Scott Sherman - First You Fall

Michael refused to look at us at al.

So far, it was going fabulously.

Freddy and I sat, too.

Freddy looked at Michael and kicked me under the table. “Who’s the hunky one?” he whispered.

I kicked him back harder. “Shhhh!”

Freddy stuck his chin out at Alana and Paul.

“They’re whispering!” he whined.

“I thought you were going to behave yourself,” I hissed.

A door opened at the far end of the office. A tal black woman with strong features and a bald head walked through it. She was impeccably dressed in a man-tailored black suit with a white silk blouse underneath. Two-inch heels provided a percussive accompaniment to her confident stride and increased her already impressive stature.

“Thank you al for coming,” she began, sitting down at the end of the table nearest the Harrington family. “I’m Tamela Steel, Mr. Harrington’s attorney.”

Freddy elbowed me. “ Get Christie Love,” he stage whispered.

Ms. Steel looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

Freddy straightened up in his chair.

“The purpose of our meeting today is to go over the bequests of Mr. Harrington’s wil. Mr. Harrington left specific instructions…”

Paul Harrington interrupted her. “Excuse me, Miss, um, Beals, but is this real y necessary?” He spoke in an irritated, above-it-al sigh. “I’m sure you could handle the disposition of my father’s estate in a more appropriate manner. I don’t know why we have to hear about it in front of” he waved his hand at the four of us who weren’t part of his family “these people.”

The look the lawyer gave him could have melted a brick. “It’s Ms. Steel. And as I was saying, Mr.

Harrington left specific instructions as to how he wanted his wishes conveyed. Everyone in this room is here at his request.”

She leaned forward, getting in Paul’s face. “His last request. I trust you have no problem honoring your father’s last request, Mr. Harrington?”

I never heard anyone harrumph before, but I suppose that was the noise that escaped from Paul’s lips.

“Hey,” Freddy whispered, “did that guy just fart out of his mouth?”

“If there are no more interruptions, then,” Ms. Steel continued, “some time ago, Mr. Harrington taped a video to be played for you al in the event of his death.”

She pressed a button under the table, and a thin, fifty-inch plasma screen descended from the ceiling.

The lights automatical y dimmed and a quiet popping sound signaled the presence of hidden speakers in the wal.

“Cool,” Freddy said aloud. Ms. Steel tried to give him a dirty look, but she couldn’t help smiling. Like I said, Freddy has that way with people.

Although not, I couldn’t help but notice, with the Harringtons. Paul harrumphed again, and Alana looked like she wanted to strangle Freddy with the strap of her Louis Vuitton bag.

The screen came on and there, suddenly, bigger than life, was the understandably serious face of Al en Harrington.

“Thank you for coming,” the familiar voice said. I felt a chil down the back of my neck. “Trust me, I have never been more honest than when I say I only wish I could be there with you today.”

The skinny woman I didn’t know laughed aloud and then, embarrassed, covered her mouth. Her companion, though, took a sharp breath and started to quietly sob. The skinny one put her arm around her. Opposites attract, I thought.

I saw Paul Harrington staring at me, but I wouldn’t return his gaze. Although I did wonder why he was looking at me when his father’s last appearance was playing on a screen a few feet away.

“I’m sure this videotape may seem a bit dramatic to you, but every time I tried to write this down, I found myself uncharacteristical y at a loss for words.

So, I thought, why not just tape the damn thing and be done with it?

“First, I’d like to address my sons. Michael, Paul.

What can I say? I can stil remember the day each of you was born; they were among the happiest of my life. For so many years, watching you grow up was what gave shape and meaning to my existence. As hard as I worked, I always believed it was for you, my boys, the lights of my life.

“But you can’t let anyone, even your children, become your life. And for a long time that’s what I did, ignoring parts of myself that I was afraid would take me away from you. Denying the things my soul craved, denying my heart.

“But the heart can only be denied for so long.

“By the time I was ready to face the truth, I was almost dead inside. But I wanted to wait until I thought you boys could deal with my being gay. I wanted to believe that we could stil be a family.”

Al en’s expression turned sad.

“But I was wrong.

“While you were children, I could forgive you. But now you are men, and stil your minds are closed. As are your hearts. I’ve reached out to you both over the years, but each time I’ve been rebuffed.

“What you are doing, Michael, makes me especial y sad.”

I made a mental note-what was Michael doing?

“Stil, I have provided for each of you in my wil.”

I looked at the Harrington boys. Paul’s sudden smile made me think of a vulture finding a particularly tasty corpse on the road. Alana clenched her fist and nodded as if to say “yes!”

Michael stayed stoic.

“Oh, not as much as I could have. And not as much as I know you’re hoping for. But enough for me to go to my grave knowing I did the right thing.

“Even if my boys didn’t.

“Now, to my dear friend Kevin.”

I could feel al the eyes in the room fal on me.

“Kevin, you have refused the gifts I’ve offered you over the years. But what you didn’t know is that I’ve been taking the money I wanted to give you and investing it on your behalf.

“And, if you don’t mind my saying so, if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s investing.”

Al en smiled.

“You’ve always told me that you wanted to earn enough money to put yourself through school. Wel, now you’l find that you have more than enough to fol ow that dream. And maybe even take a nice vacation before you enrol.

“Maybe you can take that friend Freddy you’re always going on about. I’ve got a feeling you two are going to be spending a lot of time together.”

Freddy looked at me in surprise. I tried not to notice. Had I led Al en to think that my feelings for Freddy extended beyond friendship?

Did they?

And what was Al en’s inheritance going to mean in my life? Had my world just changed? Again?

Al en continued. “Kevin, I thank you for your companionship. Although my own boys wouldn’t let me be a part of their lives, you were like a son to me.

Now, go and make me proud.”

Alana turned to Paul. “Oh, please.” He harrumphed in response.

“You real y should see a doctor about that noise you keep making,” Freddy said with mock sincerity.

“Shhh,” Ms. Steel said, barely suppressing a grin.

“The bulk of my estate,” Al en said “I leave to the Association for the Acceptance of Lesbian and Gay Youth.” The two women I didn’t know gasped and clutched each other. The heavier one blushed furiously.

“Lori, May, I believe you have the opportunity to do something wonderful with your work. I only hope that through your contributions you can help ensure that other young people don’t have to face the repression and isolation I felt for so much of my life. I’m so glad I can help you begin your journey.”

“Lastly, a message to my sons. Wel, my biological ones, that is.

“You’ve wasted a lot of your lives on negative emotions. But it’s not too late for you to change.

Anger is the only poison in the world that kil s both the giver and the receiver.