James Chase - Lady—Here's Your Wreath

Ackie let go of Blondie and went over to have a drink. “You’re right, Bud,” he said after a long pull. “But you gotta look at it like this. It’s an act of decency.” Ackie was pretty high.

“Come on then. Let’s get her dressed.”

I got hold of Blondie and stood her up against the wall. I put one foot against the toes of her shoes to prevent her feet sliding and I held her under the arms. Her eyes kept meeting mine, and it gave me the heebies.

Ackie fastened the step-ins round her waist. He was sweating, but stuck to it. We sat her on the bed and put the slip over her head, then we stood her up to adjust it and she slipped out of my hands. She went down on the floor with a crash.

Ackie took off his hat and fanned himself with it. “You didn’t do that on purpose?” he asked, looking at me suspiciously.

“I bent down and got Blondie on the bed again. I was feeling bad. “Come on… come on…” I said, “Get her dress on, for Pete’s sake.”

We got her dress on. It was the worst job of the lot. Neither of us liked to handle the sticky front, and Blondie had a couple more falls before we were through.

Ackie said seriously: “Do you mind if I cat in your bathroom?”

I said: “Have a drink instead. You got too much liquor inside you to waste.”

We had a couple more drinks, but they didn’t do much good. Ackie got her hat and put it on her head. He pulled it down hard, so that it hid the glassy look in her eyes. He stood looking down at her. “I guess she looks okay now,” he said, scratching his head.

“I’ll be glad when we’ve got her out of here.”

Ackie nodded. “I guess we’ll get goin’ right away. I bet you evens she stiffens on us before we get her there.”

“I’ve had enough grief for one night. I ain’t taking bets with you.”

“Well, let’s go.”

We sat Blondie up and adjusted the short fox-fur cape over her shoulders that we had found with her clothes. It hid the bloodstains all right.

Ackie said quickly: “You’ll have to carry her… she’s too heavy for me.”

I put my arm round her waist and the other arm under her knees and lifted her off the bed. Make no mistake about it, that dame was heavy.

Ackie said: “Don’t be standoffish, madam, put your arm round his neck.”

I said: “If you don’t cut that line right out, I ain’t goin’.”

Ackie robbed his hand over his face. “Jeeze, if I don’t make a joke of it. I’ll go nuts.”

Well, go nuts, but cut that line out.”

Going downstairs I nearly dropped her. Her arm banged against the wall and came up round my neck. I said: “For Pete’s sake, Mo, take her arm away.” My teeth began to rattle in my head.

Ackie was coming down behind me. He had brought the bottle of Scotch, and every step down he took a quick drag at the bottle. He was getting cock-eyed as hell. I put Blondie down on a chair and took the bottle away from him. “Listen, you punk,” I said evenly, “you’re supposed to be helpin’ me. Will you get a grip on yourself an’ help?”

“Sure,” he said, “sure… you don’t have to worry.”

Blondie suddenly stretched out her legs and began to slide off the chair. We both stood staring at her, unable to move. Ackie said, in a quavering voice: “I don’t think I’m goin’ to stand a lot of this.”

Blondie sat down on the floor with a little bump and then flopped on her side. Her hat came off and one of her shoes.

Ackie sat on the stairs and hid his face. “I think I’ll commit suicide,” he said.

When I straightened her out I found her muscles were hardening. “Quick, Mo,” I said, “she’s gettin’ stiff.”

Ackie got up and gave me her hat. “Maybe she’ll be easier to handle that way,” he said hopefully.

I crammed, the hat on her head again. “Get hold of her knees… we’ll never get her into the car.”

We carried her out into the dark night. I could only hear Ackie’s heavy breathing and the sound of our feet crunching on the gravel. Overhead, the sky looked stormy. Big clouds raced across the face of the moon.

The car was a big six-seater, but it took us all our time getting her in. We got her fixed at last in the corner of the seat. In the dim light of the roof-lamp she looked good. No one would have known that she was dead.

Ackie said: “That’s a swell job.”

“You stay here… I’ve got to get her shoe.”

“If you think I’m staying out with her alone you’re barmy,” he said with great feeling. “We’ll do this together or not at all.”

We turned out the light inside the car and went back inside the lodge.

“Before we go we’d better clean up this mess,” I said.

We did that. When we were through we had another drink and then turned out the lights and went out to the car.

“We’ll toss who drives,” I said.

I won.

Ackie began to get in beside me. “You get in the back… that’s why we tossed,” I said. “You see she doesn’t fall over.”

“And I called you a pal of mine,” Ackie said. He stood hesitating, then he finally made up his mind. He opened the door and got in. “Now be a good girl,” he said to Blondie.

I engaged the gear and rolled the car down the drive.

Ackie said after a while: “She’s sitting as quiet as quiet. I guess I could come on in the front.”

“You stay right there.”

“Listen, Bud, if I’ve gotta stay here I’ve got to have a drink. There’s a pint just by your hand… pass it over.”

I groped around in the dashboard cupboard and found a bottle. I passed it over to him.

“You ain’t got much gas,” I said, looking at the gauge. “That’s careless of you, Mo. I shall have to stop and get some.”

Ackie didn’t say anything for a minute… I guessed he was giving himself a shot. Then he said: “That’s your funeral, Bud, me an’ the girl friend’ll leave all that to you.”

I said: “For Pete’s sake keep as sober as you can.”

“If you were right here, you’d try an’ get as tight as a tick… that’s what keeps me from goin’ crackers. How’d you like to be sitting next to a corpse? She’s looking at me all the time. I’m tellin’ you, this dame just can’t see enough of me. It’s givin’ me the heebies.”

“Aw, shut up,” I said, and concentrated on the dark road. After a little while Ackie began to sing. I couldn’t stand that. I took my foot off the gas-pedal and stamped on the brake. I twisted round in the seat. “For suffering in silence,” I said, “will you lay off it?”

“She likes it,” Ackie said. “You ask her an’ see.”

I switched on the light inside the car. Ackie was crouched up on the far side away from Blondie, his face the colour of a fish’s belly and his eyes popping. I reached out a hand and took the bottle away from him. He’d been working on it. There was only just one small drink left, and I had it. I tossed the bottle off the road.

“Take it easy,” I said; “for Pete’s sake take it easy.”

“Sure… you just go on… we’re fine here. I tell you we’re fine.”

I started the car rolling again. The gas was getting low and I couldn’t risk running out on a well-lit road. I’d have to take some on board at the nearest hick station.

I didn’t have to go far before I sighted one. I slowed down.

“I’ve got to pull in for some gas,” I said. “Keep quiet an’ don’t start anything.”

“Start anything? Don’t make me laugh. Blondie an’ me are playin’ at graves.”

I wished Ackie had kept away from the bottle. In this state he was likely to land us all in a jam. When I thought of Blondie sitting right behind me, I sweated some.

I swung the big car into the narrow station and killed the engine. An old guy came out with a goatee beard. So that he didn’t get too close to the car I stepped out.