Paul Levine - Kill All the Lawyers

But sometimes, all notions of decency and humanity give way to something else. Call it revenge or justice or maybe just certainty. The certainty that Bill Kreeger would never ever again hurt anyone. Or was that overly complicated? Was the explanation simply hard-wired into our DNA by millions of years of evolution? Maybe all of us carry the fingerprints of the homicidal animals who came before us.

Threaten me or mine, I will kill you. Yes, I will. Even a normally mild-mannered, semi-law-abiding officer of the court like me will kill you dead.

Kreeger would appreciate that explanation, Steve thought. Proving his thesis right after all these years.

A powerful swell lifted Kreeger, nearly catapulting him out of the water. Down he came, his head slipping underwater. Then, another lift, another slide, this one bringing him closer to the boat. Again, Kreeger grabbed for the gaff. Again, he missed. He shouted something drowned out by the wind's roar. Another wave carried him closer to the stern. Steve held the gaff; Kreeger reached for it; and suddenly, Steve pulled it away. He hadn't planned on doing it. The motion was involuntary, his body not willing to follow his brain's instructions, not willing to save the bastard.

Kreeger swam toward the boat, yelling something. Steve could only make out a single word.

"Just. ."

The rest was lost in the wind.

Kreeger came closer, reached for the dive platform, shouted again.

"Just like. ."

What was he saying?

Bracing himself on the slippery deck, Steve drew the gaff back with two hands until it was poised over one shoulder. A batter with his Louisville Slugger.

"Just like me!" Kreeger yelled over the wind. "You're just like me!"

Steve swung the gaff as hard as he could, rotating his hips for power. The flat side of the steel hook hit Kreeger squarely across the temple with a shock Steve felt in both arms. A shuddering impact, like driving the ball up the middle.

Kreeger's head snapped to the side and stayed there, his neck at an unnatural angle. A wave hit, swirling him in white foam, spinning him around, and dragging him beneath the cold, gray sea.

SOLOMON'S LAWS

12. When you cut through all the bullshit of career, status, and money, at the end of the day all that matters is love and family.

Steve lay on his back on a rickety raft that rose and fell with the waves. In the distance, lightning illuminated a shroud of fat silvery clouds, and a thunderclap smacked the water. Steve felt the raft pitch and roll, even as he realized he was home in bed. Painkillers will do that.

"God bless codeine."

He had said that to Bobby. Just a few hours ago. Or was it a few years? He didn't know how long he'd been in bed.

"God bless codeine," Bobby had repeated. "BEDSIDE NOSE CLOG."

Steve had laughed, stinging his lip where the stitches pulled at the skin.

"Everyone at school says you're a total mad dawg," Bobby had said.

"If that's a good thing, tell them thanks."

"You're the best, Uncle Steve."

The boy had smiled. They'd pounded knuckles. Bobby doing all the pounding. Steve couldn't lift his arm from the bedsheet. Still, when he saw the boy's grin, he felt he'd won the Nobel Prize for parenting.

A doctor who had once been a client stopped by. Or was he a client who had once been a doctor? Steve's brain was fuzzy. The doc said something about a hairline fracture of the zygomatic bone.

"The zygomatic?" Steve asked. "The machine that chops vegetables?"

"The cheekbone," the doctor explained.

Steve remembered now. He had defended the doctor in a couple of malpractice cases. Lost them both.

There was some sinus damage, too, the sawbones told him. Steve could expect his eyes to tear up unexpectedly. No big deal. That should go away.

"And if it doesn't?" Steve asked.

"Sue me," the doc said.

Crying wasn't so bad, Steve thought. Might be able to use it in closing argument sometime. Then there were the dozen stitches in his fat lip. Plus torn cartilage in both knees. Ice, anti-inflammatories, and rest.

"Don't worry, Steve. You'll be playing eighteen holes in no time."

"Great, Doc, because I've never played one hole my entire life."

Now he was cold. Both knees were wrapped in ice. On the bedside table were a variety of pill bottles, a pitcher of water, and the local section of the Miami Herald. A headline blared: "Lawyer Rescues Kidnapped Girl." He would check out the story later. Steve was reasonably certain that it would be more favorable than his last brush with celebrity, an item in Joan Fleischman's column headlined: "Lawyer Jailed Again."

He heard a pounding. Was it in his head? A dull thud, then a crack, like wood splintering.

Myron Goldberg and Eva Munoz-Goldberg came by. Myron had Steve open his mouth. Complimented his flossing and advised him to get that chipped tooth crowned. Eva gave Steve a deep dish of caramel flan she had baked. He ate it through a straw. Myron said they were dropping the assault-and-battery case, and Steve thanked him as he slurped up the sweet dessert. Eva patted his arm and said he was as brave as Maximo Gomez and Jose Marti.

Apparently, Maria had told her parents how Steve saved her life. How after Dr. Bill went overboard, Steve came to get her, even though he could barely walk and his face was swollen and bleeding. How he climbed the ladder to the bridge, dragging the chunk of concrete on his feet, moaning in pain. How he brought the boat back, banging into the seawall at the Coast Guard station on Miami Beach, then passing out. Steve was glad Maria told her parents all these things, because he couldn't remember any of it.

"Maria says you're a superhero," Eva told him.

"How's she doing?" Steve asked.

"Better than we could have hoped," Myron said.

"Bien," Eva said. "She's with Bobby right now. Studying."

"I'll bet," Steve said.

"He's a fine young man," Myron allowed.

"Of course he is," Eva added. "He's had good training." Then she reached down and stroked Steve's cheek. "Eres un melocoton en almibar."

Steve wasn't sure, but he thought she'd just called him a peach in syrup. Sweet. Suddenly, he felt a tear tracking down his cheek, then another. Then a torrent.

"You wonderful man," Eva said, her own eyes welling.

Steve decided not to mention his sinus problem.

Cece Santiago came by as the Goldbergs were leaving. The office phones had been ringing all day, she reported, people calling to congratulate him. No new clients yet. There probably wouldn't be. The newspaper story made it sound as if he were on his deathbed. Cece could only stay a minute. She had a meeting with her probation officer. Translation: another wrestling match with Arnold Freskin. And by the way, Arnie already asked Pincher to drop the charges. With both assault-and-battery cases dismissed, Steve wondered if he had any legal work to do.

He dozed for a while and dreamed his raft was sinking. He awoke to find his sister sitting on the edge of his bed, the soft mattress listing to starboard.

"Hey, Stevie. How you feeling?"

"Terrific. I'm starting to understand what you like about narcotics."

"Reminds me, bro. I got a job. Drug counselor over in Tampa."

"Great."

"As for the other stuff, filing for custody of Bobby, my lawyer says I'd be a fool to do it now. You're like a celebrity or something. Plus, I need the job so I can look good in front of the judge when I come back."

"No hurry, Jan."

She studied him a second. "Are you crying, bro?"

"Sinuses," he said.

He dozed off again to the sound of an electrical band saw. Either that, or a million bees were buzzing away in the living room. He awoke and found Irene Lord in the bedroom, running an index finger over the nightstand.