Quintin Jardine: Stay of Execution

McGurk fetched two bottles of Becks and two of Highland Spring and handed them round, then took his seat. ‘So,’ Skinner began at last, ‘let me do some guessing. My outburst this morning has got a result. Number Ten’s stopped pussying about and horned in on the visit.’

‘Got it in one,’ Gainer replied. ‘I had a call from the man himself less than an hour ago, asking, very humbly, you understand, and appreciative of the great honour it would be, you understand, if the Holy Father would be prepared to allow him to attend the public events on the visit.’

Skinner smiled, not least at the accuracy of the Archbishop’s mimicry. ‘What did you tell him?’

‘I told him that he was a bit late in getting off the mark, and that technically it was an informal visit, but after that I said that His Holiness would welcome his presence. I told him that he’d even hear his confession if he wanted. That drew an uncertain laugh, I should tell you.’

‘I’ll bet it did. I’d like to hear that confession myself.’

‘Sure, with two tape-recorders running.’

‘I doubt if I’d hear much more than I usually do in those circumstances. I’d be better off bugging your box.’

‘My dark side might let you,’ Gainer muttered. He looked at Rossi, then winked. ‘You didn’t hear that, Gio.’

‘I hear nothing, Your Grace,’ the logistics man replied. ‘And everything,’ he added, with a grin.

‘Have you broken the news to Tommy Murtagh, Jim?’ Skinner asked.

‘I didn’t have to. He’d already been, ahem, consulted by the time I spoke to him.’

‘How did he sound?’

‘Enthusiastically and loyally underwhelmed would just about describe it.’

The DCC’s smile was his broadest of the day. ‘His loss is our fledgling nation’s gain.’ He sipped his mineral water. ‘What do you need?’ he asked Rossi.

‘I’d like to meet with his people,’ the Italian answered.

‘You will,’ Skinner promised. ‘Someone will come up within a couple of days to do a recce; when that happens we’ll do final visits to each venue.’

‘Can we go firm on a date for that?’

‘I guess so. This is Wednesday, so let’s try for Friday.’ He glanced at his assistant. ‘Jack, will you set that up please? Contact the PM’s protection officers and tell them what we want. They’ll go along with it.’

‘Even at such short notice?’ Rossi sounded doubtful.

‘Their boss is late to the table,’ the Scot growled. ‘They’ll take what’s put in front of them.’ He looked at the Archbishop. ‘Is anyone going to be chucked off the platform at any of the events because of this?’

‘How many extra bodies are we talking about? I’m assuming it won’t just be him and her who turn up.’

‘You assume correctly,’ said Skinner, ‘but I can keep it to a minimum. There’ll be his private secretary; she has to go everywhere. Then there’ll be his official mouthpiece; they’re joined at the hip. It’ll be par for the course if the Cabinet Secretary tries to elbow his way in, but I’ll tell him he’s not on.’

‘In that case I’ll only have a problem at the main public rally and mass at Murrayfield Stadium. The stage we’re setting up there has as many seats on it as we can fit in. Much of the rest of the programme has His Holiness on the move.’

‘I’ve noticed. Is he up to that? He’s not a young man.’

‘He thinks he is: he calls sixty-nine “middle-aged”. Don’t you worry about him, he had a medical a couple of months ago and they declared him good for another fifteen years.’ Jim Gainer laughed. ‘That would disappoint a few of the younger cardinals if they knew about it. He feels that not only could he kick off the Hibs-Celtic game on Saturday week, if he’d been able to stay for it, he could play in it.

‘Nothing’s all that strenuous anyway. He arrives next Thursday afternoon at Edinburgh airport; he’ll be welcomed formally by the Lord Provost, who’ll introduce the rest of the official party. Nobody sits down there so the PM and his wife can just get in line with the rest.’

‘Before or after the First Mini-car?’ the DCC asked.

‘What do you think? What’s the protocol?’

‘I don’t think there’s any established. Personally, I think they go after, and sod ’em if they can’t take a joke, but we’d best ask them.’

‘Elegantly put, sir. I share your inclination, but I’ll have di Matteo or Angelo Collins consult the First Minister’s office about precedence at that and all the other events. I’m assuming that they’ll want him to go everywhere.’

‘That’s a cert, Your Grace. This is the biggest photo opportunity of all time for these guys, and there’s always an election around the corner. The only one they might duck out of is the council reception at the City Chambers, once he’s driven into town from the airport. That’s private, and the Lord Provost does not like Mr Tommy Murtagh. On the other hand, once he hears that the PM’s coming he might invite him specially, just to annoy the wee man. If that happens he’ll go there too. Are you still happy with the time they’re spending there?’

‘If we can get him out of there on time, it won’t be a problem. If we can’t. . and he’ll be meeting a lot of people he hasn’t seen since his elevation. . well, if the cathedral mass is a bit late in starting it won’t be the end of the world. The congregation won’t walk out on him. We don’t have any political problems there, or at the Royal Infirmary visit on Friday. I know that he wants Lord Provost Maxwell and his wife there, though. He married them, you know, and he gave the Provost his first communion wafer, too, thirty-five years ago. No, the only problem I have is at Murrayfield.’ He opened his briefcase and took out a copy of the document Skinner had prepared for that morning’s meeting, and flicked through it until he found the page he sought. ‘Looking at the platform party. .’ He paused. ‘Too bad the deputy justice minister admitted to being an atheist,’ he said. ‘It’s cost her and her partner their seats on the stage.’ He took out a pen and scored through their names, then added two more at the top of the page.

‘Can I ask a question, sir?’

The DCC glanced up at his assistant, involuntarily irritated. ‘What do you want to know?’

‘What exactly is planned for Murrayfield, sir?’

‘A celebration, Sergeant,’ replied the Archbishop. ‘The city of Edinburgh is staging a rally to celebrate the election of Pope John the Twenty-fifth. It’s being held in Murrayfield Stadium because it’s the biggest venue we have; we won’t fill it, but forty thousand tickets have been allocated. All of them will go to Scottish secondary-school students, but not to Roman Catholic kids alone. His Holiness is insistent that this should be an interdenominational event. The entertainment will be a selection of the Pope’s favourites; the programme was announced six weeks ago. We’ll have music by a school choir, Scottish dancing, pipes and drums, a marching band from Belgium. . I’m not entirely sure why, but he asked for them specially. . operatic arias performed by Donald O’Brien, the tenor, and a couple of songs by that lad who won a television competition a couple of years ago. It’s all very homely and, if you like, parochial, but it’s his style. It’ll conclude with mass being said, and a sermon by His Holiness.’

‘And afterwards he goes straight to the airport?’

‘That’s right,’ said the Archbishop. ‘He has to be back in Rome that evening. It’s a pity for he’d have liked to stay on for the Hibs-Celtic game on Saturday. Father Gibb’s had a seat in the stand at Easter Road for years, even if it’s me who uses it now.’