Tom Schreck - Out Cold

"It's if they all live in the same house," Rocco said.

"It doesn't have to be in the same house," Jerry Number One said.

"Hold it-you're saying if a bunch of women live together they have the same periods?" TC said.

"They don't have to be in the same house; it could be in the same office," Jerry Number One said.

"What about the Ladies Auxiliary of the Knights of Columbus? Could they all have the same period?" Jerry Number Two said. He wore a T-shirt that said "AA is for quitters."

"It has to be in the same house. Period!" Rocco said.

"I think the Knightettes are long past their periods," TC said.

"The change?" Jerry Number one said.

"I don't got any change. I left it for AJ," TC said.

"No. I'm talking about the hot flashes, the irritableness, and the puffiness," Jerry Number One said.

"I don't think they get puffy. I think that's part of it; they don't puff up any more," TC said.

"Maybe they just get a little puffy," Jerry Number two said.

"The Ladies' Auxiliary is more than a little puffy, especially Marcia the lady who makes the sausage and peppers at field day," Rocco said.

"You know if we were all women we'd probably have the same period," Jerry Number One said.

The group just stared at him.

I created a happy diversion for Rocco.

"Hey, Duffy what's new?" he said.

"I'm puffy and irritable from my period. You guys got it too?" I said.

"I got your period right here!" Rocco said.

"See…" Jerry Number One said.

"That's it. No more talk on this subject. It's over, period, end of sentence," Rocco said.

"I've heard during menopause there's some confusion and indecision," Jerry Number Two said.

Fortunately for Rocco and his puffiness the news came on.

"Today, in Chicago four Pakistani nationals were arrested. In their possession they had six 100-gallon drums of an unspecified biological poison. It is believed the men's intended on poisoning the Chicago water supply…"

The group sat quietly with their attention on the corner television. The 'bio-terrorism' expert was now on the split screen with the anchor.

"…this type of bio terrorism is particularly heinous in that even small amounts would rapidly poison thousands of citizens. It is believed the drums were transported into the country through Niagara Falls, Canada, hidden with a truckload of drums of industrial cleaner. This once again points out how vulnerable we are, as a people, to the terrorist organizations of the world…"

" What the hell was in that shit?" Rocco said to no one in particular.

"Nothin' good," TC said.

"Unless they've come up with something new it's probably stuff like Ebola, botulism, or maybe some sort of liquefied Anthrax," Jerry Number Two said. "The problem with those things is they don't keep and I'm not sure how effective they would be liquefied and dispersed into the drinking water."

"It's effective enough to scare the living shit out of everyone," Jerry Number One said.

"Maybe that's enough," Jerry Number Two said.

"Whatyamean, Jer?" I said.

"Well, what do the terrorists really want to accomplish?

Sure, if they could, they would annihilate us from the earth, but, despite all the bogeyman stuff, it's not as easy as it sounds," Jerry Number Two said. "So, what's the next best thing?"

"Scaring the living shit out of us?" I said.

"Exactly. John Q. Public now has to worry about getting on airplanes, drinking water, going to the mall. It's not annihilation, but it does fuck things up in every day life."

"I got a client who believes it's all bullshit started by our own government to keep our minds off all the other shit," I said.

"Whoa? What kind of nonsense is that?" Rocco said.

"The government would pour shit in the drinking water?

That's a little nutty Duff," TC said.

"Well, Duff's client isn't the only one who believes this kind of stuff," Jerry Number Two said.

"Here we go. Let's hear it professor," Rocco said.

"We just heard about a nasty-scary-bogeyman-type terrorist plot and we're all talking about, it and we're all a little uneasy," Jerry Number Two said.

"Yeah, so?" Jerry Number one said.

"What aren't we talking about today?" Jerry Number Two said.

"Huh?" TC said.

"Exactly!" Jerry Number Two said.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Rocco said.

"Let's see, we're not talking about the trillions the Senate approved for the defense department today, or the six American soldiers died in Korea yesterday, or the Supreme Court upheld some more of the Patriot Act," Jerry paused for effect. "Why?

Because we're all scared to death about a terrorist act that didn't quite happen at the hands of some scary people of Arab origin," he said.

"The Arabs are scary," TC said.

"Sometimes, but they're not the only people doing scary things. In World War Two it we had the Japanese, then the Koreans, then Vietnamese. Why? They look different than us. It makes it easy to dehumanize them," Jerry said.

"But Jerry, they got six Arabs with poison in drums. Isn't that the truth?" I said.

"Does it raise any questions they got caught right before they did anything? These guys were smart enough to get this shit in the country, yet they're stupid enough to get caught right before they execute their plan?" Jerry Number Two said.

"Good Homeland Security caught them," Jerry Number One said.

"Maybe," Jerry Number Two said. "Or, it was all set up so we could argue about this and not the other stuff that happened today, or yesterday, or what will happen tomorrow," Jerry said.

"This is some nutty bullshit," Rocco said.

"You might be right, Rocco. But how come we keep having these near misses of terrorism every 60 to 90 days right around the time there's growing dissatisfaction with our military involvement, our defense budget, or something similar?" Jerry Number Two said.

"Are you saying the government could be actually doing this?" I said.

"I'm saying there's evidence to supports that. It's not all the evidence supports, but it is one explanation," Jerry Number Two said.

Rudy came in through the front door. His underarm stains formed concentric circles down his dark blue shirt. I wondered if you could empirically measure his age by counting the circles like you could on a tree stump. It was far too disgusting to ponder. The group exchanged 'Hello's' with Rudy, and AJ slid a Hennessey in front of him.

"Your whack job buddy gets out tomorrow night," Rudy said.

"How's he's doing?" I said.

"Well, he insists on wearing his Redskins helmet and he wants most of the monitors turned off so they don't emit mind erasing gamma rays or something. All in all, he sounds better to me."

"Yeah, sounds like Karl is back to himself. Is anyone coming to pick him up?"

"I don't know. Who were you thinking, Sonny Jorgenson, Billy Kilmer or Doug Williams or one of the other retired

'Skins?"

"I'll get him. One thing about Karl is he's never boring."

"Sure, it's probably because you're a double agent. Anyway, they're going to discharge him tomorrow night, so they can bill Medicaid for another half a day." Rudy slurped his Hennessey, which kind of neutralized the upscale image of the cognac. I gotta believe the folks back at the Cognac distillery would wince if they knew Rudy was drinking their product in public.

"Hey, I almost forgot. How's the party plans going?"

"The pool's almost in; I got a caterer and some sort of string quartet. It's costing me a month's pay."

"All this to get Maria back?"

"Yeah. Sad isn't it? I had my shot and I blew it for this goddamn job. No offense, kid, but hangin' out here with you and the brain trust isn't exactly how I want to spend my golden years." He slurped again.