Микки Спиллейн - The Erection Set

The pair of seedy customers drinking from schooners of beer had their feet propped on a gleaming brass rail while they argued about baseball. The skinny old bartender in the too-big shirt ignored them, polishing already shiny glasses to crystallike brilliance.

When we propped ourselves on the stools and called for a beer the two at the end stopped talking long enough to look us over, then went back to their argument. The bartender set down our glasses, rang up the money and pushed my change toward me. I looked at him carefully, studying his face, remembering the towering man with the huge gut that could bounce off full half kegs of suds onto the cellar chute, and the deep voice that used to make us hustle for the quarters we earned when we cleaned up the picnic tables.

I said, “Tod?”

The old man turned, his eyes focusing on mine. He nodded.

“You been on a diet?”

He grunted and a grin showed his false choppers. “I been on a cancer, son. Only that was a long time ago and hardly nobody remembers me fat. Who may you be?”

I stuck out my hand and waited until he took it. “Cameron Barrin was my grandfather.”

He pulled his hand away sharply. “You ain’t...”

Before he could finish I shook my head. “I’m the bastard one, Tod. Dogeron Kelly. Used to run errands for you when I sneaked out of the castle up there.”

His grin got big suddenly and he grabbed my hand again. “Damn, boy! Sure I remember you. Hell, I remember you and that Polack kid fighting to see who got the swamping job at the hunkie picnic. I put up five bucks for the winner.”

“That Polack kid sure could hit,” I said.

“Yeah, but you won.” He laughed again and pulled another beer for himself. “You know, I bet another five on the Polack.”

“Tough.”

“My own fault. I shoulda remembered you was your father’s kid.”

The beer stopped halfway to my mouth. “You knew him?”

“Sure, and your mother too. But that was before all the trouble. What a wild-assed Irisher he was. He used to meet your ma right here in this place. Oh, nobody ever knew about it or anything. She used to sing when old Barney played the piano.” He stopped for a minute, cocking his head at me. “I ain’t talking outa turn or anything, am I? Sometimes an old guy like me...”

“No sweat, Tod. It was just something I didn’t know but was glad to hear. I’m glad my mother had class enough to cut away from that bunch when she could.”

“Dead, both of them, aren’t they?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Too bad. It ain’t like before at all. What’re you doing back here?”

“Looking the old place over.”

“Not much to see anymore. Except for her.” He nodded at Sharon, smiling. “This is your daughter?”

Sharon choked on her beer and grabbed for a paper napkin to wipe her chin. When she dried off she faked a sigh of exasperation and said, “Good grief!”

“We’re not even married,” I told him.

“Made another- boo-boo, I guess,” Tod said.

“Nope, you just proved a point, Tod. I’d just better pick on somebody my own age.”

“Don’t do it on my account,” Sharon told me quickly. “I’m starting to enjoy all this after putting up with my New York image.”

“Good thing she isn’t my daughter,” I said.

“It would be a very incestuous relationship if I were.”

“I didn’t mean that.” I gave her a poke with my elbow and Tod let out a chuckle.

“Me,” he told us, “I couldn’t take the excitement you kids look for. I’m glad even the old pilot light’s gone out. Now a woman is only something that goes to the ladies’ room instead of the men’s room.” He finished his beer, filled all three and set them down again. This time he didn’t take my money. “You still didn’t say what you’re doing back. It ain’t really to just look around, is it?”

“In a way. I’m looking for information.”

Tod folded his arms on the bar and nodded. “I see. Well, it ain’t like it was, this being a place where you could learn anything, but I hear a few things now and then.”

“About Barrin Industries?”

“Shot to hell, is what. Maybe half working what used to work there. They ever get busy, they’re going to have to import a labor force. No more young people around here if they can help it.”

“How about McMillan?”

“Shoot, man. He’s the one that hired ’em all away for his factory in Aberdeen and the electronic plant outside Madrid. He even bought up a lot of property they owned so they could relocate.”

“Adjoining lots, probably, and all on the right of way to the water.”

“Correct. But who cared?”

“McMillan,” I said. “He knew what he was doing.” Tod shrugged again and spread his hands. “They was all glad to get out. They’re probably still glad. This town hasn’t improved none.”

“Ever hear anything about my cousins?”

“Dennison and Al? Them two patsies? All they do is toss parties out at the country club. Society crap, y’know? I got a niece that waits on tables out there and she tells me everything that goes on.”

“Wild?”

“Them old maids? All hankie waving and backbiting. Half the guys go only because their wives make ’em. They wind up talking golf at the bar and getting blasted. Sure not like the old days here.”

“You mean Al and Dennie are boozers?”

“Nah. They’re as bad as the old maids. With all them relatives watching an’ the way their sisters hang on ‘em, all they do is talk. Oh, they’d like to cut loose. That Dennie pinched my niece’s ass once... sorry, ma’am... and Al, he took a short cut back to town with some lady entertainer they had out there and got stuck in a ditch by the river. Bennie Sachs was on night patrol and hauled them out. Old Al had some scratches on his cheek, but he said he got them from the bushes. The dame, she wasn’t talking and never said nothin’ anyway, so we made a few jokes about it, then it all died down.” Tod let out a rumbling chuckle again and stroked his chin thoughtfully. “I still think he made a pass at her. It would take a blindman not to see that ditch in a full moon.”

“Lousy technique,” I said.

“You have a better one?” Sharon asked me.

“Later you’ll find out.”

“Ah, you kids,” Tod muttered.

I finished the beer and pushed off the stool. “Where does that niece of yours live?”

“Over on Highland. White house at the top of the hill.” He gave me a shrewd look. “You figuring to hang something on those cousins of yours?”

“I sure would like to have something to prod them with.”

“Anything doing, Louise’ll tell you. And good luck. I don’t like them snotnoses. Just tell Louise I sent you.”

“Thanks, I’ll do that.”

“You coming back?”

I nodded and pushed a pair of singles across the bar. “Hell, Tod, I’m already here.”

Sharon was beginning to enjoy the game. Linton had been her backyard too and she knew her way around the streets and rear alleys better than I did, pointing out familiar landmarks, making me pause to look at her old school and stopping in a few stores to say hello to old friends. Of the dozen or so people I spoke to, she knew several of them, but all we managed to get was a blank as far as the Barrin family was concerned. The aristocracy was safely barricaded behind their fortifications on the estate with their private lives well hidden.

After supper she agreed to tackle Tod’s niece, dropped me off at the local precinct station and drove off. I watched the taillights disappear around the comer, then went up the steps into the building.

A cop going off duty directed me to an office on the right and I walked to the door, rapped twice and walked in. The burly-shouldered guy at the filing cabinet with his back to me said, “Be with you in a minute,” then flipped through a few folders, found the one he wanted and slammed the door in. When he turned around he was about to ask me to sit down, did a slow double take that wiped the forced smile off his face and just stood there, looking at me belligerently. “You, huh?”