Jill Shalvis - The Detective’s Undoing

Afterward, Maddie coaxed Jacob into the house with the promise of chocolate-chip cookies, and he didn’t hesitate.

Which left Cade and Delia alone, still on their horses, in front of the house.

“Scott wants him,” Delia repeated dully, staring off into space.

Cade knew it wasn’t all that uncommon for social workers to take in one or more foster kids themselves. He had a friend who ran the child-welfare service in Arizona, and she took in kids all the time.

“Why didn’t he tell me?” Delia asked.

“I don’t know, but it makes me wonder,” Cade said.

“Which brings me to something else I’ve been wondering about.” She turned and looked right at him. “Why did you come back?”

He sighed, wishing they didn’t have to do this. He didn’t want to hurt her any more than she’d already been hurt. “You were right about your father. He wasn’t a cop. There’s no record of him on the force.”

“You could have told me that on the telephone,” Delia responded.

Because he was well aware of that fact, and annoyed and confused about it, he ignored her words. “Also, Ethan Constance used different names. I’ve tracked down at least five of them so far.”

“But not Eddie Kitze?”

“Not yet, but that doesn’t mean anything. I’ll find him, Delia.”

Her eyes were still on his, cool and steady. “You could have told me that over the phone, too.”

“And could I have helped you with Jacob over the phone?”

At her desolate expression, he swore, shoved a hand through his hair and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, but you’re driving me insane, you know that?”

“Exactly my point in asking why you came back.”

“I didn’t intend to. I went to New York, tracking down someone on another case, and every single woman I looked at, I…I saw you. You, dammit, and I’ve got to tell you, I didn’t like it.”

She had the nerve to look amused, if slightly unsettled.

“After New York I hit Florida, for what should have been a nice cozy little break. I was lying on the beach and listening to the surf, thinking life was pretty good. I’d just closed two big cases and was getting closer to tracking your father and solving Constance’s case. Should have been a real personal triumph for me, and all I could think about was the snow, these Idaho peaks, the Triple M…and you, dammit. You. Your cool smile and hot eyes. Your laugh. The way you make me want…” Want to live again.

The thought was beginning to haunt him.

Turning his horse away, he swore again and gazed into the distance, unable to come to terms with everything he was feeling.

“Want what?” she whispered.

“I doubt you really want to know.” He drew in a deep breath. “It’s fairly involved.”

“Oh, and I can’t handle ‘involved’?”

“Not this kind of involved.”

“Well, that’s interesting coming from a man who can’t stay in one spot long enough to grow roots.”

He looked at her. “Isn’t that like the pot calling the kettle black?”

“I have a home.”

“Yes, a home. But you won’t share feelings and emotions, not when they run deep enough to make you hurt.”

She stared at him, then slipped off Betsy and started to lead her toward the barn. At the last moment she turned back. “I owe you a thank-you. I’ll never forget how you helped me with Jacob. How you helped me gain access to his heart.”

“That was you, Delia, not me.”

“Maybe I could have done it without you, but it would have taken longer. You have a way with him, and I’m grateful.”

“I don’t want your gratitude.”

“I can see that. So go away, Cade. Go away and stay there this time.”

“You don’t know how much I want to do just that, but I can’t.” He dismounted, as well, and moved close to her, close enough to see her chest rise and fall with her uneven breathing, close enough to see the pain in her eyes, pain he’d put there. “You asked me about my past, and I didn’t answer you.”

She shrugged as if it didn’t matter, but he knew better. “I was married,” he said quietly, moderately satisfied to see her shock. “I had a son. They…both died.”

“Oh…oh, Cade.” Her eyes filled with sorrow.

“It was a long time ago,” he said quickly to smother her pity. “Eight years.”

“How?”

In her eyes was so much compassion and sympathy he nearly choked on it. “It was my fault.” He moistened suddenly dry lips, but there was nothing he could do about the lump in his throat. He never talked about this, never, but he would now. “I worked a lot, as an attorney. Lisa was always after me to take a vacation, but I was too busy becoming a somebody.” His mouth twisted bitterly. “God, I was so selfish back then it kills me even to think about it.” Wearily he rubbed his temples, and when he felt her hand on his back, offering a comfort he didn’t deserve, he went absolutely still.

Purposely he moved away from her hand and ignored the look of hurt on her face.

“What happened?” she asked.

“I finally agreed to get away. We went to Colorado, just the three of us, but I got called back to L.A. to testify on a case.”

“Did you go?”

“I remember how upset Lisa was at the call. She wanted me to spend more time with her and Tommy, and she reminded me I’d promised not to work. But I still left and…and I didn’t get back when I promised I would.”

“What happened?”

“She and Tommy went on a drive without me, hoping to explore a little bit. Her Jeep broke down out in the middle of nowhere, in a sudden winter storm. They froze to death.”

“Oh, God, Cade. I’m so sorry.” She lifted a clear far-too-compassionate gaze up to his. “But how is that your fault?”

How was that his fault? How could she even ask? “I wasn’t there,” he said, his self-fury nearly choking him. “And I should have been.”

“So you could have died, as well? Oh, Cade-”

“No. No, don’t say anything. Since then, I haven’t been able to…settle in one spot for long. I just…” He was horrified at how his voice cracked. “I just wanted you to know.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” she said vehemently. “You couldn’t have known what would happen.”

“It was my fault. Always will be. But that’s not why I told you.” He put his hands on her shoulders, let them slide up her throat to cup her face. “I told you because if things were different, if I could settle down, I’d want to do it right here, close to you, close to Jacob and your sisters, and be a part of your life.”

Delia’s voice was very soft, her eyes very bright. “I think I just might like that, Cade McKnight.”

“But I can’t, Delia. God, I just…can’t.”

“I know,” she whispered, and because he couldn’t handle all he saw in her eyes, he took the horses and walked away.

Cade left that afternoon. He had to. The emotional roller coaster his life had become was unbearable.

Only he didn’t count on it to be unbearable from wherever he was.

In his Boise office, he worked diligently at his computer. Mostly to keep his mind occupied, but also because something about Jacob’s revelation regarding Scott’s desire for custody seemed off.

Scott Felton was an exemplary social worker and he had the accolades to prove it. To his credit, he’d also taken kids into his own home before. He shared a house with his sister, also a social worker, and they were licensed to house kids. Many times over past few years, they’d taken in kids no one else could or would.

But that didn’t ease Cade’s instinctive feeling something wasn’t right.

Calling in several markers, Cade made some phone calls and put out feelers. It all could be on the up-and-up, but he sincerely doubted that.