Angel Colón: No Happy Endings

Three rows in sat Aleksei—his twin meatheads seated behind him. Aleksei waved to Fantine with a sour frown. “You are late.”

Fantine sat beside him. “Took me a minute to figure out this was the place.” She looked around. There were a few people seated at different spots, but the place was quiet. Three TVs played the morning news on mute with garbled closed captioning explaining that an accident was causing traffic on the “huchinsin RyVr Parkway.”

“I gave you the address.” Aleksei shifted in his seat and grimaced.

“Yes, you did.” Fantine continued looking around. Nothing in the clinic seemed to stand out, but it was still a bizarre place to meet. “It’s so nondescript here.”

“That is what they want.” Aleksei cleared his throat. He turned his head either way and leaned forward. “This is a very private place.” He lowered his voice as he spoke, “Very exclusive.”

“What, this some kind of private rehab?” Fantine turned and waved to the twins. They didn’t say hi back. They weren’t happy to be here either. She wondered why.

Aleksei turned to her and gave a sly smile. “Are you a worldly woman?”

“I’ve been to Florida, if that’s what you’re asking. I avoid places where everyone talks with silly accents for the most part.” She smirked. “And yes, I’m aware people in Florida have silly accents.”

Aleksei laughed joylessly. “Very well. I will explain.” He looked over his shoulders again. Leaned in. “You know China runs the world now, right?” he whispered.

Fantine nodded. Great, she thought to herself, politics with an idiot—quiet, sneaky politics at that. “Sure. Big time money over there.” She matched his volume. Not like she was well-versed in global politics either, but she could bullshit her way around these kinds of conversations. Agreeing was better than trying to steer the car with a man like Aleksei. She’d rather leave this place as soon as possible. She was already taking a half day from work.

“Yes, well, in China it appears they have a problem. A lot of pollution. All that money and no long term thinking.” Aleksei ran a hand down the lapels of his jacket. “This has caused problems for some very powerful men.”

“Is this some creepy organ harvesting thing?” Fantine wasn’t sure why that thought came to mind, but she figured expecting the worst was the best course of action. “Or wait, do you need kidneys or something? You know you have a son, right?”

Aleksei rubbed his chin. “Not exactly. It appears all that pollution is making these, eh, captains of industry unable to perform properly.”

She didn’t like where this was going. “Oh-kay…”

“In turn that has caused a sudden demand for a product—specifically a product derived from a very special group.” Aleksei discretely pointed a thick finger towards the door next to the nurse’s station. “They store that product here—in the basements. Very high security. Hundreds of the best men in their fields, Ivy League graduates, all-star athletes have left the product here.”

“Oh, Christ, please don’t tell me this is going where I think it is.” Fantine felt the sides of her mouth tug down as if weights were hooked on.

“In China, they can demand almost five thousand dollars for as little as ten milliliters of it.”

“For fuck’s sake.” Fantine wanted to vomit. She covered her face with her hands. “And we’re here. You meet here of all places. Fucking subtle.” She sighed.

Aleksei nodded. “Miss Park, I want you to break into this place and steal some of the most valuable genetic material in the world for me. Nearly ten million dollars’ worth.”

Fantine didn’t know how to react. Money, jewelry—sure—that was easy to steal, but this? “Are you asking me to break into a sperm bank?”

One of the twins stifled a laugh.

“Exactly. A very different kind of bank heist, no?” He slapped a paw on her leg and laughed. “Quite the story to tell if it is successful.”

“I don’t understand.” She turned and watched the nurses’ station. “It’s not like this is Fort Knox. Why not pay one of those guys off? I’m damn sure any one of them would love to retire from a gig like this.”

Aleksei shook his head. “Not so easy. They value privacy here. Security is much stronger within and I hear whoever runs the show inspires immense loyalty.”

Great, so there was someone involved who had a measure of power that was at a level that Aleksei would respect. Fantine didn’t like how that made her feel. “And you think I can do this alone?”

“Not at all. But you have knowledge of the locks inside.”

“How’s that?”

“You work for the company that helps to make them.”

Her heart sank. Pete sold her out one hundred percent. There was no way for Aleksei to know otherwise. It was obvious from the start and it was obvious now. He told his father everything.

Pete and his family had a habit of fucking family and friends over in the name of money. It was a near-hereditary disease and Fantine excused it all in the name of friendship. Now this was the punishment. Stealing fancy sperm. Her mother would have laughed Aleksei out of the room at such an offer, but with the threat against her father, Fantine knew she had no options. Especially if Pete was a part of all this. It was all too much. She made a mental note to stop at a bar—any bar—before heading into work after this meet. There was a pang of guilt; Fantine really entertained staying sober until this earthquake came along. The thought of disappointing her dad like this was the absolute worst of it, but she’d sooner take a disappointed Jae than a dead one. She knew she couldn’t handle losing him too.

“Alright, so I know about the locks. This place is huge. You can’t expect me to get in here alone.” She jabbed a thumb behind her. “Unless these two are my back up.”

Aleksei nodded. “You are as prescient as your mother, but yes, I do expect you to do this alone.”

“That was a joke, right?” Fantine turned and stared at the twins. They were smiling. “I break into places. I don’t plan, drive, carry; none of that shit.”

“No other choice, young lady,” Aleksei said curtly. “You will do as you are told. This is a job that requires secrecy and a quick hand. I cannot trust anyone else. Of course, if you do not feel this is a feat that you can accomplish, then our business will conclude as I stated it would.”

He was clearly alluding to her father. Fantine felt her stomach churn. “Fine, whatever. I’ll do what’s needed to get you your artisanal jizz. What’s my cut?”

“Now you are interested in money?”

“The cut.” Something had to go her way here.

“Twenty-five percent. You will be doing most of the work—none of the actual heavy lifting—but there is a lot of labor on your part.”

That seemed fair to her. “How about thirty?” Fantine figured she press her luck. If anything, it would annoy Aleksei further. At least she’d get enjoyment out of it.

Aleksei answered with a hard stare.

“More like twenty-seven, then?” Fantine gave him a wide smile. The kind a kid would give their mom when asking for an extra slice of cake.

“I will be able to get you more information soon.” Aleksei stood up. “There is one problem—not so much your problem, but something you should know about.”

Fantine looked up at him. Aleksei took up most of her view. It felt like he’d come bearing down any second. She imagined all that weight choking her off from breath and light. It didn’t seem that unappealing. “What’s the problem?” she asked.

“There are rumors about this place. The job must be done quickly and with discretion.”

Fantine rolled her eyes. “Obviously, rumors or not, nobody wants to get arrested.”