Jill Shalvis - The Detective’s Undoing

She didn’t want his company.

He followed, anyway.

Delia didn’t know where she was headed, only that she had to go. Her vision wavered with each step she took, and her throat and chest burned so badly she could scarcely breathe.

But soon walking didn’t satisfy her. It wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t taking her far enough, so she burst into a run and let loose through the woods as fast as she could go.

When she was beyond exhaustion, she stopped, sagging against a tree. Over the blood roaring in her ears, she could hear the river.

Staggering, she turned toward it and found herself on a high bank, staring down at the river as it rushed past rocks and sand. She stood there all alone with her misery, with God’s glory spread out before her.

How had things fallen apart so, when only days ago she’d felt as though she had the world in her palm?

She wasn’t heir.

She wasn’t going to get Jacob.

Her heritage was one of greed and selfishness.

And the only man she might have ever been able to love didn’t, or couldn’t, love her back.

That last thought pretty much burst the fragile dam she’d been clinging to. With the tears finally overflowing, she sank to her knees on the frozen bank of the river and dropped her head into her hands.

Cade found her like that, kneeling away from him, sobbing her heart out in tune with the river. It was heart-wrenching, made all the more so because he knew she felt as if she had no choice but to hide to cry.

She truly believed she was completely alone in this.

“Delia.”

She jerked, the only sign she’d heard him, and went utterly still. Her shoulders stiffened with the weight she carried, and in that moment he would have done anything to ease her burden.

How to make this better?

There was a gap between them, a gap he’d put there. What would happen if he breached it just this once?

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t move, just remained terribly silent.

“I know it didn’t work out the way you wanted, but it can still-”

“Go away.” She said this quite clearly, though her voice broke slightly on the last syllable. “Just leave me alone.”

“Delia.” Was he supposed to be able to do that? “You’re crying, let me-”

“I’m not crying,” she said fiercely, taking care to keep her back to him. Her long golden hair fell forward, exposing her sweet neck, making her look young, too young for all she’d been through, and so sad his heart ached. “I told you, I’m fine.”

She was shaking with the effort to hold back the storm of tears he’d interrupted, he could see that now. And something within him trembled, too. “Delia, please.” He sank to his knees behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, moving slowly, afraid to spook her; she felt as fragile as priceless china. He slid his hands down her arms to her hands and linked their fingers. He wanted to turn her around and hug her tight, but she had to do this, had to make the decision to let herself go in front of him. Gently he tugged at her resisting form, pulling her back against his chest. “Let me in. Come on, sweetheart, let me in.”

“No.” She held back, until their bodies touched, until he crossed their joined hands in front of her, hugging her tightly to him, bending over her shoulder to press his cheek to hers.

“No,” she said again, less firmly and with far more tension in her husky voice.

“Yes,” he whispered, rubbing his jaw on hers. “You’re not alone in this. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere.”

“But for how long?” She struggled again. “Until your past haunts you again and you take off?”

No one knew better than he that truth hurts far more than lies. He closed his eyes, feeling the pain his actions had caused. “Never mind,” she choked out, trying to free herself. “Just never mind. Go away, Cade.”

As if he could. Holding her close, he put his mouth to her ear. “I can’t…I’m not going anywhere.”

“You will. You won’t be able to help yourself.”

“That’s not why you were crying.”

“I’m nothing more than a huge mistake.” She tried to turn away from him, but he held on to her.

“Delia…no, not a mistake.”

“Go away, Cade.”

She needed tough love, he decided, and he was frustrated enough to give it to her. “So you’re not Ethan’s daughter, all the better since he was a jerk, anyway. Now you know for certain you don’t share his blood.”

That really stiffened her spine. “And I know for certain I’m not the heir.”

“So you’re not the heir. Don’t you see? It doesn’t matter. Maddie is the only one left, and she’s always said if she turned out to be the one, she’d put Triple M in all three of your names.”

Still angry and humiliated, Delia wouldn’t look at him, but he could tell she was soaking up his words with a quivering intensity that broke his heart. He went on, “And yes, Scott is a sneaky jerk. And he might try to cause trouble, but he has his own weaknesses, and that gives us some leverage. The judge can’t ignore what we’ve told him. He can’t overlook it.” As Cade spoke, he stroked her back, trying to break through the wall she’d erected between them. “Are you listening, Delia? Do you understand? Scott can’t hurt you.”

“I understand, but really, I’m fine.”

He swore, one particular vulgar oath that wasn’t enough to express his frustration. “Don’t lie, not to me. You’re not fine. You’re just too damn stubborn to admit it.”

“My mother was stubborn,” she said dully.

“How can you compare yourself to a woman who never deserved to have such a wonderful compassionate sensitive daughter?”

“It’s true.”

“You’re going to make me really mad, Delia.”

Her reaction surprised him. She let out a laugh. Then with a soft sob, she twisted in his arms and buried her face in his neck, plastering that long willowy body he’d been dreaming about to his.

Because she’d startled him, they fell to the frozen ground, and he stretched out, grabbing her and hugging her close. “Let it go,” he whispered, gently stroking her wildly trembling body. It was cold, they needed to get up, but she was going to shatter if she didn’t let it go. “Come on, baby.”

“I…can’t.”

“I’m right here, you’re not alone.”

“No, I…”

In spite of herself she burst into tears. Feeling helpless, he pulled her closer, murmuring wordlessly in her ear as she let go with a hard reluctance. She cried with such pent-up passion that he knew she’d stored this all up inside for far too long.

She wasn’t a graceful crier, but messy and noisy, which was so inexplicably endearing he could hardly breathe. Finally she quieted, but still kept her face buried against him.

“All I’ve ever wanted is to help you, Delia. I…I have money. I’ve wanted to offer it to you several times, but I knew you’d never accept-”

“No,” she said flatly, and lifted her head. “No.”

“You know I was an attorney, before my wife and son… Before.” He tucked a strand of wayward hair behind her ear. “I have a lot of money, more than I know what to do with. You can use it to-”

“No.” She pushed away from him and lay flat on her back, looking up into the stark sky. “I won’t be a user, like my parents were.”

“It’s not the same-”

“If I’m going to be their daughter, and it appears I have no choice, I sure won’t be like them. It’s enough that I have to live with the knowledge that all my life I’ve wanted nothing more than security. Maybe I didn’t mean money, exactly, but it equaled the same thing, which makes me no better than they were.”