Quintin Jardine - Skinner's ghosts

'I know now what it was. It's cal ed bereavement, and all widowed people carry it around inside them. Some have faith that helps them to handle it, that even lets them draw strength from it. But I lost my wife young, and I never came to terms with the fact. At least not until Sarah came along. When I met her, that coldness began to disappear, until at last, it was gone altogether, and I was really happy again, after half a lifetime.'

He leaned back in the chair. 'Then, out of the blue, it seemed, things went pear-shaped between the two of us, very suddenly and completely unexpectedly. I'd just assumed that we'd be happy ever after.

'It doesn't matter whose fault it was, whether I was wrong or whether she was, or whether, as is most likely, we both were. We had just lost the way. We were broken asunder. And with that, and no doubt with my uncovering the circumstances ofMyra's death as well, that big, cold beast of bereavement was back with me.'

He looked up at Proud. 'Loneliness is the only thing in life that really scares me. Jimmy. The prospect of it makes me crazy.

'Fortuitous or whatever, Pam was there for me when I needed her most, to help me fight off my fear. I believe that everything I've done since then has been proper, except that I chose to be secretive about it. I should have told my family, I should have come clean with Sarah when I saw her in May, and I should have taken you into my confidence.

'For al of that, I apologise to you.' He stopped.

'First time in my life I've ever had to say that to you, and it'll be the last. Like Pam said to me, it's a bugger when you discover you ain't the person you thought you were.'

The gruff old Chief Constable stood over him. 'Apology accepted, son,' he said, and sat down, facing Skinner. 'Don't be too hard on yourself.

'Now' he muttered, grimly, 'what are we going to do about this bloody man Salmon?'

'That's the point at which I have to leave you to make your own decisions, sir. If nothing else, I have caused embarrassment to the force. It's for you to determine your course of action without input from me. That's why I've brought Royston with me.

'He'll brief you on the questions that are likely to come up, and advise you on the shape of your responses. The content is up to you.

If you want to suspend me forthwith, I'l respect that and make no public reaction myself.'

'Hah!' the Chief roared. 'Suspend you! Do you think I'd let a wipearse like Salmon, and his paper, deprive this city of its finest police officer? I'm going to stand by you, just as you've always stood by everyone under your command.'

The silver-haired Sir James paused, and his expression became serious once more. 'There is one thing, though, of which we should both be conscious. We have a new government in power, elected on the crest of a wave of concern about probity in public life. Its party members are in the ruling majority on the Joint Police Board.

'The one area in this job where I'm still ahead of you, Bob, is in the politics of it. For you they don't exist, but believe me, they do.

I can hold the Chair of the Board in line, but some of the members, as you've seen for yourself, are unpredictable. A few are downright anti-polis! We even know of a couple with criminal records.'

Proud rose, walked over to Skinner and laid a hand on his shoulder.

'I have friends in the Scottish media that even you don't know about.

Most of the press won't run with this story. Unless, that is, the Board gives them no option. I'll do my best on that score, I promise.

'Now, let's see what advice Master Royston has to give me.'

There was a long silence at the other end of the line. 'Let me get this straight,' said Sarah at last, her New York tones more drawn-out than ever. 'You're telling me that you're having an affair, and that because of it, our lives, our child, and the state of our marriage are going to be all over the gutter press.'

'I can't soften it, love,' said Bob. 'That's what's happened.'

'This woman, the Pamela creature. Were you screwing her before you visited with Jazz and me in May?'

'Yes. I'm sorry: I should have told you back then.'

A snort bounced off the satellite, and crossed the Atlantic. 'Oh no you shouldn't! With my folks around, while you were under their roof! That would not have been the time to tell me I'd been traded in for a younger model.'

'Pam's older, actually,' said Bob, automatically, cursing himself at once. 'Oh darlin', I'm sorry. Listen it's not like that. My world was upside-down at the time. I'm not making excuses, but it just happened.'

'What?' There was a hitch in Sarah's voice, the sound of a suppressed sob. 'You just fell in love with another woman, with the ink barely dry on our separation?'

'No!' he protested. 'Listen…'

'Shut up for a minute, Bob, please. Let me get my head round this a piece at a time.' She paused, and he could hear her fight to calm her breathing, to calm herself.

'That explains the phone call, anyway,' she said finally, in an even tone.

'What phone cal?'

'This afternoon. I had a cal from a guy in Scotland. He said his name was Salmon. He said that he was researching for a series on your career, and that he needed medical background on some of your investigations. He asked if he could come to Buffalo to visit me.

'I thought it was a little odd, but I said okay, if he was prepared to pay the air fare, then I was prepared to see him next Tuesday. I take it that…'

'Yes,' muttered Bob, grimly. 'He's the shit who broke the story.'

'And he expects still to be alive next Tuesday,' Sarah responded, with a faint hint of mockery.

'Andy was going to lock him up. The trouble was he hadn't broken any laws. Pam may be able to sue him, but that's it.'

'Pam may be able…! What, you mean she isn't a man-grabbing little opportunist?' Her voice rose once more.

'No,' said her husband quietly. 'She isn't.'

'Okay,' said Sarah, more calmly. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have got down to that level. What does this man Salmon want?'

'Some photos of the wronged wife and baby, I guess. Plus confirmation from you that I'm a shit and that you can't wait to divorce me.'

'None of that sounds too tough,' said Sarah.

'So you'll see him?'

There was another snort, with a laugh in it this time. 'Like hell I wil! Do you think for one moment that I'd involve myself, or my baby, with a rag like that? I've seen the US Spotlight, and I can think of half-a-dozen congressmen who've trying to have it banned. If you can get word to this guy, let him know that if he sets foot on my dad's doorstep, he'l have him arrested. And in this city, my dad could probably do that!'

'I'l have Royston pass that message on,' said Bob.

'Sarah,' he went on, strangely hesitant. 'I have to ask you this. Do you intend to divorce me?'

He heard her gasp slightly. She was silent for several expensive transatlantic seconds, until final y she responded, very quietly. 'Do you want me to?'

'I've no right to expect otherwise.'

'But is it what you want?'

This time it was Bob's turn to fall silent. 'No,' he said, at last.

'Ask me now and the answer's no.'

'Do you and Pamela love each other? Like does she want to have your babies?'

Another pause. 'No. I don't think we do. I don't think she does.

We've avoided discussing anything so heavy.'

'Then get yourselves sorted out. I'l give you three months. If, after that, you're no longer involved with this woman, and you tell me that you love me and want me back, I'l decide how I feel. If you can't make me believe all that, I'll know it's over.'

'Don't we have to say those things to each other?' he asked.

She chuckled, and in his mind's eye he could see her shake her head. 'Not from where I'm standing, we don't.'