Stuart Kaminsky - Poor Butterfly

“The San Francisco Metropolitan Opera Building,” she said. “Second floor. Main offices. Will ten o’clock be possible?”

“Inevitable,” I said.

“It involves a rather delicate matter,” she said softly. Someone interrupted her. There was a man’s voice in the background. I couldn’t make out the words. “Maestro Stokowski would like to provide the details himself when you arrive.”

“Maestro Stokowski,” I repeated. “Leopold Stokowski?”

“Yes.”

“Ten, Sunday morning,” I said. “I’ll be there. I’d like the advance in cash when I get there. Now, give me a phone number I can check to be sure this isn’t a bad joke. We get those in my business.”

“Yes, of course.” She gave me a number in San Francisco. I wrote it down. It’s hard to write on waxed paper, but I’ve had experience.

I hung up first and looked at Dash.

“Want to go to San Francisco?” I asked.

He ignored me. I took it as enthusiastic agreement. I told him it might be better if he stayed home and slept.

I was back in business. I made a call to my ex-wife, Anne, to let her know I would be out of town for a while. She wasn’t home. I called her at the travel agency in Beverly Hills where she’d recently gotten a job. Anne has been up and down with me, and then later with her second and now deceased husband, Ralph Howard. Howard had lived high and left her nothing much. At the age of forty Anne had pulled herself together, taken a couple of deep breaths, put on her makeup, and gone back to work. Her airline experience landed her the travel job. The woman who answered the phone said there was no Anne Peters working at the Intercontinental Travel Agency.

“How about Anne Howard?” I said.

“I think you may want Anne Mitzen,” the woman suggested.

“Her maiden name was Mitzenmacher,” I supplied.

“Really?” the woman said with no real interest.

“I used to be married to her,” I explained.

“Fascinating,” she said. “I’ll get her.”

Another pause. I heard the kid in Shelly’s chair let out a small squeal. I tried to ignore it. Anne came on the line.

“Toby. How did you find me?”

“I’m a detective.” I reminded her.

“Don’t call me here again.”

“You are voluptuous,” I said.

“Toby.” There was a warning in her voice.

Anne is a dark beauty, full bodied, with soft skin. She’d walked out on me a little over five years earlier when it was clear that I would never grow up and didn’t want to. We had no kids and lots of regrets.

“I’ve got a job in San Francisco,” I said. “Client’s Leopold Stokowski.”

Long pause while she decided whether to play along for a few more seconds, take me seriously, or just hang up.

“Leopold Stokowski,” she repeated.

“You know, the conductor. The one on NBC. Did the dinosaur bit in Fantasia? We saw him in that movie A Hundred Men and a Girl .”

“I know who he is, Toby,” she said. “You did not see that movie with me. We were divorced when that movie came out. It must have been someone else.”

“There is no one else.”

“Have a good trip,” she said. “Try not to call me when you get back.”

“I thought we were friends again,” I said. Dash meowed and licked his lips, then he pushed his nose under my hand to get at the waxed paper.

“Let’s put it this way,” she said. “When I need your company, I’ll call you.”

“You’re going with someone.”

“Detective,” she said.

“He’s a detective?”

“No,” she said with a sigh. “You’re the detective. You figured it out Congratulations. I’ve got to get back to work.”

“Who is he?”

“Good-bye, Toby. Take care of yourself.”

She hung up. I considered calling her back but patted Dash’s head instead and got up. I came around the desk with the phone in hand and Dash at my feet. When I opened the door to Shelly’s office, he was talking to the wide-eyed kid in the chair. The kid couldn’t have been more than nine or ten. In Shelly’s hand was a slightly rusted tool that looked like pliers with vampire teeth.

“Dogs,” Shelly was saying to the kid. “You got a dog?”

The kid didn’t have a dog. He had a cheek full of cotton and a frightened look in his eyes but no dog. He shook his head. No dog.

“Shel.” I tried to interrupt, but he was pursuing a different voice inside his head.

“Know anyone who has a dog?” he asked the kid.

The kid thought furiously. His eyes darted back and forth. He wanted to give this man with pain in his hand the answer he wanted.

“My Aund Saurah,” the kid mumbled. “She hah a gog. Barry.”

“How’s his breath?” asked Shelly, reaching over to open the boy’s mouth for a close look.

“Breaff?” the kid said with Shelly’s finger in his mouth.

“Smells like a sewer, right?” asked Shelly.

The kid shook his head in agreement.

“Thought so,” said Shelly, standing straight and tapping the pliers in his palm. “How much you think your Aunt Slush would pay for a pill, something she could put in Harry’s food to make his breath smell good.”

“Aunt Saurah and Barry,” the boy corrected cautiously through a mass of cotton.

“That’s a non sequitur,” said Shelly, pleased with himself. He looked at me for vocabulary credits. I smiled. I wanted something from Shelly.

“Barry bides,” the kid said.

“So, he bites,” responded Shelly, undeterred. “Is that any reason he should be allowed to smell like a cow’s ass?”

“Sounds like a great idea to me, Shel,” I said, trying to draw his attention. “I think you just got it from me.”

He woke from his dream of a multimillion-dollar dog breath fortune. “I’ve been thinking about this for years,” he insisted, pointing the pliers at me.

“Am I done?” asked the kid, pulling cotton from his mouth and throwing the bloody mess in the spit sink.

“Yeah, sure,” said Shelly absently.

The kid threw off the dirty towel around his neck, jumped from the chair, and ran out the door.

“I’m going to San Francisco, Shel,” I said. “Job for the Opera.”

“Mildred says she likes opera.” He looked past me at the door as if his wife, Mildred, would come bursting in, demanding that he clean up the mess. A few months earlier Mildred had run off with a Peter Lorre impersonator. I’d helped Shelly get her back and get her off a murder charge when the guy was killed. I thought Shelly was better off without her, but he still worshipped the ground she spat on.

“Maybe Mildred really likes opera,” I said.

Shelly grunted. “I’ve got this chemical somewhere,” he said, turning from me and walking to one of his grime-covered cabinets. “Salesman gave it to me. If it works on people, why not animals?”

“I need twenty bucks, Shel,” I said.

He stopped in front of the cabinet, adjusted his glasses and cigar, and looked at me again.

“Five minutes ago we were barely acquainted. Now you want twenty bucks and we’re friends.”

“I didn’t say we weren’t friends. I said we weren’t partners.”

“I like to think of us like … Cagney and Pat O’Brien in Crash Dive ,” Shelly said.

“You’re a visionary, Shel. I’ll get an advance in San Francisco and send it back to you Monday.”

Dash had jumped into the warm spot of the chair the little boy had vacated.

“No you won’t. You’ll forget. Someone will try to kill you or something and you’ll forget.” He pouted. “Money doesn’t come that easily, Toby. Here’s what that kid just paid me for pulling a tooth.”

He dug into his pocket, came up with a crumpled piece of newspaper. He put his cigar in his mouth and placed the pliers on top of the cabinet where he’d be sure to forget he’d left them and opened the piece of newspaper to reveal two quarters.