Lucy Monroe - Willing

Pain radiated through Josie’s body. It seemed to be centered in her thigh, but it was hard to tell. It was all-consuming. The jeep went over a bump, and she groaned.

“It’s all right, sweetheart. You’re going to be okay. We’re taking you to a hospital.”

She opened her eyes to darkness, but eventually shapes distinguished themselves before her. The interior of the jeep, her dad’s head in the driver’s seat. Daniel’s face above hers. She couldn’t see his expression, but she could feel his concern. His arms were firm around her, but gentle, and his breath was more labored than her own.

“You okay?” she croaked, her mouth dry from the pain.

He tensed, as if he’d just realized she was awake. “That should be my line.”

“I hurt.”

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“Me, too. Screwed up the mission.” She grimaced as pain throbbed in her thigh. Definitely her thigh. “Didn’t expect the little guy to have a gun.”

“It’s hell what parents will do to their kids in the name of fanaticism.”

“We’ve seen it before.”

“Yeah.”

“So, I should have been prepared for it.”

“Don’t you be blaming yourself, Josie-girl.” Her dad’s voice was gravelly, as though he was having a hard time getting the words out.

“But the mission…”

“Screw the mission!”

“Hotwire stayed behind to finish gathering the evidence, and Wolf was watching over the prisoners. It’s all good.” Daniel brushed her cheek. “But you getting shot wasn’t. I’m sorry about that.”

Her heart contracted, and she wanted to cry. She could grit her teeth at the pain in her leg, but knowing that he was taking on another load of guilt because of her hurt in ways she couldn’t deal with. “It’s not your fault.”

“I let you come.”

“You’re not my commanding officer, and even if you were, I probably would have disobeyed orders. I make my own decisions. It’s one of the reasons I never went to formal military. I don’t like people telling me what to do.” It was hard to get the words out, but she had to make him understand. “You weren’t responsible for securing the office. That was my job. None of this is your fault.”

He didn’t say anything, but his hand caressed her face, and the sense of grim tension surrounding them did not abate.

“Please don’t let me become another burden, Daniel. I couldn’t stand it.”

“You are not a burden to me.” His words were low, intense. “I love you, Josette.”

She wanted to believe him so badly, but he hadn’t said anything when she’d whispered the words to him before, and now he was feeling guilty. Did he think he had to tell her he loved her to make up for her being shot?

“It’s not your fault,” she said again.

The jeep lurched to a screeching halt as her father cussed out a deer who’d run in the road. Josie’s leg got jolted despite Daniel’s attempt to prevent it from happening, and another wave of intense pain rushed over her. The darkness around her became absolute as she slipped back into unconsciousness.

Daniel held grimly to Josie’s body, cursing the deer, the pain that had sent her into another faint and his own lousy timing on admitting his love for her. She hadn’t believed him. He was sure of it. Rejection of his words had radiated off of her even though she hadn’t said anything. Just that it wasn’t his fault. It was obvious she thought he had told her he loved her because he felt guilty.

But that wasn’t why. It was because he’d finally figured out that the feelings she brought to life in him couldn’t have any other name. Not obsession, not desire, not even friendship. Those were all part of what he felt, but none of them were dominant.

What overwhelmed him with her was this absolute knowledge that life without her would be an abyss of solitude and pain.

She brought joy into his life. She made every day better. Spending time with her was the most exciting thing he’d ever done, bar none. He wanted to be a better man with her. He wanted to prove he could live without giving in to the demon of temper, that he was capable of walking a different path in marriage than his father had taken.

If that wasn’t love, he didn’t know what was.

Now all he had to do was convince Josie. He hoped it didn’t take her as long to believe as it had taken him.

She woke one more time on the way to the hospital, and he wished she hadn’t. It was obvious she was in terrible pain, but she was soldiering on, trying to hide how bad it was. He knew anyway, and it was killing him.

Josie’s mouth tasted as if she’d swallowed sawdust, and her head swam with the effort it took to distinguish the voices whirling around her.

“She’s been out for four hours.” That was Daniel’s voice. “She should have woken up by now.”

“It was like this after the first time, too,” her father said. “It’s the anesthetic. She reacts strongly to it. Last time it took her hours longer to come to than the doctors were expecting.”

“And you didn’t think you should mention this to the doctors here before they gave her a hefty dose?”

“I did mention it, but they had to give her enough to put her under.”

“Can’t they do something to wake her up?”

“They don’t need to. Sleep is the best thing for the healing process.”

“Natural sleep maybe.”

“I’m not going to get any sleep, natural or otherwise, with you two arguing over my bed.” Her voice came out raspy and weak, but the words were distinguishable, and she was proud of herself.

A hand came softly against her face in a brief caress. Daniel. She would always know his touch. “How do you feel?”

She forced eyelids that felt glued shut to open. He was a blur while her vision focused, but she tried to meet his gaze. “Numb.”

“It’s the anesthetic.”

“My leg?”

“The bullet went through tissue and muscle. No major arteries. No major bones. You should be back to normal in six weeks or less.”

Daniel slowly came into sharper focus. He’d made an effort to wash off the black face paint, but smears remained near his temple and on one cheekbone. She wondered if she looked any better. Somehow, she doubted it.

“I’ll tell the doctor she’s come to,” her dad said before leaving the room.

“The mission?” she asked.

“Successful. Hotwire got what we needed. The prisoners and the evidence were delivered to the FBI two hours ago. They plan to move in on the compound immediately.”

“Good,” she croaked and then grimaced. “Thirsty…”

He lifted a cup, putting the straw to her lips, and she sipped at the icy water with real pleasure. When she was done, he took the cup away and settled carefully on the side of her bed away from her injured leg.

He took her hand between his, the warmth in him infusing her with comfort. “I don’t like you getting shot.”

“I’m not real thrilled about it myself.”

“I don’t want the mother of my children to work in such a dangerous profession. Too stressful on family life.”

She stared up at him. “The drugs are making me hear things. You don’t want children.”

“I didn’t before, but now I do.”

“With me?” she asked, just to make sure. She felt too loopy to trust her first interpretation of his words.

“With you.” His hands pressed against hers as if he was willing her to listen to him. “I love you, Josette. I know you think it’s the guilt talking, but I swear it’s not. I need you in my life. Permanently.”

“You mean like get married?” She had to be hallucinating.

“And have babies. Yes.” He lifted her hand to his face and pressed her palm against his lips so she could feel his words as well as hear them. “Will you marry me, Josette? I’ll spend the rest of my life proving I can be a different man than my father.”