George Pelecanos: The Cut

The next day they went to the law office. Van remarked that the furnishings were more lavishly appointed than the last time they had visited, but Donna Monroe ignored him as they walked down the hall to an office that Van now called “the closing area.” Monroe was seven months pregnant and she lowered herself carefully into a chair as they found seats. Her belly swelled beneath her maternity outfit. She pushed a photograph across the table, and Van and Eleni bent forward to have a look.

“You don’t have anything against white babies, do you?” said Monroe.

“We’re color-blind,” said Van.

“Why us?” said Eleni. “There’s gotta be a line out the door for a white infant like this one.”

“Actually, not at the moment,” said Monroe. “The couple who had identified him claimed that he came available too quickly. They weren’t ready. I guess they needed to get the nursery set picked out and delivered first. Or have the artist paint the mural in his room before he could sleep there. What they want is a doll, not a child. No lie.”

“But there must be other couples.”

“None on our list who are uncommitted to other kids. None currently who have completed their home studies. Course, I could put him in foster care for a month or so. But I don’t like to do that.”

“I should say not,” said Eleni, looking at the photo, falling in love.

“Aw, Jesus Christ,” said Van.

“He is handsome,” said Monroe.

“Van,” said Eleni.

They named him Spero and brought him home the next day. Upon entering their house, Eleni took a photograph. When it was developed, it showed Spero still in the car seat, Irene and Dimitrius off to the side, Leonidas with his arm around his new baby brother, Van down on one knee, broadly smiling, and Shilo sniffing at the new arrival in the foreground. Behind them, through the double glass doors of the family room, there was a thick wall of clouds, and though it was midday, a light appeared to wink in the gray sky. Van said it was the camera flash reflected in the glass. Eleni claimed it was a star. She would not tell him what she truly believed: that the light was a kind of eye. That there was something out there, watching them and watching over them, this family of six.

Van blew out the back of the house and raised the roof, and their Sears bungalow replica became something taller, deeper, and architecturally unidentifiable. The days became compressed by activity. Time went quickly and there was laughter in their home and raised voices and sometimes tears, but it was good and they were thankful for all they had. As the years passed, the children grew taller and Van grew heavier. Eleni’s face became pleasantly lined and she noticed the beginnings of turkey neck beneath her chin. Shilo passed and was replaced by a large tan mixed breed they named Cheyenne.

Aside from the usual fights, vandalism, and mild behavior problems at school, all of the children’s lives had been free of serious trouble when they were young. Dimitrius was a skateboarder and video gamer. Leo, as he was known outside his home, played multiple community sports, as did Spero. Irene was into dance, gymnastics, and horseback riding. In Van and Eleni’s eyes, the boys did not seem to have a problem with their adopted status. But they may have been blinded by love. The truth was, they simply felt that these were their children, not their adopted children, and so it was easy for them to deny that in the minds of their sons there could be more complicated feelings swirling in the mix.

In high school, Irene, black haired like her father and lush of figure like her mom, found the influence of her peers stronger than that of her parents, and she began to use pot, alcohol, and speed. She had sex with boys rather indiscriminately. She also kept up her grades and scored high on her SATs. Her crowd was punk in look only, interested in drugs, not music, and did not have the positive, community-activist bent for which the D.C. punk scene was known.

Dimitrius still idolized Irene and trailed in her wake, and because he was black, an outsider in a group of self-proclaimed outsiders, he felt he had to prove himself and did so by being a harder user than his peers. Like any addict, he lied constantly. He stole money and jewelry from his mother, and his grades dropped to failure across the board. His parents set him up with a shrink, but Dimitrius bailed on the appointments until finally, unreasonable and illogical, he announced his intention to drop out of high school and leave home. Van and Eleni pleaded with him to obtain his diploma. They told him that they were there for him. They told him they loved him and had faith in him, and he replied that he didn’t care.

Irene, just as eager to get away from home, was no help. She was accepted to the University of Washington in Seattle and took off after her high school graduation. Dimitrius got his GED and soon followed Irene, promising his parents that he would enroll in Seattle’s community college. They reluctantly agreed, put him on a plane, and staked him in an apartment out there; soon after he was gone they began to lose touch with him, and eventually there was no communication at all. Van flew to Seattle, looking for his son, but the apartment they had rented for Dimitrius was vacant, and the landlord had been given no forwarding address. Irene, now in her sophomore year, claimed to have no knowledge of her brother’s whereabouts, but Van suspected that she was covering for Dimitrius. He drove and walked around Seattle for several days and nights, looking for Dimitrius among the city’s numerous homeless kids, many of whom were drug abusers. He hired a local private detective to continue the search and then, angry and anguished, he flew back to D.C.

In their home the night of his return, Van and Eleni discussed the situation. Eleni was not happy with the turn of events, but she was less emotional than Van and told him they needed to concentrate on the children who still lived with them. She noted truthfully that the house was more settled since Irene and Dimitrius had left, and probably a better atmosphere for Leonidas and Spero, and Van had to agree.

“But it shouldn’t have happened like this,” said Van.

“Irene’s always gone her own way,” said Eleni. “Her independence is going to serve her well as an adult.”

“I’m not worried about Irene. It’s Dimitrius. He’s lost.”

“We’ll find him.”

A week later, the detective, Paul Garner, phoned Van.

“I located your son,” said Garner. “He’s staying in a warehouse with a bunch of kids near the university. Living hand to mouth, but he’s under a roof.”

“Living how?”

“You want it unvarnished?”

“Of course.”

“The drug of choice out here for a certain kind of kid is meth. I went to that area near U of W first because that’s where a lot of the users are concentrated. Showed around the photograph you gave me, and when I put some cash on top of it I got the information I needed.”

“How do you know he’s using?”

“Because I live here. He had the complexion and the look. His teeth are brown. He had the rank smell they get from all that perspiration.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“Yes.”

“Well, what did he say?”

“He said that he was fine. He doesn’t want detox and he doesn’t want to come home. Most of ’em think the same way: They’re fine. I told him that his father had hired me to find him.”

“And?”

“Mr. Lucas-”

“Tell me.”

Garner cleared his throat. “He said he didn’t have a father.”

“God,” said Van uselessly.

“Sorry. I really am. Y’know, after I divorced his mother, my son cut off contact with me, too. If it’s any consolation…”