Steve Hamilton - North of Nowhere

“But just based on the list of suspects, Alex, isn’t Swanson the name you’d come up with?”

“I know you can rule out Jackie,” I said. “And Bennett and Gill. I don’t know Kenny…”

“Assume it’s not Kenny,” he said. “Kenny’s got no reason to do this. No reason at all.”

“Okay, then that leaves Swanson. Assuming that nobody else knows about the safe.”

“Exactly,” he said. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”

“That’s it? That’s the opinion you wanted from me? Just to agree with you on that?”

“That’s what I was thinking at first,” he said, “but now…Let’s say that certain things have caused me to see it another way.”

“Certain things. Like what?”

“Let’s talk about you for a minute,” he said.

“Why do you want to talk about me?”

“Leon had some interesting things to say about you. So did Roy.”

“By Roy, I take it you mean Chief Maven? What are you, best buddies or something?”

“Not at all. He’s just a good police chief trying to solve a crime. Naturally we talked about the other men who were at my house that night. He seemed quite…agitated when your name came up.”

“Why am I not surprised…”

“Leon paints a very positive picture of you,” he said. “Maven, maybe not so positive. But I put both pictures together and I see something very intriguing. A failed baseball player, a failed cop. A failure as a private investigator even, although naturally Leon didn’t come out and say that. He did say that he hasn’t spoken to you in a while, and that you seem to have changed. I’m thinking, with everything you’ve been through, all the hard knocks you’ve taken, what do you have to show for it? You’ve always done the right thing, stayed on the straight path, for what?”

“I don’t have a few million dollars like you do,” I said. “Is that what you’re getting at? Would it occur to you that I don’t care about that?”

“You’ve never committed a crime in your entire life,” he said, “but now maybe you’re in a state of mind where you’d be…a little more receptive to the idea of trying something.”

“I can’t believe this. You really think I did it.”

“No,” he said. “Not at all. I know you didn’t set this whole thing up. But maybe, just maybe, if some person…or persons…were to approach you with this idea of playing a key role in a takedown.”

“A takedown,” I said. “My God, you are completely insane.”

“You were the inside man, weren’t you? You’ve been around criminals, and around guns. You knew how something like this works, what bases had to be covered. You knew how to make sure it went smoothly. With you right there on the scene, how could it not? If anything unexpected happened, you’d be there to deal with it.”

“This is quite a yarn you’re spinning,” I said. “It’s downright entertaining.”

“At first, I’m thinking, why do it with all those other people there? Why not just catch me alone? Or just me and my wife? Then it hits me. This way is better. This way is actually a lot safer. If I was by myself, I might have tried something stupid. Figure what the hell, it’s just me here, I’m gonna try to disarm this guy, shoot it out. And if it was me and my wife…Somebody putting a gun to my wife’s head? Again, assuming that I didn’t know she was screwing Swanson behind my back and I still gave a fuck what happened to her? I’d be a madman. I could do anything. Try to take them all on at once.”

“I seem to recall you just about wetting your pants the other night,” I said. “But go ahead. I don’t want to ruin your fantasy.”

“With five guests in the house, five men who I feel some responsibility for, but not so much that I’m crazy about it, you knew I’d play along. No problem at all.”

“Okay, so if I was brought in as the inside man,” I said, “then who asked me? Whose idea was this, Vargas?”

“You know who we’re talking about.”

“Who? If it’s not Swanson and it’s not Kenny, who are we talking about? Jackie? Gill? Bennett? Hell, didn’t Bennett take a nice shot to the ribs trying to protect you?”

“That was just for effect,” he said. “He was acting. I know he wouldn’t have done it if it was for real.”

“Do these men know that you’ve foiled their grand plan?”

“No,” he said. “I thought I’d bring it to you first. If you can round up all the money and give it back to me, maybe I’d be willing to drop the whole thing.”

“That’s big of you.”

“Stop playing games with me,” he said. His face was red now. Hell, his whole head was red. “It’s bottom-line time. I could just as easily go back to shore with one less person on board. A tragic accident, and you on the bottom of the lake.” He stood up from his chair. The dog stood below him, right between his legs. Two against one.

“I assume you’ve got a gun,” I said.

“I don’t need a gun,” he said. “You know why?”

“Because you’re a total fucking moron?”

“You ever hear of Moo Duk Kwan?”

“Sure, with rice and an eggroll… It’s delicious.”

“It’s a Korean martial art,” he said. “I picked it up when I was stationed there.”

“Does it work on boats?”

“You’re about to find out,” he said. “Stand up.” He went into his pose, left hand down, right hand in a fist. He lifted his left leg slightly off the ground, no doubt ready to kick the living shit out of me. The dog stayed on all fours.

I didn’t get up. I figured that’s the last thing I wanted to do, get on my feet, put my dukes up, then get cut in half. If I keep sitting here, I thought, he’s not going to do anything yet. I didn’t think they taught him how to attack someone sitting in a deck chair.

“Stand up,” he said. “What’s the matter with you?”

“I’m trying very hard not to laugh,” I said. Stay calm. Act like it’s all a big joke. Keep him off balance. I picked up my bottle of beer, took a hit off it. As I put it back in the little bottle holder on the gunwale, I glanced down at the little shelf that ran along the deck. Life jackets. A seat cushion. A fire extinguisher.

“McKnight, if you’re a man you’ll stand the hell up.” The dog picked up on the hostility in his master’s voice, started dancing around again and barking.

“You know what your problem is, Vargas?” I said. “Your problem is… Look out for the dog!”

He looked down. It was all I needed. I came out of the chair at him, and as he lashed out at me with a side kick, I dropped to the deck and swept his back ankle. Before he could get up, I grabbed the fire extinguisher and hit him in the head with it. I stood over him, ready to hit him again if I had to. The dog went absolutely rabid on me, jumping at me with fire in its little bug eyes, trying to tear my kneecaps off.

“You’re gonna be bait in about two seconds, dog. Get the hell out of my way.”

I grabbed some rope and tied Vargas’s hands behind his back. There was a big welt already rising on his forehead. For a sick moment I wondered if I had hit him too hard, but then he started to come to. I sat him up against the door to the cabin and took the captain’s chair, threw the throttle forward and nearly flipped the whole damned boat over. That got the dog going again. I had to kick him away a few times while I throttled it back to a reasonable speed and headed back to shore.

“What the fuck…” Vargas said, shaking his head. That welt was going to look terrible, I could tell. Not a good thing on a bald man.

“Hold on, Vargas,” I said. “We’re going home.”

“Goddamn it, I should have known you’d be a cheap-shot artist.”