James Chase - Not My Thing

Lucan’s heart missed a beat. He turned and regarded Lepski. He knew him to be a tough, dangerous cop. This wasn’t the time to tangle with him.

‘Hello, there, Mr Lepski. Good to see you again,’ he said, forcing a smile. ‘You’re looking well.’

‘Don’t feed me that crap!’ Lepski snarled. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Me? Getting a little sun, relaxing, a short vacation.’

‘Creeps like you are not wanted here,’ Lepski said. ‘Take a vacation some place else!’

Lucan pulled himself together. He was sure, during the next three weeks, when he would be working with Kling, he would meet again this bastard cop.

‘Is that official, Mr Lepski? You want me to take it up with the Mayor? Now listen, Mr Lepski, until you get a complaint about me, don ’t lean on me. I don’t appreciate it!’

He got in his car, started the engine and drove away.

Lepski watched him go, clenching and unclenching his fists, making a low growling noise that would have done credit on the sound track of a horror movie.

At 05.50, Lepski arrived back home. He took from his car gift-wrapped perfume and a big box of candy, plus twelve long-stemmed roses. He was still horrified at what this junk had cost him. He unlocked the front door, listened, then tiptoed into the living-room. He found a vase and put the roses in it, then put the candy and the perfume on the table where Carroll would see them the moment she came down stairs. He surveyed the scene. It looked pretty good. Well, maybe, he consoled himself, it was money well spent.

‘Is that you, Tom, dear?’

Carroll’s voice.

Lepski stiffened, then hurried into the lobby. There was Carroll, wearing a see-through night-dress, standing at the top of the stairs.

‘Poor Tom, you must be tired,’ she said. ‘Come on up. Let’s go to bed. We have lots and lots of time. Never mind coffee. Come on up!’

Lepski eyed Carroll, thinking she was really the most glamorous girl he knew. In a bewildered daze, he climbed the stairs, and Carroll put her arms around him and gave him a hug.

‘Do you forgive me?’ she asked. ‘I was sorry I got mad yesterday. I’m really sorry.’

‘I – I thought… ’ Lepski mumbled.

He was led into the bedroom.

‘Take a shower, pet.’ Carroll slid into bed. ‘Hurry.’

Lepski threw off his clothes.

‘I should apologize,’ he said, ‘I… ’

She burst out laughing.

‘Okay, so I was mad. I went to my club and told the girls. They just split their sides. ‘The Burnt Offering’. They loved it. They said it was the wittiest thing they had ever heard, and they are right. You are very clever, Tom. Who else but you would have thought of that?’

‘Yeah.’

Still walking in a daze, Lepski went into the bathroom and took a shower. As he stood under the flow of water, he thought of the money he had spent and the gifts downstairs.

But he forgot about that when he got into bed and Carroll wrapped him in her arms.

Ernie Kling lay full length on the comfortable settee in the well furnished living-room of his Star Motel’s cabin,

Seated near him in a lounging-chair was Lucky Lucan. At the far end of the room, sitting on a hard-backed chair, was Ng Vee, his expressionless eyes continually watching Lucan.

Kling and Lucan had gone through the chat about the trip from Washington, and how Kling had found Paradise City. He said it looked like his scene.

‘Yes,’ Lucan said. ‘You’ll love it. Well, Ernie, money first, huh?’ He picked up the briefcase that Jamison had given him. ‘I’ve got you four thousand dollars in cash to cover your immediate expenses.’ He had removed a thousand dollars from the briefcase for himself. ‘Okay?’

‘If it’s for immediate expenses, I’m not squealing.’

‘That’s what it’s for.’ Lucan handed the briefcase to Kling.

Kling said, ‘Hey kid, stash this away somewhere safe.’

‘Yes, sir,’ Ng said and, taking the briefcase, he left the room.

‘Who the hell’s that chink?’ Lucas asked, lowering his voice.

‘Don’t get your lines crossed, Lucky. He’s Vietnamese, and he’s my partner.’

Lucan frowned.

‘I didn’t know you used a partner.’

‘I do now, and let me tell you something. He is fifty times the man you are or ever will be. Remember that. Never tangle with him. He’s deadly.’

Lucan moved uneasily.

‘Okay.’

‘Right. Now what’s the caper about?’

‘A rich man wants to get rid of his wife,’ Lucan said. ‘She’s a strict RC and won’t give him a divorce. They can’t produce kids and that’s what he wants. He’s found a woman, and now wants to marry her, so he wants his wife knocked off. That’s the story.’

Kling lay still, slightly resembling a deadly snake, basking in the sun, then he nodded.

‘Sounds okay. So this creep will pay me three hundred thousand for getting rid of his wife?’

‘That’s it,’ Lucan said, uneasily. ‘There are conditions.’

Kling smiled evilly.

‘There always are. So…?’

‘A perfect job. No blow-back. No cops. A lethal accident.’

‘There’s never a blow-back when I do a job. Okay, tell this creep I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him how I’ll handle the job. I’ll want information about his wife.’

Lucan blotted his forehead with his handkerchief.

‘No, Ernie. He insists on dealing with only me as a go-between. That’s the last thing I want, but the deal isn’t on unless he deals with me.’

‘Why?’ Kling asked, now alert.

‘Well, he wants to remain anonymous until he is sure you come up with the perfect method.’

‘Sort of playing cagey, huh?’

‘Yes.’

‘Who is this guy, Lucky?’

‘I’ve asked around and through my connections which cost me, Ernie, I… ’

‘Cut out the crap, Lucky!’ Kling snarled. ‘Who is he?’

‘Sherman Jamison.’

Kling sat bolt upright, swinging his long legs off the settee.

‘You mean the Sherman Jamison?’

‘Is there another?’

Kling lay back, lit a cigarette and stared up at the ceiling. He remained motionless for some minutes, then he smiled.

‘So Jamison wants to get rid of his wife. Man! Is this a nice, tasty dish!’

Lucan didn’t say anything. He waited.

Kling thought, then he said, ‘You know this guy’s worth billions?’

Lucan licked his dry lips.

‘I believe so.’

‘Right. He and I are going to meet. This isn’t your thing, Lucky. This is between men. You’ve now got to fix I meet Jamison. You have to find out where he goes so I can meet him. Tell him I need information about his wife. Fix a meeting, then I’ll be there instead of you.’

‘It won’t work, Ernie. He’s too smart. He comes here, takes me in his car to a beach to talk. This guy is VIP and very dangerous.’

‘So, okay, he’s dangerous.’ Kling grinned. ‘I like dangerous guys. What’s he paying you, Lucky?’

‘I get a cut off yours,’ Lucan said uneasily. ‘He’s tight about money.’

Kling smiled again.

‘So I pay you, huh?’

‘I thought ten per cent would be fair.’

Kling burst out laughing.

‘You kill me! You’re so small-time, I’m almost sorry for you. Well, okay, you tell him I’ve got a perfect plan cooking, but I need information about his wife. Then fix another meeting. This time I’ll take over.’ He slid off the settee and walked to the table where he found paper and pencil. He wrote rapidly while Lucan, his heart thumping, watched him. Finally, Kling handed the sheet of paper to Lucan.

‘Those are the questions I want answered. Then tell him in two days’ time, you’ll tell him how I’ll get rid of his wife: a perfect job. Fix a meeting, then I’ll take over. Got it?’