William Kienzle - Requiem for Moses

“Our ethics prof spelled it all out: It’s wrong. It’s an occasion of sin. We aren’t supposed to do it.”

“Then don’t do it.” Green wished she would go away. He barely heard what she was saying. This was the reason he so seldom spent quality time with his family. He hated his family. He related to his family only insofar as the individual members could serve his purposes. But, then, that was how he related to everyone.

“I can’t not do it,” Judith whined. “You’re making me do it.”

“Do what?”

“Date steady. Steady date.”

“I’m making you do that!? I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Don’t you have homework to do?”

“I did it. When Mother said you’d be home for dinner, I didn’t believe her. But just in case you did come home, I got my homework done early. So, now I got to talk to you. Daddy! I’m talking to you.”

“I’m painfully aware of that. Why don’t you go play? Play with David. What are brothers and sisters for?”

“David is a schlemiel! Besides, this is important. I talked to my ethics teacher and he says you are putting me in the near occasion of mortal sin.”

“Then don’t do that.”

“What?”

“What your teacher told you not to do.”

“Daddy! It’s not my fault.”

“Good. It’s somebody else’s fault.”

“Yours!”

“That’s nice.”

“Daddy, you’re making me go out with Morris. All the time!”

“Morris!” Green crushed the paper between his hands. “Morris! What about Morris?”

Morris played a long-range part in one of Green’s schemes. Judith’s mention of the name captured his attention.

“You’re making me go out with Morris all the time. I have to dance with him at all the sock hops. When we have vacations, it’s always Morris, Morris, Morris!”

“Morris is a good kid. What’s the matter with you? He’s your cousin, for God’s sake.”

“That’s another thing: He’s my cousin!”

“He shouldn’t be your cousin? It’s good he’s your cousin. Keeps it all in the family.” He looked up as Margie entered the room and stood by the fireplace.

“We’re supposed to date lots of boys. We’re supposed to-um-play the field. If we don’t get enough experience from a lot of different people, we won’t develop a mature personality.”

“Your personality is fine.”

“And”-Judith continued to talk through her father’s comment-“if we only date one fellow we will be committing serious sins. Because steady dating is like an engagement. Engagements naturally lead to marriage. And steady dating leads to sins. Sins of the flesh!”

Moe chuckled. “Morris still feeling you up?”

“Not much. Last time he tried that I decked him!”

“See? That’s my girl.” Moe was grinning. “You won’t commit any sins … except maybe murder.”

“You should take her seriously, Moe,” Margie said.

“Not you, too!” He tossed the crumpled newspaper in the general direction of the fireplace.

“ Daddy …” Judith valued her mother’s intervention, but would have preferred that it come a bit later. Judy had a few rounds left to fire. “What’s the point of it? It’s not like we’re going to get married!”

Green’s squint focused directly into his daughter’s eyes. “And what would be so fatal about that?”

“Daddy!” Judith almost shrieked.

“Leave the room for a little while, darling,” Margie said. “Mother wants to talk to your father for a few minutes.”

“Mother!”

“Leave, honey!”

“Oh, all right. ” She stomped from the room, glaring over her shoulder at her father.

“Moe, I think I know what you’ve got in mind.”

Green leaned back in his recliner. By no means would it be the first time that Margie had virtually read his mind. “Okay, the floor is yours. Let’s hear what I’ve got in mind.”

“When we got married, your family, for all practical purposes, disowned us. The sole exception was Sophie. It was a reaction that affected you about the way news of life on Mars might. You don’t give a damn about anybody. So why do you push Morris on Judith so relentlessly? Morris has neither the brains nor the looks to attract any girl of any age. But in Judy he’s got the cream of the crop. You’re giving him a queen on a platter. You don’t even care about your only daughter except for what she can get for you.”

“Where is this going, my love?”

“To Morris’s father Sam, I do believe.”

Moe smiled. So far she was right on the money.

“I’d have to be comatose not to know what Sam’s doing,” she continued. “It’s Amway. He’s been selling Amway stuff for a long time now. You’ve been itching to get in on this. But you can’t quite figure out how to get in on it and at the same time keep up your practice. I sympathize; it’s tough to sell something to somebody after he’s anesthetized. Beforehand, your patient is too worried about the operation to get really interested in carpet cleaners. And afterward, he’s so happy he survived, he considers nothing more than getting the hell out of your hospital.”

Moe kept a straight face. Margie dealt in sarcasm. She was good at it. He didn’t care-particularly if she could come up with a solution to his problem.

So far, the best plan he could muster was to try to get on Sam’s good side. That would take a bit of doing. Even if Sam were willing to strike some sort of deal, Moe faced the implacable hostility of just about all his relatives who refused to recognize his marriage to a shiksa. Sam was reluctant to risk inclusion in the family’s ostracism of Moe.

However, Sam also was painfully aware that his son Morris was a social misfit. Put that on one side of the scale with beautiful, attractive, desirable Judith Green on the other and Morris becomes a happy camper. As does Myrna, mother to Morris, wife to Sam.

Any way one looked at it, it was a good fit.

Neither Sam nor Myrna wanted to incur the family’s ire. Yet they knew that Morris’s best-perhaps only-chance to be societally acceptable was in liaison with Judith.

Without Judith, and on his own, Morris likely would marry someone much like himself, and they would breed other little misfits. With current life expectancy, Sam and Myrna would be forced to grow old watching all this happen.

All of this Moe had forestalled. With little concern, he would sacrifice his only daughter for a share in Sam’s profits.

Judy hated the situation, but what could she do? And it was even worse than she realized: Her father’s scenario, unbeknownst to her, was leading her toward a brokered marriage.

And why not? From Moe’s vantage point, if it was good enough in the old country in olden times, it was good enough now.

Actually, that rationalization was beside the point. Simply put, Moe wanted a piece of Sam’s Amway action. If Judith was the price-so be it.

Enter Margie, with what she believed was a viable alternative.

“You can have what you want, Moe,” Margie said. “Without having to romance Sam at all. Without sacrificing your daughter. Or, to look at it from your angle, without having your daughter disturb your reading of the financial page.”

“Sounds pretty good, my dear. Just how does this happen?”

“Sam makes good money on Amway. And he works like a dog doing it,” Margie explained. “But Sam is shortsighted. He could make tons more if he concentrated on recruitment. He needs to spend more time recruiting other people into selling Amway. The way to make real money is to expand the network. That way you earn a percentage on the sales of your new recruits.”

“Smart, Margie. Very smart,” Moe said. “But how does that help me? I got as little time in the evenings as I got during the day.”