David Handler - The sweet golden parachute

“Both of you should go back right now,” Des whispered insistently.

“And you should shut up,” Yolie whispered back.

“But what about proper procedure?”

“Girl, we could care less about procedure.”

“We care about you,” Soave agreed.

Des mouthed the words, “Thank you.” And warned them to watch out for Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

They didn’t have the slightest idea what she was talking about but they both nodded their heads. Then the three of them pressed on.

“My sweet bitch of a sister was planning to hang herself tonight,” Eric revealed, his lip curling at Mitch unpleasantly. “Who wouldn’t buy that? Just think of the mess she’s made of her life. Mark inherits what’s hers, and Danielle has him comfortably under her thumb. With proper handling, Mark would have kept us afloat for several years.”

“By which time Poochie would die of natural causes and all of your money worries would be over,” Mitch said, glancing up at Danielle. She looked pale and frightened in the front pew.

“Exactly.” Eric merely looked determined as he knelt over Mitch, that knife held to his throat. It trembled slightly in his hand.

“And Bement? How did he figure into this?”

“He doesn’t,” Eric replied. “The kid could care less about money. All he thinks about is the Kershaw girl.”

“Eric, you sure were right about one thing,” Mitch concluded, pinned there on the floor with his hands lashed beneath him, his shoulders throbbing. “Madness runs in the family. You’re insane. You both are. And now you’re totally screwed. You should give yourselves up. Because they’ll never agree to your demands. You have no chance of getting away. None.”

“You’re wrong, Mitch. Everything’s going to be okay. But what’s taking them so long?”

“The snipers have to get in position,” Mitch explained, fighting off the overwhelming impulse to panic. He had to keep talking. As long as he was talking he could hang on. But how much longer? “Those guys, they’re amazing. They can zone-in on a freckle from a half-mile away. I imagine they’ll set up on the neighboring rooftops.”

Eric glanced around at the windows, his eyes bulging with alarm. There were so many windows. So many different vantage points. He scrambled back behind Mitch, hugging him to his chest as a human shield. “They wouldn’t shoot up a church,” he argued.

“Won’t have to. You asked for a car to take us to the airport. As soon as we walk out the front door they’ll shoot you dead in your tracks. You won’t even know what hit you.”

“Don’t try to rile me, Mitch. They’ll agree to our terms. We’ll be fine.”

“You two will never be fine,” Mitch said stubbornly. “You don’t trust each other.”

“Of course we do,” Danielle objected. “You’re wrong, Mitch.”

“Really? Then why did Eric tell me he thinks you’re fed up with him? I think he’s terrified that you really are having an affair with Mark.”

“I love my husband. I’d never do any such thing.”

“Eric doesn’t believe that, Danielle. He was afraid you’d try to pin this all on him and run off with Mark. It’s the classic double-cross. Think Out of the Past. Think The Killing, which it might interest you to know was directed by a young unknown named Stanley Kubrick.”

Danielle shook her head at him. “I don’t know what any of this means.”

“It means your boy has been fitting you for a pair of hot pink Jimmy Choos.”

“Now I really don’t know what you mean. But you’re wrong about us, Mitch. We’re together. We’ve always been together.”

“I’m not buying that, Danielle. You see, I’ve just spent quality time with someone who knows the real Eric. And she told me his so-called mission in life is all one big, pesticide-free scam. That he’s strictly about himself.”

“What are you talking about now?” Eric demanded angrily. “Who are you talking about?”

“A girl who deserved to be treated a whole lot better than you treated her,” Mitch answered, feeling the man’s entire body tense up. “You talked a lot about yourself in bed, Eric. You talked too much.”

Danielle peered at her husband warily. “Eric, what is he?…”

“N-Nothing, hon.” Eric’s voice suddenly cracked like an adolescent schoolboy’s. “A perfectly innocent situation. Just this girl who was hung up on me years and years ago.”

“Which girl?”

“Allison Mapes,” Mitch informed her.

“She’s the little teenager who used to go to the green markets with you.”

“Right, I-I was mentoring her.”

Mitch let out a hoot. “He was putting it to her for months and months, Danielle. She told me he couldn’t get enough of her.”

Danielle gaped at Eric in horror. “You were cheating on me with that child?”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Mitch continued, “I was plenty surprised myself. Eric’s such a do-gooder. Up at dawn every morning. He works hard. He cares about the land and the-”

“Oh, shut up!” Danielle screamed. “Just… shut… up!” She’d begun rocking back and forth in the pew, hugging herself tightly as tears streamed down her cheeks. “She was a child, you pervert. She was… my God, how old was she?”

“Fourteen,” Mitch answered as he lay there in Eric’s vise-like grip. “That does constitute statutory rape. And he could still go to jail for it if Allison wanted to press charges. Mind you, that’s the least of your legal worries right now.”

“Bastard!” Danielle spat, rocking back and forth like a distraught mourner.

“Hon, I’m not proud about that chapter of my life,” Eric confessed tonelessly. “But I’ve healed myself. We’re talking about something that happened a long, long time ago. It’s been over for years.”

“He’s right about that,” Mitch conceded. “Allison’s good and through with him-mostly because Eric wasn’t straight with her. Kept bragging about how rich he’d be one day. How he’d divorce you and marry her. But as soon as he’d had his fill he dumped her. Nearly destroyed her, too. She’s doing a lot better these days. Not great, but okay.”

“You seem to know an awful lot about her,” Eric muttered sourly.

“Well, yeah. We just spent the night together.”

“You did what?”

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, Eric,” Mitch pleaded. “Because then I’ll start wondering whether you were hoping to take up with her again after you made your big score. And I’m not sure I can handle any more weirdness right now.”

“That wasn’t going to happen,” Eric told Danielle earnestly. “Don’t listen to him, okay? He’s strictly playing with your mind. You can see that, can’t you?”

Danielle stared at him dumbly. She seemed dazed, as if she’d just staggered away from a head-on collision with a bus. “How could you do that to me?”

“He’s a ruthless, scheming murderer, Danielle,” Mitch pointed out. “Everything about his life is a total lie. What made you think he’d be honest with you?”

“We’re in this together,” she said hopelessly.

“You’re wrong, Danielle. Eric betrayed you with Allison. And he figured you were betraying him with Mark. This may not be the ideal time to mention it, but you two have some serious problems with your marriage.”

“If you don’t shut your big mouth,” warned Eric, biting off the words angrily, “I swear I will slit your throat right now!”

“Eric, you’re almost enough to turn me off of do-gooders entirely. But not quite, because I’ll let you in on a little secret-I believe in people.” Mitch gazed up toward the balcony now, smiling hugely. “I believe we do the right thing most of the time. I have to believe that, Eric. Because if it’s not true, then where are we? We’re… well, we’re you.”