Питер Ловси - The Stone Wife

‘It must be Mr. Diamond’s idea of respect.’

‘What for?’

Monica caressed the side of the urn. ‘You mean “Who for?” My poor John, of course.’

‘This isn’t the funeral,’ Erica said. ‘We had that. Even hearses go faster than this between towns. We’ll be hours getting to Petherton Park at this rate.’

‘We’re making a stop at Bridgwater first, to unload the carving.’

‘That doesn’t show much respect. I thought the purpose of the trip was to scatter the ashes.’

‘He told me what he planned to do. He’s doing me a favour by showing me the site. We have to go through Bridgwater to get to North Petherton.’

‘We could have stopped there on the way back.’

‘I don’t suppose it will delay us much. Besides, we haven’t got to be there at a particular time.’

‘They ought to have more consideration. It’s a sad duty you have to perform and this prolongs it.’

‘I don’t think of it as sad,’ Monica said. ‘I’m taking him where he would most like to be, close to Chaucer.’

‘The last I heard, Chaucer was buried in Westminster Abbey.’

‘Did he fix a time for the handover at the museum?’ Ingeborg asked.

‘I expect so. Tomorrow, at the rate we’re moving.’

‘How are we doing? I’m on automatic here.’

‘Soon be at Wells. Roughly halfway.’

‘Only as far as that? I’m getting dangerously close to boiling point.’

‘You’re dangerously close to the trailer again. God knows what would happen if we gave it a nudge.’

She shook with laughter. ‘Chunks of old limestone all over the road, that’s what, and the guv’nor dodging in and out of the traffic trying to rescue them.’

‘It doesn’t bear thinking about,’ Halliwell said.

‘It’s hilarious. And if Monica got out to help and tipped the ashes over…’

‘Is Monica still with us?’ He turned in his seat. ‘She is. You’re going to tell me she and her sister were two of the robbers with their hair tucked into the balaclava masks.’

‘I have to say I hadn’t thought of that.’

‘Is this what today is all about? Are we nicking Monica and Erica after they finish scattering the ashes?’

‘How many pairs of handcuffs did you bring?’

‘The building on the right that looks like a church is Chilton Priory,’ Diamond announced. ‘It used to be a museum. The Wife of Bath was an exhibit there in early Victorian times.’

Denis Doggart said in what was plainly meant to be a crushing retort, ‘It’s not unknown to me. I mentioned it in the sale catalogue.’

But Diamond rose above it. ‘So you did. Thought you might not have noticed. It means we’re coming into Bridgwater shortly.’

Doggart twisted in his seat, unable to contain himself any longer. ‘What’s the real reason I’m here, Mr. Diamond?’

‘If you haven’t worked it out by now, I’m surprised. But I’ll tell you.’

‘Spot on,’ Diamond said, looking up from his watch.

The museum was at the end of a cul-de-sac in Blake Street and the entire convoy was able to draw up outside. He emerged from the Land Rover as spry as when they’d started, the only traveller free of stress. Everyone else felt as if they’d driven from Inverness.

The building — a converted sixteenth century house named after one of Britain’s more successful admirals, said to have been born there in 1598 — was closed to visitors outside the summer months, but Diamond had arranged to meet one of the curators.

‘This is going to be a doddle,’ he said, rubbing his hands. ‘No steps. We can wheel her straight in.’

Ingeborg was not so upbeat. ‘First we have to find some way to lift her off the trailer.’

‘We need more muscle,’ Keith Halliwell said. Back at Manvers Street, the heavy work had been done by the team of young constables who had got used to humping the stone in and out of Diamond’s office.

‘Don’t look at me,’ Denis Doggart said. ‘I’m not a porter.’ The shredded nerves were showing.

Nothing would shake Diamond’s optimism. ‘Relax, people. I was promised help at this end. Let’s see if anyone’s here yet.’

As if by his force of will alone, the door opened before he stepped up to it. A meaty and bearded man, who might have passed for Admiral Blake himself, thrust out his hand, ‘Tank Sherman. We spoke on the phone.’

Diamond introduced everyone except John Gildersleeve (in his urn and clasped to Monica’s bosom) and they moved into the flagstone entrance hall. Low-ceilinged and with waist-high wainscot panelling, the building left visitors in no uncertainty of its great age. Doors were open to left and right and, ominously for all involved in the heavy work to come, stairs rose to an upper floor.

‘Have the volunteers arrived?’

‘On their way,’ Tank said, matching Diamond in conviviality. ‘We’re all volunteers here. The Blake is entirely run on love, loyalty and donations. We get a modest grant from the town council and that’s it. Would you care to look round?’

‘First, I’d like to see where you want the thing put.’

‘The good wife? You’ll be relieved to learn she’s not going upstairs. The floors couldn’t take the strain. They’re like a switchback as it is. She’s to go in the meeting room, on your right here. A temporary stay, we hope. The plan is to sell her to the British Museum as soon as possible. It’s a shame, a precious local artefact going to London, but an old building like this needs the occasional face lift.’

‘Make sure you get a fair price,’ Doggart said.

‘We intend to, believe me.’

‘Would you like me to value it again? It’s worth considerably more than I originally thought.’

‘Thanks, but we’re perfectly capable of working the price out for ourselves,’ Tank said with a smile that had strength of purpose behind it. ‘We know how the auction went.’

‘The auction didn’t finish.’

‘Exactly. The BM can be pushed up appreciably more and with all the publicity the piece must have acquired extra value since then. Believe me, I didn’t get my nickname for nothing. I’ll be in there with all guns blazing.’

Unfortunate turn of phrase. Diamond exchanged a glance with Ingeborg, who had winced when she heard it. But Tank’s next suggestion, of coffee in the ground-floor office, was enthusiastically approved by everyone.

‘My team will have theirs outside in the street,’ Diamond said. ‘Mustn’t leave the Wife of Bath unguarded.’

‘Oh, terrific!’ Ingeborg said.

Diamond squashed that little insurrection. ‘And it’s the perfect opportunity to brief you on what happens next.’

Communication had never been Diamond’s strong suit. On the rare occasions he had news to impart, it was worth hearing. So while Monica, Erica and Doggart joined Tank Sherman in the office, the police contingent trooped outside to be instructed on the plan of action. What they heard from their boss was no less than the solution to the case, and it was both surprising and unnerving.

The coffee was the instant kind and the milk was long life, but nobody objected, and there were gingernuts on offer to mask the taste. Diamond joined the others after his impromptu case conference in the street.

‘I’d better fill the kettle again,’ Tank said. ‘The reinforcements are due shortly. I asked Tim and his brothers, as you suggested, and they were only too pleased to be part of the team.’

Diamond explained to Monica, ‘Tim Carroll is the local historian, the fellow who knows precisely where the Chaucer house once stood. We met last time I was here.’

‘And will he come with us to Petherton Park?’

‘I feel sure he will.’