Elmore Leonard: Freaky Deaky

What Robin meant by "doing all the work" was having to act sweet and girlish with Woody.

The man didn't come downstairs till afternoon and was already half in the bag. Skip would never have recognized him on the street after all these years. Woody blinked, startled by this woman giving him a hug and a kiss and then acting hurt, curling her lower lip, saying, "You don't remember me?" Woody said, "Gimme a hint." Robin gave him more than that. She unbuttoned her shirt and his eyes opened to a picture from his past, though now hanging a bit lower.

"Robin!" Woody said.

"How much you need?"

He remembered that, how she used to get him to loan her money. And he remembered her being here last Saturday, now he did, but didn't recall agreeing to buy her books to turn into a musical. So Robin pouted again and seemed about to cry-Skip wondering if she ever actually had, at some time in her life. Robin said, "But we did, we talked about it," and showed Woody the contract, all the legal bullshit-"herein referred to as the Fire Series"-without mentioning the amount out loud, the $425,000 for each of the four books.

Donnell stepped over to say to Skip, "The man ain't buzzed enough. I could slip him a 'lude."

For that matter, Skip was thinking, he could put an arm lock on the man till he signed. The contracts were something to show the police, after, proof they'd made a deal with Woody before a mysterious explosion took his life. (And the life of his chauffeur.) Skip couldn't tell Donnell that, so he said, "Robin'll handle him."

And she did, by convincing Woody they'd lined up Gordon Macrae to star.

"Don't you remember talking about Gordon Macrae?" Sure he did. Woody said, "Boyoh-boy," taking the pen Robin offered. Skip made a face, watching the man sign the contracts: it seemed the next thing to robbing the dead.

Yet here was the man happy as could be, saying, Let's celebrate, have a party, telling Donnell to go pick up some Chinese for when they got hungry.

Robin said she'd go with him.

Skip had to wonder about that. He followed them out to the kitchen, where Robin was saying she wanted to see Woody's signed check. Anxious.

Donnell said, "The checkbook is in the desk and it stays there.

Nobody touches it till I write in this name and the numbers and hand it to you as you leave. After the man has called the bank. Understand?

Be cool, girl. You know how to be cool? Try."

Donnell took car keys off a hook by the door. Skip saw Robin getting her killer look and held on to her arm, letting Donnell walk out, down the back hall to the garage.

Close to her Skip said, "He's showing us who's boss, that's all. It doesn't hurt any. You took something away from him last night and now he's got it back."

Robin turned to look Skip in the face. After a moment she said, a little surprised, "What'd I take?"

"His manhood. Don't you know anything? You put him down, I have to pick him up." Skip stepped to the window as he saw a gray Mercedes appear in the back drive, out of the garage. He saw Donnell, behind the wheel, raise a remote control switch to close the garage door. The car moved off, past Robin's VW and around the corner of the house. Skip stared out at the backyard now.

Robin said, "We don't need Don-nell. " "Then what'd you bring him in for?"

Standing with his back to her he heard Robin say, "I don't know, it seemed like a good idea."

He heard the flick of her lighter.

"You know yet where you'll put the dynamite?"

Skip turned from the window and had to grin at her.

Funny she should ask. He said, "Once you have the idea, it's easy.

Later on, after Donnell gets back, take him in the bathroom or someplace. Huh? You do what you're good at and I'll do what I'm good at, maybe we'll get lucky and pull this off."

Robin said, "Luck has nothing to do with it." She blew smoke at Skip and walked out of the kitchen.

He turned to the window again and looked at Robin's red VW thinking, Five sticks under the hood, wired to the ignition. Go on get the car started, I "II be right with you. Tell her you forgot something and watch from a window. It made more sense than placing the charge where he had in mind.

Skip was still in the kitchen when Donnell returned with three sacks of Chinese cartons. They shared a joint while Donnell placed the cartons inside the big restaurant size oven, Skip thinking that disrespecting a man and killing him were two entirely different things.

Full of thoughts today.

He said, "Robin rolls a joint."

Donnell said, "She good for something, huh?"

"She's dying to get you in the bathroom."

"What you telling me that for?"

"It's the only time she's pleasant."

Skip drew on the joint, handed it to Donnell and said in his constricted dope voice, "I gotta go call my mother."

Donnell said, "Hey, shit, I hjive to do that too."

Donnell knew the one to keep an eye on was Robin.

Skip was a man went headfirst right to it. Robin, you had to watch your back with her, she'd circle on you. Said she'd like to see the signed check; shit, she like to slip one out of the book, put her name on it later on. When she gave him eyes, letting him know she wanted her needs met, that was all right. Skip had said this situation excited her and she was hot. Fine, but it wouldn't be in no bathroom this time, not with all the beds in the house. It made it easy to keep an eye on her, lying underneath him, straining her head against the pillow going "Ouuuu… ouuuu. " There was a woman Donnell had in this same bed screamed when she was peaking, cute woman that came in to clean the house and loved to sing but would get the words all fucked up. Like the Christmas song about chestnuts roasting in an open fire, then the next part, instead of Jack Frost, she'd say "Jack Paar nippin' at your nose." But, man, she moved underneath you, and even screaming was better than Robin with that ouuu, ouuu. When they were done, getting dressed, Robin gave him this cool look over the shoulder like she was prize pussy. Donnell said to her, "Robin?" serious, giving her a look back. When she said what, he said, "I think you getting better."

Skip walked into the pool house and said, "Jesus Christ," at the sight of Woody floating on his rubber raft, flapping his hands in the water.

Robin came out with Sunday papers under her arm and Skip said, "Catch this."

"Beautiful," Robin said.

Skip watched her walk over to the table and sit down, barely glancing at the mound of flesh out there.

He said to her, "I been a good boy, Mommy. I did what you told me while you were upstairs getting laid. Can I have my candy now?"

"Where'd you put it?" Still curious about the dynamite, but not enough to look up from the paper.

"You're gonna love how it works," Skip said, and had to let it go at that. Donnell was coming out of the sunroom and around the shallow end. Look at the dude, a regular breath of spring in a yellow outfit now, like he was going to a party, DonnelFs gaze holding on that sight out in the water. Skip said to him, "The man's bare naked."

"Yeah, I think he must've forgot he has company. You leave him here alone?"

"Few minutes. I had to go the bathroom."

"Yeah, he thought it was time for his swim. Man will take a shower and come out rubbing his hands together, means it's the cocktail hour."

"Shit, he won't miss that money, will he?"

"Won't even remember it's gone."

Skip turned his back to Robin sitting at the table.

"You ever drop acid?"

"I have, but it don't agree with me."

"If you want to try again…"

"I like the bad habits I have."

"Well, I think I'll trip, if you'll watch the store."

All three of them heard the doorbell, Robin looking up from the paper.

Donnell said, "Everybody be cool now."