to his expectations today.

Ryan eventually took a shower and went to bed. Riley sat on the couch, continuing to mull over her choices.

Finally, she picked up a legal pad and started to draft a letter of resignation to Hoke Gilmer, the training supervisor. She was surprised at how much better she felt as she kept writing the letter. When she came to the end, she felt as if a load had been lifted from her mind.

This is the right choice, she thought.

She figured she would get up early tomorrow morning, tell Ryan about her decision, type her letter into his computer, then print it and send it out with the morning mail. She’d also make a phone call to Agent Crivaro, who would surely be relieved.

Finally, she went to bed, feeling much better about things. She found it easy to go to sleep.

Riley found herself walking into the J. Edgar Hoover Building.

What am I doing here? she wondered.

Then she noticed the legal pad in her hand, with her letter written on it.

Oh, yes, she realized.

I came to deliver this to Agent Gilmer personally.

She took the elevator down three floors, then went into the auditorium where the interns had met yesterday.

To her alarm, all the interns were seated in the auditorium watching her every move. Agent Gilmer was standing at the front of the auditorium, looking at her with his arms crossed.

“What do you want, Sweeney?” Gilmer asked, sounding a lot more stern than he had yesterday when he’d addressed the group.

Riley glanced at the interns, who gazed at her silently with accusing expressions.

Then she said to Gilmer, “I won’t take any of your time. I just need to give you this.”

She handed him the yellow legal pad.

Gilmer raised his reading glasses to look at the pad.

“What’s this?” he asked.

Riley opened her mouth to say …

“It’s my letter of resignation from the program.”

But instead, different words came out of her mouth …

“I, Riley Sweeney, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States …”

To her alarm, she realized …

I’m reciting the FBI oath of office.

And she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

“…that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same …”

Gilmer pointed to the legal pad and asked again …

“What’s this?”

Riley still wanted to explain what it really was, but the words of the oath continued to pour out …

“… I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion …”

Gilmer’s face was morphing into another face.

It was Jake Crivaro, and he was looking angry. He waved the pad in front of her face.

“What’s this?” he snarled.

Riley was surprised to see that nothing was written there at all.

She heard all the other interns murmuring aloud, speaking the same oath but in a confused jumble of voices.

Meanwhile, she was nearing the end of the oath …

“… I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.”

Crivaro seemed to be seething now.

“What the hell’s this?” he said, pointing to the blank yellow paper.

Riley tried to tell him, but no words came out.

Riley’s eyes snapped open when she heard an unfamiliar buzzing sound.

She was lying in bed next to Ryan.

It was a dream, she realized.

But the dream definitely meant something. In fact, it meant everything. She’d taken an oath, and she couldn’t take it back. Which meant she couldn’t resign from the program. It wasn’t a legal problem. It was personal. It was a matter of principle.

But what if I get kicked out?

What do I do then?

Meanwhile, she wondered—what was that buzzing sound that kept repeating over and over again?

Still half-asleep, Ryan groaned and muttered …

“Answer your damn phone, Riley.”

Then Riley remembered the cell phone she’d been given yesterday at the FBI building. She fumbled around on the side table until she found it, then scrambled out of bed and carried it out of the room and shut the door behind her.

It took her a moment to figure out which button to push to take the call. When she finally succeeded, she heard a familiar voice.

“Sweeney? Did I wake you?”

It was Agent Crivaro, sounding none too friendly.

“No, of course not,” Riley said.

“Liar. It’s five o’clock in the morning.”

Riley sighed deeply. She realized she felt sick to her stomach.

Crivaro said, “How long will it take you to get awake and dressed?”

Riley thought for a moment, then said, “Um, fifteen minutes, I guess.”

“I’ll be there in ten. Meet me outside your building.”

Crivaro ended the call without another word.

What does he want? Riley wondered.

Is he coming here to personally fire me?

Suddenly she felt a rising wave of nausea. She knew it was morning sickness—the worst she’d experienced so far during her pregnancy.

She let out a groan and thought …

Just what I need right now.

Then she rushed to the bathroom.

When Jake Crivaro pulled up to the apartment building, Riley Sweeney was already waiting outside. Jake noticed that she looked more than a little pale as she got into the car.

“Not feeling well?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” Riley said.

She doesn’t look fine, Jake thought. She doesn’t sound fine, either.

Jake wondered if maybe she’d partied too hard last night. These young interns did that sometimes. Or maybe she’d just had too much to drink right at home. She’d certainly seemed discouraged when he’d dropped her off yesterday—and small wonder, after the chewing out he’d given her. Maybe she’d tried to drown her sorrows.