Chris Grabenstein - Mad Mouse

Those medals Ceepak got in the army? A couple were for marksmanship.

The Ring Toss,” the arcade guy mumbles.

“Excuse me?” Ceepak puts down his air gun.

“T. J. He works mornings up at the Ring Toss.”

“I know where it is,” I say.

This superskinny guy in chocolate chip desert camo shorts, a matching T-shirt, and what they call a boony hat steps out of the crowd.

“Wanna shoot again?” he says to Ceepak.

“No, thank you.”

“You army?”

“No, sir.”

“But you used to be, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Figures.”

When I say this guy's skinny, I mean he's a six-six skeleton, like somebody who just crawled out of a tomb.

“Army asshole.”

“Sir,” Ceepak says, “I need to leave. Perhaps you should consider doing the same.”

“Perhaps you should consider kissing my ass,” he says and grins. His teeth are bony too, like he doesn't have any gums. “You army creeps make me sick!”

Ceepak points at the guy's camo getup.

“You served?”

“No.” The smile slams shut. He fidgets with that hat. “They wouldn't take me. But I could take you, man. I could take you down.”

I start to feel sorry for him. Under that boony hat, I figure he's got a few loose lug nuts.

Now he jabs a bony finger at me.

“I could take you down, too, punk.”

I want to smack the guy's hand, get that gnarly finger out of my face.

“Danny?” says Ceepak, poker-faced. “We need to move along.”

“Right.”

We walk away.

“We need to maintain focus on our mission.”

“Yes, sir. The Ring Toss is just another block up.”

We reach W-A-V-Y's live boardwalk broadcast booth. Music thumps out of humongous outdoor speakers. When the song fades, the deejay yammers.

“Hey, this is Skeeter-burning up the Jersey Shore on W-A-V-Y. I'm joined by a very special guest …”

Springsteen? Southside Johnny? Bon Jovi?

“Sea Haven's own-Mayor Hugh Sinclair.”

Oh. Him.

“Great to be here, Cliff.”

Cliff Skeete and I went to high school together. We even tried to run this party-music deejay business for a couple of months. It didn't pan out. There was this incident at a wedding. All I can say in my defense is that I was very hungry and the cake had excellent frosting.

Cliff catches my eye and gives me a wave. They wave a lot at W-A-V-Y, the “Crazy Wave of Sound for Sea Haven and the Jersey Shore,” as they say between songs. Constantly.

“I hope everyone's having a sunny, funderful day,” says Mayor Sinclair. He says that all the time. It's the town's official slogan even though it's stupid. “Skeeter, I want to personally invite you and all your listeners to the World's Biggest Beach Party and Boogaloo BBQ!”

I think this newly dreamed-up Labor Day deal is supposed to be some kind of mass hypnosis designed to make us all forget what happened at the Tilt-A-Whirl back in July. I know it won't work on me, but I'm always up for a good party. This one should be awesome. Big-name bands. Cheap, greasy food. Girls in teeny bikinis. I think they're having a “Best Tan” contest. Maybe they'll need an extra judge. Maybe Skeeter will put in a good word for me.

Up ahead, I see “The Lord of the Rings Toss.” Of course it's not in any way officially tied to the movie. Somebody just ripped off the poster art and used it for their plywood signs. They've even painted in some characters who sort of look like Gandalf and the Elf guy with the arrows.

A kid, probably fifteen or sixteen, works inside the game shed. He's the one who pulls plastic rings off these two-liter soda bottles filled with black water. The rings are gold, just like Frodo's, only Frodo's wasn't spray-painted.

The kid has bleach-blond dreadlocks pulled back by a wide white headband that makes the dreads stick up like a feathered headdress. He's bare-chested and wears droopy shorts that show off the elastic waistband on his underpants. He has about two dozen rubber rings stacked up to his elbow on his left arm. The right forearm is wide open, showing off a swirling tattoo. I think it's some kind of sea creature wrestling with a mermaid.

The barker, the Ring Toss boss, sits out front, trying to draw a crowd. He has on one of those Madonna microphone headsets so everybody can hear how bored he is.

“Win a bunny for your honey,” he drones. “Win a Tweetie for your sweety. Take home a SpongeBob for your heartthrob.”

He doesn't seem any too thrilled by his own pitch or prizes.

“You know, Danny,” Ceepak whispers, “many of these carnival games are inherently dishonest.”

Since Ceepak will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do, I can tell he considers Mr. Ring Toss Boss a potential Code Violator. To me, though, it's a borderline case, since Ring Toss is, technically, what they call an “amusement.” You pay your money, you take your chances.

“That must be T. J.” I nod toward the bottle boy.

“Roger that.”

Ceepak steps up to counter.

“Six rings for a dollar, sir,” the barker mumbles. “Score two, you're an Elf, win any prize on the bottom shelf.” He points. The bottom shelf is filled with brightly colored crap. Key chains and plastic flashlights and whistles. Crap.

“How much for the plush pig?” Ceepak points to a stuffed hog on the top shelf. He lays into the word “pig” so T. J. is sure to hear it. “The pig in the Harley Davidson outfit?”

“The Harley Hog?”

“Yes, sir.”

“That's top-shelf merchandise. That'll cost you six rings.”

“Six rings on six bottles?”

“Ring six, win any prize you picks.”

Ceepak nods. He understands the rules. “I'll take six rings.”

“You need to ring six bottles to win big, need six to take home the pig.”

“Maybe you should buy more rings,” I suggest.

Ceepak smiles.

“I've studied the game.”

“Really? You can study Ring Toss?”

“You can study anything, Danny, and you'll always learn something.”

Duly noted. He lays a dollar on the counter.

“T. J.? Fix him up,” the barker says to blondie.

The kid counts out six rings.

Ceepak studies T. J.'s hands.

“I see you used thin skins. Did they warm in your pockets prior to loading?”

The kid looks at Ceepak.

“Here's your rings,” is all he says. Then he sort of shuffles to one side. I catch him checking out his hands before he buries them deep inside the pockets of his droopy shorts.

“What's a thin skin?” I ask Ceepak.

“Inexpensive paintball. They have a tendency to burst prior to loading.”

“Win a bunny for your honey!” The barker is back at it. He's lost interest in us. The next sucker with a couple of bucks to toss his way is all that counts.

Ceepak squats under the counter, puts himself level with the bottle tops.

“I've done some preliminary research, and my findings suggest that children win this particular game more often than adults.”

We're drawing another crowd.

“Children, you see, operate closer to bottle level. Therefore, their release point is better, their throwing arc relatively low.”

Ceepak flings his first rubber ring. It wobbles around a bottle neck and slides down.

“If I use a topspin release …”

He flicks another. It rings a bottle.

“… coupled with a sidearm throwing style …”

Dink! Another one.

“… much like that utilized when flinging a Frisbee …”

Dink. Dink. Five in a row.

“… I significantly increase my chances of victory.”

Dink. Six for six. We have a winner. The small crowd goes wild. They applaud and whistle and laugh. Ceepak stands up, and everybody else pushes forward. They all want to play now that he has showed them how to win.