Молли Харпер - Nice Girls Don't Date Dead Men

“Hello, Gabriel, it’s lovely to see you,” I parroted in an explicitly pleasant tone. “How was Nashville? Have we discussed the ‘Call first’ rule?”

“Can I come in?” he asked, hefting a foam cooler with his hip. A girl couldn’t help but appreciate the way those hips looked in black denim. I paused to give them the proper reverence.

I opened the door wider, then stopped him with a hand to the chest. “Wait. You have that

‘We have to talk’ look on your face, which usually means I’m going to be accused of something.”

“For once, no.” He advanced against my palm. I held him back. He pouted. “This is getting heavy.”

“You have superstrength,” I pointed out, grinning despite myself. “What’s in the cooler?”

“A present.” He opened the top and proudly displayed a dozen pint-sized plastic envelopes of blood packed in dry ice.

I cocked my head and studied him thoughtfully. “The next time you go shopping for me, take Andrea.”

He carried his burden into the kitchen, where he carefully stored his repellent treasures in the empty vegetable crisper.

“This is prime Red Cross-grade human donation,” he said. “Tested, screened, and cleared through a lab in the city.”

“That’s wonderful, but why did you bring it here?”

“Can’t I do something nice?” he asked, clearly offended.

I stared at him. “You might have started with a card and maybe worked your way up to human blood.”

“I worry about how you eat,” he said as he sifted through the pathetic contents of my fridge. “I want you to drink a pint of this every day.”

“I’ve told you that it makes me uncomfortable when you blur that daddy/boyfriend line, right?” I said. He held up half-empty bottles of Hershey’s syrup and Bailey’s Irish Cream.

“That’s just for flavor!”

“I’m afraid that you’re becoming too accustomed to drinking synthetic blood, Jane,” he said. “It’s only a recent development, and production could stop with the turn of the political tide. And then where will you be?”

“On eBay, looking for remainders?” I guessed.

“What if you’re too far away from a store to get a supply? What if the supply is tainted?

You need to become more comfortable drinking human blood, feeding from live subjects.”

He hushed me when I opened my mouth to protest. “I know how you feel about feeding from humans, but I want you to have the skills you need to survive. Just in case. I want you to be able to hunt on your own.”

“So, I’m like a domesticated bear, and you’re working up to releasing me into the wild?”

“Yes, that’s the worst possible way you could have taken this gesture, thank you,” he muttered, setting the cooler aside.

“Thank you,” I finally said. “I appreciate the fact that you thought of me while you were away.”

“Every spare moment,” he promised, moving in closer for a kiss.

I stopped him. “Are you sure I’m not accused of something? Feeding on senior citizens? Kicking toddlers? Stealing candy from babies?”

He was darkly cute when he was indignant. “It’s not a bad omen every time I come to call.”

“You’re right,” I conceded. “I’m being rude. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

In a very serious tone, he said, “I think we should have sex again.”

“What?” I giggled. I couldn’t help it. Gabriel and I hadn’t been able to “date” per se.

Dating a vampire is difficult, even if you are a vampire. I mean, it’s not as if we can go out to dinner like a normal couple. We don’t eat. On the rare occasion that we were both at one of our houses and sitting still, Zeb and Jolene or Andrea or Dick would show up, and our twosome became a group gathering. As much as I loved having a close group of diverse friends who understand my special needs, talk about a bunch of mood killers.

“I think we should have sex again,” he repeated. “I think we’ve reestablished our rapport and friendship. I believe you’re starting to trust me again. I know you want me.”

“That’s kind of presumptuous,” I told him. He wasn’t wrong, but it was still presumptuous.

Obviously irritated by my not jumping him right then and there, he added, “Also, the first time was rather rushed, and I don’t feel that I was able to demonstrate my full range of, er, technique.”

“So, you think we should have Naked Happy Fun Time because I didn’t get to see all of your moves?” I said, barely able to contain a second giggle fit as he backed me against the counter. “You don’t just say something like that. You have to take me out for dinner or something.”

“Here.” He reached into the fridge and pulled out a packet of A-negative. “Drink that.”

I arched an eyebrow at him. “You really don’t understand the concept of modern courtship, do you?”

“Drink it,” he commanded. Humoring him, I popped the top and took a long drink of the smooth, lusciously nutty donated blood. Tasting genuine human blood after months of synthetic always left me a little woozy. Little pinpricks of sensation, nerves firing along my arms and throat, made me lean heavily against the counter to get my bearings.

Gabriel took the packet from my slightly trembling hand. “Now, kiss me.”

“I’m not a light bulb, you can’t just flip a switch and turn me—” Gabriel gripped my cheeks between his palms and seized my lips, the last syllables of my sentence muffled into his mouth.

“I stand corrected,” I admitted as we backed into the living room.

“Is your aunt here?” he asked, tugging at my T-shirt.

I shook my head. “Hot ghost date.”

“I think—gah!” Distracted by the front closure on my bra, Gabriel had tripped over a footstool and knocked over a side table.

“It might be nice to have sex without breaking anything, what do you say?” I asked, peeking down at him over the edge of the table. Gabriel sat up, rubbing his forehead where my old hard-bound copy of Sense and Sensibility had conked him.

“Haven’t you already read this a few dozen times?” he asked, flipping through the pages.

“We’re going to have to have a literary intervention for you.”

“It’s Jane Austen, so I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear you say that,” I said, settling next to him and taking the book from his hands. “You can never read Jane Austen too many times. And this is one of my favorites. She manages to pull a believable happy ending out of what could have been her saddest story. She could have left the Dashwood sisters alone, having learned their lessons from their respective traits. Marianne could have been left alone and ruined by her dramatic, impetuous behavior. Elinor could have taken her quiet dignity to a maiden’s grave. But she gave them the men they wanted or, in Marianne’s case, needed. Austen let both of them have a little bit more than they deserved.”

“I love it when you talk about books,” he murmured against my neck. “It gets you all excited. Quick, tell me your theories about Jane Eyre and sexual repression again.”

My burst of laughter was silenced by the press of Gabriel’s mouth.

It’s amazing how much easier it is to be naked in front of another person when you have a little self-confidence. In order to attract prey, vampires are usually more attractive than they were in life. So I got the high-school bookworm’s Golden Ticket. My skin was clearer. My hair had changed to an actually desirable color found in the brunette spectrum and did what it was supposed to on occasion. My eyes, formerly an unremarkable muddy hazel, were now a clear and compelling hazel. My teeth were whiter. And my chest was in the locked and upright position forevermore. I never had to worry about sagging. If Mama would admit to my being a vampire, even she would have to concede that it seemed to agree with me.