Stephanie Doyle: Suspect Lover

Dominic frowned. “She’s not a former lover. She’s a former employee. I wouldn’t lie about that, Caroline.”

He watched her shift in her seat and he could practically feel her skepticism. Reaching across the table, he circled her wrist with his hand. “I wouldn’t lie about that,” he repeated. “I have no reason to. If there was a lover you needed to know about, I would tell you. I hope you would do the same. I want us both to go into this with our eyes wide open.”

“This?”

“Marriage,” he said firmly.

He felt her retreat and regretted his haste in bringing up what was essentially the reason for this little get-together. But it was too late now.

“Caroline, you must know marriage is my goal. I believe I’ve made that very clear from the beginning. The point of the service we hired is not casual dating.”

“I know,” she said quietly. “You just startled me by talking about it so quickly. I thought we would have more time. I want to get to know you, Dominic.”

“You know me. You know about my work. You’ve seen my home. I don’t know that there is much else to talk about.”

That made her laugh, but there was no humor in the sound. “What about your family, your friends? Your whole life before you started your business?”

“I have no family.” He shook his head and forced himself to take a deep breath. Slow down, he thought. “That sounds more melodramatic than it is. My father left my mother before I was born. My mother died years ago. She was Mexican. My father was American. Is that a problem?”

“Your heritage? No. Besides, it was on your profile. But that isn’t enough. It isn’t nearly enough for two people to read each other’s résumés, have dinner and then decide on marriage.”

Dominic sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t have time for a drawn out romantic courtship. Hell, even if I did, I doubt I would be very good at it. I want to marry you, Caroline. I knew after a few conversations that ultimately you would be suitable.”

She flinched and Dominic cursed under his breath. He was making a hash of the entire evening. He should have said nothing, had more wine and taken her to bed. The morning would have been soon enough to discuss the future.

Dear Caroline,

I told you my world resolves around work. However, last night during our conversation you seemed determined to find some other hobby or interest. I suppose I enjoy swimming, as well. I like the feeling of floating above the surface. Pushing my body in exercise. I love the freedom.

D

Unable to sit, Caroline stood up and wandered out of the kitchen and through the living room. Once there she could look down to the office and gym and from there see the glittering reflection of light on the surface of the pool. Beyond the glass house, the ocean crashed against the surf, leaving nothing but puffs of white to assure her that she wasn’t lost in space.

It had taken so much courage to come here, she thought. So much to beat down the coward inside her. To pull herself away from her quiet little house and her quiet little town. The strength of ten men to leave her quiet little life and take a chance on the unknown.

She hadn’t needed the therapist she’d worked with after her parents’ deaths to explain the obvious. Her life, the life she’d known until she was sixteen, had been suddenly and irrevocably altered. It had changed her from a free-spirited teenager into a coward. Someone who always played it safe, who didn’t take chances for fear of getting hurt again.

This wasn’t safe. This had taken courage. Just to get on the plane and come here.

Only Dominic was asking for more.

“I don’t know that I can do this,” she muttered. It was the coward speaking and she hated it.

“Why did you come, then?”

She turned and found him nearer than she would have expected. Unnerved by his closeness, she took the stairs down to the pool room.

Maybe it was the pool that brought her here. His description of swimming gave him character beyond his curt e-mails. His one-syllable answers during their phone calls. It made her believe there was more to him. More of what she wasn’t sure. It was too intangible to name.

“I asked you a question.” This time he left a few feet between them but he still had followed her.

“Why did you pick me?” she asked instead. “Of all the profiles what was it about mine?”

He looked away and she wasn’t sure if he was searching for the truth or the answer she wanted to hear.

“I picked you because of your career,” he finally said. “I thought you would be used to a quiet life. Being on your own for so long, I didn’t think you would make unnecessary demands on my time. Time I don’t have to give.”

The truth. It was certainly brutal enough. She supposed she had to respect him for that.

“I’m sorry if that upsets you,” he said.

The truth couldn’t upset her. It helped to ground her in a reality that was quickly slipping away.

“Answer me. Why did you come?” he repeated.

He took a step closer, his eyes fixed on hers forcing her to meet his gaze.

Why had she come?

Why hadn’t she stayed home? With her work and her small circle of friends. Her fuzzy slippers and flannel pajamas. Why hadn’t she just gotten a damn kitten?

Because you were tired of being afraid. Because you decided you could want again. A family. A chance at having a family.

That seemed too personal to share with him. Because it meant so much more to her than a simple word. She struggled to find an answer that would appease him. “I wanted to find…”

“Love?” he interrupted. “Surely you’re not so naive, Caroline. Love is an aberration. At best a fleeting emotion that dies quickly once routine sets in. Two people of the same mind, with similar goals and compatible personalities can form a bond. A marriage based on that can be infinitely stronger than two people in love.”

She didn’t agree. But she didn’t see the need to contradict him, either. “I was going to say happiness.”

“I don’t know about happiness.” Dominic took another step closer. This time he reached out and took her hand. “But I can give you what you want.”

“What I want?”

“A child.”

She jumped a bit and he must have seen her reaction because he stilled.

“Your profile said you wanted children. You told me you even considered having a child on your own.”

“I did,” she blurted out. “I did consider that.” But the coward had won then, too, convinced her she couldn’t do it alone.

“You want a family don’t you?”

The word was like a punch to her gut. It struck at the very core of who she was and what she’d lost and she realized that there was no point in holding back. Not if he was going to be her husband.

“I have no family, either. My parents were killed in a car accident when I was sixteen. I lived with an older aunt but she passed away two years ago. I’ve been alone. Not lonely. But alone. I decided I wanted more.”

He nodded and she thought that he understood. A man who had lost his mother would know what it meant to start again. To take a risk and try to create a new family when you had already suffered the pain of losing one.

“Let me give you that.”

“I’m thirty-five,” she whispered even as he was tugging her closer. “It might not be that easy.”

A hand reached up and slipped around her neck. She felt the warmth and the weight of it in her hair tilting her neck ever so slightly to the side.

“We can try. We can keep trying.” He bent his head then and his lips touched hers. The bolt of attraction she’d been struck with when she saw him for the first time tripled, then quadrupled as his lips played with hers. His mouth opened and took possession. His tongue thrust deep. It had been so long. It felt so sinfully good.