Роберт Фиш - The Wager

Kek rubbed a hand through his touseled hair. “Without a connecting door, I’m afraid. Actually, if I can arrange it, on separate decks and, if possible, on opposite sides of the ship.”

“You wouldn’t want me to stay home and just rent a rowboat in Central Park?” Anita asked with dangerous sweetness. “I certainly appreciate the way you invite people on cruises!” She stared at him a moment and then shook her head, her thick hair curling about her face. “I’m sorry, darling. I’m sure you have a good reason for it.” Suddenly she smiled her gamine grin. “How are you going to avoid me, though, if I pursue you on board with an eye on a flaming shipboard romance? Or is that also verboten ?”

Kek considered. “Well,” he said, smiling, “that might be a possibility.”

“Thank you, sir. Anyway,” Anita said philosophically, “maybe it’s even better this way. You won’t be able to complain about my smoking in bed, or about my things hanging over the bathtub.” She frowned. “I’ll have to check my wardrobe to see what I’ve got to wear on a cruise where the temperatures are apt to melt my makeup. It’s a pity your M’sieu Victor Eugène Whatever didn’t want his whatever it is brought in during the winter. With my luck, Ile Rocheux will probably be the hottest, most humid of all the hot and humid islands.”

Kek had been on the point of walking out. Now he paused and looked back at Anita in surprise.

“Ile Rocheux?” he said. “Did I give you the impression that we would be taking a cruise to Ile Rocheux? I’m sorry, sweet. Plan on the other islands, but the one place, I promise, our cruise, singular or plural will not be going, is Ile Rocheux!”

He shuddered at the thought, and went in to take his bath.

The young lady behind the counter of the All-Ways Travel Agency beamed at the handsome man across from her, wishing she had done her hair differently and had worn the new dress she had so recently bought.

“A cruise? Of course, a cruise!” she said. Her tone indicated that the thought of a cruise as a possible vacation solution would never have occurred to her in a million years had it not been for the near-genius of her customer in bringing it to mind. “To the Caribbean? Oh, yes! Very good. Very good. Do you like to play bridge?”

“On occasion,” Kek said cordially, “but I’m afraid I’m rather busy this afternoon, and this evening is out of the question. And tomorrow I have an appointment—”

“Or possibly you prefer canasta?” the young lady asked anxiously, certainly not wishing to make an improper selection at this stage of the game, particularly not to this nice gentleman.

“I beg your pardon? I thought we started talking about cruises.”

The young lady simpered. “We are talking about cruises. Things people do on board.” A third possibility occurred to the young lady and she nodded emphatically, ashamed of herself for not having thought of it sooner, especially in view of the excellent physique of the handsome gentleman. “Of course,” she said. “Golf!”

“They play golf on ships?” Kek asked, suitably impressed. He sounded as if he knew they were building the floating palaces bigger and bigger, but this seemed a bit much, even for the most massive. “They must have done wonders with stabilizers since the last time I traveled. But I’m afraid it’s out of the question. With my slice...” He shrugged.

The young lady smirked at this bit of wit, properly interpreted it as being rhetorical, and dredged up a fourth possibility. “Or perhaps you would prefer to do nothing?”

Kek looked at her wonderingly. “You mean, forget the whole business and stay home?”

The young lady fought down a giggle at this waggery. She managed to bring it under control and turned, sweeping her arm in an arc to indicate a series of racks crowded with leaflets, pamphlets, and other folders in all colors and thicknesses.

“You see,” she said, getting down to the nub of the matter, “we have all types of cruises for all sorts of people with all kinds of tastes and for every size pocketbook. We have six-day cruises to St. Thomas, stopping in San Juan, where everyone plays cribbage day and night—”

Kek fought down a shudder as the young lady, now wound up, continued.

“—we have five-day cruises to Jamaica stopping at St. Croix for shopping, where the motif is canasta. We have golfing cruises where we stop at the islands with the better golf courses, and where our cruise director is a member of the PGA and gives driving lessons from the aft deck during sailing days. You must provide your own golfballs, of course. Naturally, we recommend old balls. Then we have cruises where the main interest is more cultural; one in particular — nine days to Jamaica with a stopover for shopping in Martinique — is proving a great favorite with mystery fans. Between writing classes, conducted by qualified people who have been published at least once, old Charlie Chan movies are shown in the ship’s theater. Then we have what we call—”

Kek had had enough. “Miss—”

“—Trips to Nowhere,” the young lady went on, nowhere near through with her pitch. “On these cruises the ship merely goes out into the ocean out of sight of land for three or four days and then comes back to the same port. These cruises are mainly for people who just love the sight and sound of the ocean and have no particular desire to take advantage of the tax-free shopping on most of these islands. Even the ship’s shop is closed on these cruises, so if you’re planning on much shopping, I would suggest—”

“ Young lady !”

The young lady skidded to a halt, suddenly aware that she had somehow lost the attention of her customer, wondering what on earth she could possibly have said to bring that steely look to those handsome gray eyes. She hadn’t even touched on the cruise to sunken pirate treasure, not to mention the pièce de résistance , the cruise for single persons. It was the one she had always preferred, herself.

“Sir?”

“Look,” Kek said into the welcome silence, “these multitudinous sailings with everybody doing everything their hearts desire — or not doing them, if it so pleases them — are they recorded anywhere on paper, or did you have to memorize all that?”

“Oh, yes, sir,” the young lady said fervently, and indicated once more the racks upon racks of printed material. She suddenly seemed to realize what the handsome man was driving at. “Would you care for some brochures covering the various trips I mentioned?”

“Yes,” Kek said sincerely.

“Of course, of course!” said the young lady, and proceeded to round up an armful of various colored pamphlets, speaking as she did so. “The cruise for singles—”

“Do they have both schedules and accommodations? The pamphlets, I mean.”

“Oh, yes, oh yes!” It seemed the handsome man was not interested in cruises for singles. What a pity! Ah, well... She stuffed the lot into a large plastic bag and placed it on the counter.

Kek hefted it; it made for a goodly load. He had the feeling that every sailing vessel in the world must be pressed into service to carry vacationing Americans, pied-piper style, into the sun and sand. It made him wonder what happened to cruise-loving Finns, or Italians, when apparently all the ships in the world were in the Caribbean practically side by side.

The young lady smiled proudly, aware of a job well done. “Is there anything else I can do for you, sir?”

“Just one thing,” Kek replied. He tapped his package of brochures. “How much actual notice would be required to be sure and get the exact accommodations at the exact time for any particular ship? I mean, on any particular cruise? Or cruises?”