Lawrence Block - The Girl With the Deep Blue Eyes

“I have to tell you the rest of the story,” he said.

And he told her how his hands had found Pregnant Girl’s pale throat, and how his excitement had built with the urge to apply pressure.

“I wanted to kill her,” he said. “I don’t know how close I came. How do you measure that sort of distance? I know my hands were ready, they wanted so much to tighten their grip that it was almost impossible to hold them back.”

“And then what happened?”

“I let go of her throat.”

“Where did you put your hands?”

“On her stomach.”

“And the urge you’d felt—”

“Passed.”

“And now you can’t stop thinking about it.”

“That’s right.”

“And you had to tell me so I’ll know to be afraid of you.”

“Something like that.”

“Give me a minute, let me think. Okay. Put your hands on my neck.”

“The hell I will.”

“The hell you won’t . I’m serious, baby. Okay, you’re on your side, and I’m going to lie facing away from you, and I want you to put your hands on my throat. God damn it, Doak, just do it, will you please? Now how do you feel?”

“Sick to my stomach.”

“Are you excited?”

“I just told you, I’m—”

“Sick to your stomach. Do you want to wring my neck?”

“Jesus, Lisa—”

“Because you can, you know. You’re bigger and stronger and I’m not even struggling, I’m just lying here. Is it exciting that I’m helpless?”

“No.”

“You can move your hands now. Do what you did with her, hold my stomach. It doesn’t pooch out and you’re not likely to feel anything kicking, but hold me anyway. Baby, I’m not afraid of you. You’re not gonna kill me.”

And later she said, “I’m glad you insisted on telling me the rest of the story. And I’m glad I made you put your hands on my throat. It’s good to have all of that out of the way. Everything’s gonna work out for us, you know.”

“I’m beginning to believe it.”

“But we still have some big issues to deal with. Like, do you think I should let my hair grow long again?”

“I like it like this.”

“So do I. See? Some big issues, and we just settled one of them. Everything’s working out.”

He was silent, thinking it through. At length he said, “You know, in the movies I’ve been watching, things never work out. In the end, something always goes wrong.”

“That’s the movies,” she said. “This is life.”