Stephanie Doyle - Suspect Lover

It might have been minutes or an hour before she heard his footsteps coming down the stairs. Only then did she realize she hadn’t moved from her spot near her desk. Quickly she made her way to the kitchen and stuck her head deep inside the refrigerator so she wouldn’t have to look at him.

The cold began to numb her nose until she was forced to extract the pasta. She jumped when she saw how close he was standing. She opened her mouth to say something curt, maybe even something spiteful, but the words wouldn’t come.

“I’m sorry.”

Slowly she released the breath she’d been holding.

“I didn’t mean what I said last night. I was irritated about something else and I took it out on you.”

“Irritated about what?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“I think it does. I’m not an expert but I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to talk about what bothers us.”

His lips thinned and she could see that there was something else bugging him. He didn’t want to have this conversation with her now. He just wanted the argument to be over. This was good, she decided. She was learning him.

“Something happened at work today?”

His jaw twitched and he looked away from her. She watched him shake his head slightly as if debating what he would tell her.

“You don’t have to tell me.”

“No, it’s not that. I don’t know if I should. I need to think it through. Denny did something. I’m not even sure how to describe it. Maybe dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” She thought back to the awkward man she’d met at Anne’s surprise reception. Dangerous certainly wasn’t a word she would have attributed to him. Nervous, though. He’d definitely been nervous.

“Let’s forget it. I wanted to apologize. I’ve done that. I don’t want to talk about Denny. Not until I can get my head wrapped around it. Can we eat?”

Dismissed. As efficiently as he’d tossed her from his bed last night. For one second she thought to press him, instead she bit her tongue. This was a process. Learning him. Learning how to live with him. Learning how to fight, too. Like a book she could only deal with one chapter at a time. This wasn’t over, though. Not by a long shot.

“Dinner was good,” Dominic muttered. She felt a hand reach out to stroke her hair.

He was kidding. He had to be. His hand moved to her shoulder. The invitation was clear but she couldn’t imagine he was making it. Not this soon after last night. His finger ran along her arm gently caressing her skin. She trembled at the contact, but pulled out of his reach.

He sighed. “I take it I’m not forgiven.”

She heard the frustration in his voice and it triggered her anger. She told herself that it was a risk confronting him now. But apparently she wasn’t as patient as she thought she was.

Rolling off the bed, her feet hit the carpet. “I’m not good at this, Dominic. I’m not a confrontational person. I’m an observer. A witness. A writer.” A coward, she reminded herself.

But not tonight. Tonight she had to be brave.

Dominic threw off the covers and stood on the other side of the bed. Naked. Unashamed. Glorious. And pissed. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about this tug-of-war we seem to be engaged in. You think I don’t know what you’re doing? I get too close and you push me away.”

“I married you. You live in my house, sleep in my bed. How much closer do you need to be?”

“You kicked me out of your bed last night. I want to know why.”

“I told you.”

“You lied.” She saw him flinch, but she pressed on. “There wasn’t anything bothering you last night. You made love to me like you couldn’t get inside me deep enough and then it was over and you were gone. Still beside me but gone. Last night wasn’t the first time, either. You don’t like to touch me after we make love or hold me. Fine, I can deal with that. But did you know that as soon as you fall asleep you always pull me back in your arms? I’m not a yo-yo, Dominic. Are you scared of what’s happening? It’s okay. I’m scared, too.”

His cheeks flushed but he remained immobile. “I’m not scared,” he said tightly. “I told you up front how this relationship would work.”

“You told me you were a workaholic. I can live with that. As long as when we’re together you let us be together.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. “What do you want from me?”

She took a deep breath. Held it and then asked for what she knew she really wanted. “More.”

“More,” he repeated softly. “More? When I’ve already…” He caught himself and crossed his arms over his chest. “Fine. What’s more? You want me to talk to you about work?”

“No. Not the superficial stuff, anyway. It’s like a practiced speech every time you come home. The office was busy, plans are moving ahead on the government contract. Denny’s behaving strangely. You never talk about the people there. These people who share the biggest part of your life with you. I’ve been down to your office. Talked with them myself just so I could get to know you better. Do you know that Serena has a brother and a niece still living in Mexico and she’s working to get them a visa? Did you know that there are rumors about Denny having a crush on a real live woman?”

“I don’t gossip. It’s not what I consider professional.”

“Oh, please. It’s not about professionalism. It’s about you and your damn control. Everything in its place. Don’t let anyone get too close. I see it in the way you eat, dress and work. But not when you make love. You lose it then, don’t you? That’s why you push me away.”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you.” His expression was closed. Neutral. As if he were debating with a stranger instead of fighting with his wife. It infuriated her.

“Yes, you do,” she snapped. “I’m your wife. You have to explain things to me. Tell me why you walk through life with these self-imposed bars between you and everybody else in the world.”

“You’re imagining things.”

“Trust me. I couldn’t have a created a character as screwed up as you. Not unless there was a reason.” She circled the bed to stand closer to him, but didn’t touch him. Partly because she was afraid he would step back and it would break her heart if he did. “Is there a reason? Were you abused? Did your father hit you?”

“I had no father.”

“Then tell me something. You never talk about your past. It’s like you were born the CEO of Encrypton. Tell me about the boy. Tell me what happened to him to make the man. Was it your mother? Did she abandon you?”

“Leave her out of this,” he said his voice chillingly cold. “My mother loved me. I loved her. That’s all you need to know.”

“Then who? Who broke your heart, who taught you not to trust? Another woman? Anne? Or maybe that former employee in D.C. that you were going to see. Was it her? Did she hurt you when she left?”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

Not so ridiculous. There was a reaction in his face just then and despite what he’d told her, she would bet her life whoever that woman was, she wasn’t just an employee. Fear seeped inside her gut. “I won’t spend my life with a man who is in love with someone else.”

“For God’s sake, I’m not in love with anyone!”

With that the fight left her. “I guess not.” She sunk heavily on to the bed.

He paced in front of her and she could sense his agitation. “Is that what you thought? That we would play house, have sex and in a month we’d be in love. You’re not stupid, Caroline. You should have known better.”

The strap on her nightgown dipped off her shoulder, but she didn’t fuss with it. “I guess I should have. I didn’t. I’m falling in love with you.”