Lawrence Sanders - Tenth Commandment

This was obviously not the formal living room; more like a family room or sitting room. It was impossible to make a chamber of that size cosy or intimate, but the decorator had tried by placing chairs and tables in groups. He only succeeded in making the place look like the card-room of a popular club. But it was cheerful enough, with bright colours, flower prints on the walls, and what to my untrained eye appeared to be an original Cezanne over the mantel.

There were two people in this cavern. As I walked towards them, the man rose to his feet, the woman remained seated, fitting a cigarette into a gold holder.

I repeated my name and those of my employers. The man shook my hand, a firm, dry grip.

'Mr Bigg,' he said. 'A pleasure. I am Godfrey Knurr.

This lady is Mrs Kipper.'

I set the briefcase I had been lugging all day on the floor and moved forward to light her cigarette.

'Ma'am,' I murmured, 'I'm happy to meet you.'

'Thank you,' she said, holding out a slender white hand.

'Won't you sit down, Mr Bigg? No, not there. That's Godfrey's chair.'

'Oh, Tippi,' he said in a bright, laughing voice. 'Any chair will do. I think there are enough of them.'

But I didn't take his chair. I selected one closer to the small fire in the grate and so positioned that I could look at both of them without turning.

'What a beautiful home you have, Mrs Kipper,' I said.

'Breathtaking.'

'More like Grand Central Station,' Knurr said in his ironic way. Then he said exactly what Perce Stilton had said: 'A terrible waste of space.'

Mrs Kipper made a sound, a short laugh that was almost a bark.

'You see, Mr Bigg,' she said, 'Mr Knurr is a minister, the Reverend Godfrey Knurr. He does a great deal of work with the poor, and he's hinted several times that it would be an act of Christian charity if I allowed a mob of his ragamuffins to live in my lovely home.'

'Beginning with me,' Knurr said solemnly, and they both laughed. I smiled politely.

'Ma'am,' I said, 'I hope you'll pardon me for not phoning in advance, but I was in the neighbourhood on other company business and took the chance of calling on you. If you wish to confirm that I am who I claim to be, I suggest you phone Mr Tabatchnick.'

'Oh, I don't think that will be necessary,' she said lazily.

'How is dear Leonard?'

'Leopold, ma'am. In good health. Busy as ever.'

'With that odd hobby of his? What is it — postage stamps or breeding Yorkies or something?'

'Tropical fish, ma'am,' I said, passing her tests.

'Of course,' she said. 'Tropical fish. What a strange hobby for an attorney. You'd think he would prefer more energetic pets.'

'Some of them are quite aggressive, Mrs Kipper.

Belligerent, in fact.'

I was conscious of the Reverend Knurr regarding me narrowly, as if he were wondering if my words implied more than they meant. I hadn't intended them to, of course. I am not that devious.

'Well,' Mrs Kipper said, 'I'm sure you didn't call to discuss Mr Tabatchnick's fish. Just why are you here, Mr Bigg?'

'It concerns your late husband's estate, ma'am,' I said, and glanced towards Godfrey Knurr.

'Tippi, would you prefer I not be present?' he asked. 'If it's something confidential — family matters — I can adjourn to the kitchen and gossip with Chester and Perdita for a while.'

'Nonsense,' she said. 'I'm sure it's nothing you shouldn't hear. Mr Bigg, Godfrey has been a close friend for many years, and has been a great help since my husband's death. You may speak freely in front of him.'

'Yes, ma'am,' I said submissively. 'There is nothing confidential about it. At present, your attorneys are engaged in striking a tentative total value for your late husband's estate. This includes stocks, bonds, miscellaneous investments, personal property, and so forth. The purpose of this is for filing with the proper Federal and State authorities for computation of the estate tax.'

'Godfrey?' she asked, looking to him.

'Yes,' he said, 'that's correct. Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's. In this case, Tippi, I'm afraid you're going to be unpleasantly surprised by what Caesar demands.'

'Well, we'd like our computation of assets to be as accurate as possible,' I continued. 'It sometimes happens that the IRS and State Tax Bureau make estimates of the value of an estate that are, uh, in variance with those of the attorneys submitting the will to probate.'

'You mean they're higher,' Pastor Knurr said with his rueful laugh.

'Frequently,' I agreed. 'Naturally, as the attorneys of record, we hope to keep estate taxes to their legal minimum. I have been assigned the task of determining the value of this home, its furnishings, and your late husband's personal possessions.'

Knurr settled back in his armchair. He took a pipe and tobacco pouch from the side pocket of his jacket. He began to pack the pipe bowl, poking the tobacco down with a blunt forefinger.

'This is interesting,' he said. 'How do you determine the value of a house like this, Mr Bigg?'

That one was easy.

'Current market value,' I said promptly. 'How much you could expect to receive if it was put up for sale. Other factors would be the current property tax assessment and comparison with the value of other houses in the neighbourhood. When it comes to furnishings, things get a little more complicated. We would like to base our evaluation on the original purchase cost, minus depreciation — to keep the total value as low as possible, you understand — but the IRS usually insists on replacement value. And that, in these inflationary times, can sometimes be much more than the original cost.'

'I should think so,' Mrs Kipper said sharply. 'Why, some of my beautiful things couldn't be bought for double what I paid for them. And some simply can't be replaced at any price.'

'Tippi,' Knurr said, lighting his pipe with deep drags,

'don't tell the tax people that! '

I paused, looking at him, while he got his pipe evenly lighted to his satisfaction. He used three matches in the process. His tobacco smoke smelled of fruit and wine.

The Reverend Godfrey Knurr was a few inches short of six feet. He was a stalwart man, bulging the shoulders and sleeves of his hairy tweed jacket. He wore grey flannel slacks and oxblood moccasins. A checked gingham shirt was worn without a tie, but buttoned all the way up. Still, it revealed a strong, corded neck. He had square hands with short fingers.

His hair and beard were slate-coloured. The beard was not full; it was moustache and chin covering, cut straight across at the bottom. It was trimmed carefully around full, almost rosy lips. He had steady, brown, no-nonsense eyes, and a nose that was slightly bent. It was not a conventionally handsome face, but attractive in a craggy, masculine way. A lived-in-face. His age, I estimated, was in the early forties, which would make him about ten years younger than Mrs Kipper. He moved well, almost athletically, and had an erect carriage and forceful gestures.

I turned my attention back to the widow.

'My assignment,' I said, 'will necessitate my taking a complete inventory of the furnishings, I'm afraid. I don't expect to do that today, of course. It may take several days, I'll do my best not to inconvenience you, ma'am, and I'll try to be as unobtrusive as possible while I'm here.

Today, I hope merely to make a preliminary survey, count the number of rooms, and plan how best to proceed with the inventory. Is that acceptable to you, Mrs Kipper?'

'Damn!' she said fretfully. 'I wish this was all over with.'

She took another cigarette from a porcelain box on the table beside her. I sprang to my feet and rushed to light it.

'Thank you,' she said, looking at me amusedly. 'You're very polite. You don't smoke?'

'No, ma'am.'