Alan Cook - Honeymoon for Three

Penny glanced at Alfred sitting in the seat beside her. He had changed from the pants with the torn knee into another pair. He looked very much the same as he had in high school, with his hair short and his head a little too large for his body. Ears and nose to match. He had unzipped his jacket, and Penny could see the bulge in his stomach. That hadn’t changed either.

“Fantastic scenery.” Penny tried to make light conversation.

“We don’t have much time,” Alfred said.

Time for what? They had plenty of time.

“Look.” Penny braked as a mother grizzly bear and two cubs loped across the road in front of them. The mother ran on three legs, holding the fourth aloft. They disappeared over the cliff at the side of the road.

“We don’t have much time,” Alfred repeated, “so I’ll make this quick. I want you to come with me.”

“Come with you where?”

“Leave Gary and come home with me.”

She must not have heard him correctly. “What did you say?”

“I want you to leave Gary and come home with me. Now. Today.”

He couldn’t be serious. He wasn’t smiling, but she decided to treat it as a joke. She laughed and said, “Alfred. I never knew you had such a sense of humor.”

“I mean it. Gary’s no good for you. I’ll take care of you.”

“All right, joke’s over. I don’t want to hear any more talk like that.”

Penny glanced at Alfred. He was looking at her with his mouth slightly open. After a pause he said, “I’ll protect you from Gary. You don’t have to be afraid of him.”

“I’m not afraid of Gary. Now will you get off this subject?” She was getting mad.

“We had an understanding.”

“What?”

“At the Space Needle. And dinner afterward. Gary is controlling you. With his so-called morals and his domineering nature. I saw it in your eyes. You were appealing to me to help you get away from him.”

“Alfred, you have completely lost what little mind you had. If you say one more word, I’m going to stop this car and dump you out.”

“It’s my car. But before you do anything rash, listen to this.” His voice had suddenly developed a hard edge that Penny had never heard before. “What do you think Gary will do when he finds out that I know you have a mole on your left breast?”

Penny turned to look at him and almost drove off the cliff. She jerked the wheel to turn the car away from the cliff and then had to slam on the brakes to prevent them from driving into the mountain on the other side of the road. She brought the car to a stop and sat there trembling.

“How do you know that?” She immediately realized that it was the wrong thing to say. She was admitting that he was right. How could he know? It must have been a wild guess. She could tell from his wolfish grin that he knew he had scored.

“Remember the party at Joan’s house when we were seniors in high school?”

She shook her head.

“Let me refresh your memory. Halloween night. Everybody went in costume. As I recall, your boyfriend of the moment was off somewhere. You put on quite a show.”

It was coming back. She had long forgotten about that night. Repressed it. She had gone as a cheerleader. Nothing unusual about that since she was a cheerleader at Fenwick High School. Underneath her cheerleader uniform she had worn sexy pink panties, instead of tights, and a pink bra.

It was her secret, and she didn’t really intend to show off her fancy underwear-at least that’s what she told herself-but when the Thunderbird wine started flowing, she became warm-from the wine, the bodies, and a fire in the fireplace. Somebody put marching music on the phonograph-the kind the school band played at football games. That’s when she started doing cheerleading routines. Which made her even warmer.

The boys, who had also been sucking up the wine, started shouting, “Take it off.” She used the heat to rationalize taking off her sweater, evoking more cries. So she took off her skirt. She remembered doing handstands and then going out in the yard and turning cartwheels. She wasn’t certain what happened after that. Alfred must have been at that party-she didn’t remember-but what did he know that she didn’t? How did he find out about the mole on her breast? Penny decided that silence was her best defense.

Horns blew behind her. She was stopped in a traffic lane on the narrow road. Cars were trying to get by. She drove forward, still trembling a little.

“You did a striptease,” Alfred said. “Then you passed out on the lawn.”

She must have passed out because her memory ended at that point. It was definitely out of character for her. It had cost her a boyfriend, although that had been a minor loss. There were plenty of boys aching to go out with her. But what about Gary? She had represented herself to him as an All-American girl. Would this bother him? After all, it had happened seven years ago. Youthful indiscretion.

What had occurred after she passed out? She was afraid to hear what Alfred was going to say next.

“Of course, I wasn’t drinking,” Alfred continued.

Ouch. Puritan Alfred.

“I was looking out for you. I and another guy carried you upstairs and put you on a bed in Joan’s spare room so you’d be safe.”

Uh oh. She definitely didn’t want to hear this. She spotted the green VW stopped at a turnout. She pulled in behind it. This should give her a reprieve for a moment. And time to collect her thoughts.

Gary saw the Ford coming around a curve and breathed a sigh of relief. He had started to worry when he saw that Penny was no longer behind him. He pulled into the first available turnout and waited for several agonizing minutes. Had she lost control of the car and…? He couldn’t bring himself to finish that thought. But he realized how empty life would be without her.

Penny brought the car to a stop and got out. Alfred exited awkwardly from his side. He really was hurting. Maybe it was dangerous for him to drive. Penny walked directly to Gary and gave him a big kiss. That was a nice way to be greeted.

“What happened to you?” Gary’s anxiety made his voice harsher than it should have been.

“I…I thought I had a flat tire. We stopped to check.” Her voice sounded strange.

“It’s dangerous to stop on this road. Let me check the tires.” Gary walked around the Ford. The tires looked fine to him. He went back to Penny. Alfred was a few feet away, looking up at the Garden Wall, a spectacular mountain ridge.

“Is Alfred acting okay?” Gary sensed that Penny was jumpy. He had labeled Alfred as a weirdo from the moment he met him.

“He’s fine,” Penny said, quickly but unconvincingly. “He’s complaining about his aches and pains, but I can handle him.”

“He can ride in the VW with me for a while.”

“It wouldn’t be fair to foist him off on you. He’s my classmate and my problem. I’ll drive him.”

“Your problems are my problems.”

“What I mean is, I don’t want him to bore you. At least he and I can reminisce about the old days.”

Gary wasn’t satisfied. He was about to argue when Penny said, “His legs are really sore. He has to stretch them out. He needs the legroom in the Ford.”

The VW actually had a lot of legroom for such a small car, but Gary didn’t want to start an argument right there, especially in front of Alfred. He decided to accept the situation.

Penny dreaded what was coming next, but she couldn’t let Alfred ride with Gary, at least until she heard how bad Alfred’s story was going to get. He had become a loose cannon. The little convoy started up again, with Gary in the lead. Alfred didn’t say anything at first. Penny decided to wait him out. Maybe he would forget about it. Maybe it was just a bad daydream. She navigated the mountain road slowly and carefully, staying close behind Gary.