Frank Zafiro: The Bastard Mummy

Finch raised his eyebrows and gave a short nod.

Moore remained silent for several seconds. Then he said, “She was probably drunk. She thought it was two but it was really twelve.” He considered that for a moment, then nodded his head. “That must be it.”

“No,” Finch said. “She may have been drunk, but she’s sure it was two. Tony, do you know what that means?”

Moore didn’t answer.

“Near as we can tell,” Finch continued, “the mummy was taken about one in the morning. And since you know the codes and since you didn’t get home until two-”

“And since you lied,” Elias added.

“-that makes you a prime suspect,” Finch finished.

Moore stared at his hands. Finch and Elias remained quiet, giving him a few moments to stew. Finch noticed that Moore’s hands were trembling.

“Can you guys keep a secret?” Moore finally asked.

“It depends on the secret,” Finch told him.

“It’s got nothing to do with this museum or any of this that you’re investigating.”

Finch gave a half-shrug. “Then probably we can.”

Moore sighed. “The reason I wasn’t home until two is the same reason I lied to you guys about it. I was with someone.”

“Someone?” Finch asked.

“My girlfriend. Tina.”

Elias groaned.

Finch leaned forward and caught Moore’s eye. “You spent last night with your girlfriend?”

“Yeah. Well, till two.”

“And then you went home?”

“Right.”

“And this girl Tina will back that up?”

“She should,” Moore said. “At least, as long as she doesn’t think it’ll get me in trouble.”

“Why’d you lie about this?”

Moore turned his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t want you to tell my wife. She’s about to divorce me anyway. This would put things over the top.”

Finch didn’t even consider exploring the relationship dynamics any further. If it were a rape or a homicide, they might be key components, but he didn’t sense the whys of the situation mattered much. “Is that why you got bounced on your oral boards when you applied to the police department?”

Moore nodded glumly. “Like you guys don’t fool around.”

Finch ignored that and handed Moore his notepad and a pen. “Write down her number.”

Finch dropped the phone onto the cradle and frowned. “She backs his story, one hundred percent.”

“Which puts him neck and neck with the professor for last in line.”

“Can we stop with the horse-racing metaphors?”

“Would you prefer chariots? Since we’re dealing with a mummy and all that.”

Finch ignored the question by asking one of his own. “The janitor?”

“Yep.”

“I knew you guys’d be back,” Michael Booth told them, putting down his magazine.

“Why’s that?” Elias asked.

Booth smiled humorlessly. “Cops always come back.”

“Profound,” Elias muttered.

Finch pulled a plastic chair from the corner of the room. He sat near Booth and regarded him quietly for a moment. Booth stared back at him, unfazed. Finch continued to stare.

After about a minute, Booth shrugged at him. “What?”

“You are the only person in this investigation with a criminal record,” Finch said.

“So what? That doesn’t make me the only criminal.”

“What’s that mean?” Elias asked.

Booth glanced up at him. “What, I spoke Portuguese?”

Elias’s face flushed and his jaw clenched.

“What are you driving at when you say that?” Finch asked.

“Simple,” Booth replied. “Someone else took the mummy, right? And that guy’s a criminal.”

“What if that guy was you?” Finch asked him.

“It wasn’t.”

“But what if it was?”

Booth shrugged. “What if daisies were dollars?”

That one surprised both detectives and they gave him questioning looks.

Booth smiled broadly. “Well, if that were so, I’d have a million dollar field growing right in my front yard.”

“You think this is funny?” Elias asked.

“No,” Booth said. “But I know I didn’t do it. And my answer will be the same no matter how many times you ask.”

Finch tried a different tactic. “If you didn’t do it, then you wouldn’t mind taking a lie detector test, right?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t believe in them,” Booth said.

“Ah,” said Elias, giving Finch a wink. “A skeptic.”

“They’re not admissible in court, anyhow,” Booth went on.

“A skeptic and a legal scholar,” Elias observed. “When did you get your law degree, Grisham?”

“I spent some time in the law library when I did my stretch. Keeps me from getting jerked around by cops.”

“We’re not jerking you around,” Finch told him. “We’re trying to find the mummy.”

“I didn’t take it.”

“So take the polygraph.”

“Like I said, I don’t believe in them.”

Finch shrugged. “It doesn’t matter if you believe in them. We do.”

“That’s your problem.”

“Look, if you take the polygraph and pass, we believe you. If you take it and fail, it’s not admissible in court. How can you lose? Take the test and clear your name.”

Booth shook his head. “No.”

“You know,” Elias said conversationally, “if the museum thinks you had anything to do with this, they’ll fire you.”

“So? It’s a janitor job. And it’s contract work, anyway.”

“So maybe they’ll dump the contract.”

“Let ’em.”

Finch rubbed his chin and sighed. “You know, if I owned a janitorial service and some employee caused me to lose a contract, I’d fire him.”

“And blackball him so he’d never get work in town again,” Elias added.

Booth’s smile returned. “You’re breakin’ my heart, guys. I’ll never work in this town as a janitor again? Boo-hoo. I’ll work construction. Better money, anyway.”

All three men fell quiet for a moment. Booth watched both men, his face a mask of calm bravado.

Finch broke the silence. “Are you still on probation, Mike?”

Booth shook his head in disgust. “I wondered how long it would take you to get around to that. No way is my probation officer going to violate me because I won’t take a lie detector test.”

“Probably not,” Finch said. “But no one is perfect. Everyone screws up, especially when they’re bound by all sorts of rules.”

“Like a guy on probation,” Elias said.

“Sooner or later, a guy is going to screw up. Might be something small, but still a screw-up. And if anyone is watching that guy when he screws up…” Finch shrugged nonchalantly.

“He gets hammered,” Elias finished.

“So, should I give your P.O. a call?” Finch asked.

Booth’s gaze went back and forth between the two detectives. Then he sighed. “Why are you guys hassling me? I didn’t take the mummy. I don’t know anything about it.”

“You’re hiding something,” Finch said. “That’s why.”

Booth stared at him for a long while. Finally, he asked, “Look, if I tell you the truth, can I get a pass on some misdemeanor crap?”

Finch and Elias exchanged a glance. Elias gave Finch a short nod.

“Probably,” Finch told Booth. “Depending on what it is.”

“It’s got nothing to do with this mummy or anything like that,” Booth said.

“Then what?”

Booth sighed. “Follow me.”

He led the detectives out of the utility room and down the hallway. Elias leaned close to Finch’s ear. “Be careful he doesn’t turn and rush us,” he whispered.

Finch nodded. “At least if he does, we’ll have a better story than last time.”

Elias winced and grinned at the same time.