Quintin Jardine - Pray for the Dying

‘But not Jersey, I take it.’

‘No; there’ll be nothing there by the time you get there. Whatever fortune your father’s left isn’t for you, it’s for the people he swindled, even if some of them will be dead themselves by now.’ He gazed at her. ‘This is what’s happened,’ he said. ‘Lowell and I arrived to arrest him, following my discovery of some papers in Toni’s safe. Sadly, we were too late. You were never here. When Rudolf gets back and asks, “Where’s Marina?” I will say, “Marina who?” That’s the outcome. We get Papa, you get lost. We will be fucking heroes, Lowell and me, in Australia most of all. As for you, you will be alive.’

She looked at him, still doubting, until he nodded, to reassure her.

‘You’re a resourceful lady. You’ll get by for a couple of years, and after that you can probably go back to Mauritius and become yourself again, because nobody will be looking for you. But don’t ever show up here again, for I will know about it. You’re getting away with murder, because that’s what suits everybody best. But don’t you ever forget it.’

‘Why did you decide to quit as leader? Were there knives out for you because of the Joey incident?’

Aileen snorted across the lunch table in a restaurant next to Edinburgh Castle. They had gone there after finalising their divorce, in the Court of Session, further down the Royal Mile.

‘They wouldn’t have been nearly sharp enough. No, to be frank I resigned because we are going to get absolutely slaughtered at the next Holyrood election and I don’t want that on my CV. That twerp Felix Brahms will inherit it, now that I’ve endorsed him.’

‘Foresighted as ever,’ Bob chuckled.

‘Of course, and there’s this. I won’t be a candidate in Scotland next time. One of our guys in a safe seat on Tyneside is about to retire early on health grounds. I’ve called in some favours; it’s mine.’

‘The divorce won’t be a problem for you, will it?’

‘I don’t see it. We’ve settled on unreasonable behaviour as the grounds, not adultery. As for the Daily News pictures, they’re old, cold news by now. Besides, it’s a safe seat, like I said. The Lib Dems don’t count there and as for the Tories, they’re really too nice to use those sort of tactics.’

‘Will Joey put in an appearance for you?’

‘As if I’d ask him. Look, Joey and me, it’s a thing from way back. I suppose I can confess now, there were other times while we were married, not just that one. Sorry if it dents your male ego, but there were.’

‘I know,’ he admitted. ‘Toni Field had a file on you. It’s long since gone into the shredder. Mind you, she did hint that there was somebody else, apart from Joey.’

Aileen’s eyes widened. ‘She did what? Any name mentioned?’

‘No, and I’m sure I don’t want to know.’

‘Oh but you do. Who knows? It might come in useful to you one day. The US government ran a big hospitality shindig a couple of years back in the Turnberry Hotel. All the party leaders were there, and the champagne was fairly flowing. As usual, I had a wee bit too much, and God knows how it happened, but I woke up next morning with Clive Graham. So there you are. My deep dark secret, and Clive’s, except. . somewhere there may be CCTV footage of the two of us going into his room, and probably of me leaving. Find it and it could buy you a lot of influence.’

He sighed. ‘My predecessor did that sort of thing, and it got her fucking killed.’

‘What? She tried to blackmail Colombian drug lords?’

‘Not quite. That was the official version. The true story’s a lot different, but I’m not sharing, as the spooks say.’

She shrugged. ‘Be like that. Here,’ she went on, ‘the way you said “My predecessor” there, it sounded as if you’ve made a decision.’

‘I have. I’ve decided that I can’t go back to Edinburgh. Mario and Maggie are getting on fine without me. They don’t need me any more; if I went back I’d be a spare wheel. So my application for Strathclyde, permanently, is in the hat with the rest.’

‘And you will get it, especially after all those headlines you got when you found that Australian fraudster.’

Bob laughed. ‘You ain’t kidding. The day I moved into Pitt Street, I inherited an invitation to address an Australian Police Federation conference. Since then I’ve had twenty-two more, from other organisations down under. Yes, I know I’ll probably be confirmed in post. If not, I’ll do something else. I might even retire and buy a boat.’

‘And sail away, with Sarah and the kids?’

‘They’re all too young, and she’s not ready.’

‘It’s cool, though? You and her?’

‘Honestly? It is, for the first time really. We’ve discovered that being nice to each other, all the time, is all it takes.’

‘Maybe I’ll try that, next time.’

‘Some chance of that,’ he scoffed. ‘You’re a politician. By the way,’ he added, ‘the Turnberry tape did exist, kept carelessly by Toni in a plain envelope that I found deep in the desk that is currently mine. It does not exist any longer.’

‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘To be honest, I was really worried about that, and not for Mrs Graham’s sake.’

‘It’s nothing to be concerned about any more,’ he replied, ‘but this is.’ He took an envelope from a slim document case that he had brought with him.

She took it from him and her face paled, as she studied its contents: two photographs of her, with two other women, in a ladies’ toilet.

‘What are. . Bob, I think I know when those were taken, but. .’

‘You have to give up the booze, Aileen,’ he said. ‘You must. I didn’t realise you had a problem, maybe because whenever we had a drink at home, you went straight to sleep, or else you got amorous and I put it down to my fatal attraction. But that’s twice you’ve courted potential disaster, not counting the Morocco fiasco.’

‘How did you get these?’

He smiled. ‘The strangest thing happened a few weeks back. Amanda Dennis called all her Scottish team down to London for a two-day performance review. While they were gone, somebody broke into their office, and opened the safe. I don’t think they even know it happened, not yet. All that was taken were those photos, and the master tape. It’s in there too. Somehow they found their way into my possession.’

She gazed at him. ‘You know, I could fall in love with you.’

‘Nah, you didn’t before, so how could you now?’

She laughed. ‘Okay. Then how about a farewell shag? We could get a room.’

He shook his head. ‘I’m sworn to be faithful. You should try it too. Besides, someone would be bound to photograph us. For example. .’

He took another, larger envelope from the document case. ‘These are my parting gifts to you, Aileen, and my greatest. Where you’re going to be after your by-election, these will represent your ticket straight to the front bench, and a fast track to the shadow Cabinet. In this package you will see Toni Field doing what she did best. You’ll also recognise the bloke she’s doing it to, and I think you will find that you know his wife too. The stupid bloody woman actually believed I wouldn’t make copies! That same lady had you set up by those two scrubbers, who are, incidentally, no longer Security Service staff, and tried to use your moment of weakness to club me into submission and silence.’

He lifted his glass and drank a toast, to her, to them, to their past, and to their separate futures.

‘Use them wisely, choose your moment, and when you do, make certain sure that the damage to Emily Repton is terminal. “Provincial copper” indeed. Doesn’t she bloody know that we’re a nation?’