George Higgins - A change of gravity

"That's how it was between David and me," Sally said. "That's just how I felt the first time I slept with him: "I'm very uncertain about this.

Not sure at all that I want to be with him, I even like him enough."

And then he turned out to be good in bed. Not that I had that much to compare him with, only two or three guys, but I certainly wasn't a virgin. He made my lights blink on and off. He said I was the best that he'd ever had I think he was telling the truth. But we were healthy young horny kids; what the hell did we know? We thought great sex was all it took. Trouble was that it isn't, and that was all we had."

"I think that's a good part of what I've got with Amby," Diane said.

"But at my age, that may be enough. It's sort of like finding this great big dog around, when all I've ever been used to is cats; never had any interest in dogs. Never asked for a big friendly, clumsy dog, but now suddenly I seem to have one. And he gets into things all the time."

She heard Sally laughing.

"Yes," she said, 'well, all right. But that's what I'm saying: that may be why I keep him around. Sometimes I get impatient with him.

Sometimes I'd like to kick him, give him a good swift kick in the pants and see if that might shape him up. But I don't, or I haven't so far, at least. And I must say most of the time I do like having him around.

Even though I'm never really sure, from one moment to the next, what he's going to do, and sometimes it turns out to be something I don't like."

"Amby," she said, in the car again, 'come on now, let it out. That's what friends're for."

"Okay," Merrion said, exhaling heavily, 'sorry that I brought it up and it's against my better judgment, but okay, here we go. Yesterday morning, my day off, I start off by going to the office. This's because the judge and I, as I think I may've already told you, we've got one of our projects going on, only it's not going on exactly the way we had in mind when we started it, all right? So we've been getting a little concerned about it lately, some of the reports we've been getting."

"This would be one of those jazz improvisations with the law you two enjoy so much?" Diane said. "With absolutely no authority to do them?"

"Yeah," Merrion said, 'a diversion. What we had in mind when we decide to do this one and having in mind like you just said: we don't have to do them was to see if maybe we can save this woman. She's basically retarded. Mildly, but retarded. If somebody doesn't at least try to do something for her, she's going to get so deeply involved in the criminal justice system where we're both convinced she does not belong that she's going to get hurt. And Lenny and I just decided we don't want that to happen."

"Yes," Diane said. "This would be the woman that got involved with the evil gypsy. And I told you at the time I didn't see how you had any power to do this, and I thought it was a rotten idea. The woman who worked at the pizza parlor and she got herself mixed up in the swindle with the shrewd old lady and the bank account."

"Well, the Burger Quik onna pike, but yeah," Merrion said, 'that's the one I mean. And the judge and I know very well, going into this, what people would think of what we're trying to do here. We're not under the impression that the vast majority of people would necessarily approve, wholly if they knew what we were doing, completely on our own.

If someone was to tell them what it is we're doing and then ask them what they thought of it, a lot of them would then say: No. We're under no illusions here. We know what we're doing goes totally against the grain, completely against the grain, of the attitude that the majority of people today have toward the criminal justice system. What it should be doing and what direction it should be taking. What it ought to be accomplishing; the kind of results it should be getting, what we've got a right to expect.

"That's what they think, and that's the end of it. No matter what you tell them, you're not gonna change their mind. Inna popular mind now, the purpose of the justice system is punishment. "No, no more talkin' here. Get 'em off a the streets; we're afraid of them. Lock'em up an' then get rid of the key."

"We know this. People who're involved inna system like Judge Cavanaugh and I, who actually know how it works and what it does to people, we're not supposed to say: "Well, yeah, we hear what you're saying. But we still think what may be called for here, in this particular case, involving this particular person, is something slightly different.

Instead of assuming that the best thing we can hope for is what you know you'll get, if we just let the system work the way it normally does, let's see if maybe we can adapt the system a little.

'"See, the system assumes that offenders're fungible; every one is the same. What works for one'll work for all the others. That's why the system doesn't always work very well. Offenders're people, and people aren't fungible. And Judge Cavanaugh and I think when you get a case like this one, what you oughta do is individualize the approach. See if something a little different might not work a little better."

"You mean you've aborted another prosecution," Diane said. "That's what it amounts to, isn't it? Just sort of noodged it off to one side where the two of you can play with it for a while. With no idea at all what the outcome of this little game will be. That's why you're so bothered; something's gone wrong: just like I told you it would when you were so excited telling me a year ago about it. I knew right off it was dangerous. I told you. You wouldn't listen. You reacted the way you always do when you've asked me what I think about something you propose to do and I tell you "Not much." You got hurry and said: "Well, I'm the expert. You don't know what you're talking about."

"You did it today, not fifteen minutes ago, when I asked you a harmless question about how much hope some young kid has of ever getting help. I can't imagine why you're telling me about this poor woman again, this case that you've been screwing up, when we're trying to have a nice day."

"Well, if that's what you want to call it," he said, 'you could call it "screwing up," yeah. But if you're asking me for the term that I would use, I would say her case has been continued. Looks like just every other continuance we got, and there're dozens of 'em, literally, more'n you could shake a stick at. Technically that's what it is.

"But I would call it more of a suspension. We've continued the case, but we really don't expect… it isn't like we think there's going to come a day when this case's called for trial. No witnesses, for one thing; the old lady who's the victim was sharp but she wasn't in good health back when the incident occurred. And my understanding even then was that if much more'n another month went by before the matter came to trial, it'd be touch-and-go whether she could testify. And that was a year ago. So no, a trial in this case isn't out of the question; it's not very likely, is all. But we haven't screwed anything up."

"You're gambling," she said. "She doesn't know it, but this woman that you're trying to control… what was her name again? I can almost see it in my mind."

"LeClerc," he said. "Janet LeClerc' "Yes," Diane said, "Janet. Poor little Janet LeClerc, getting bossed around by you, who've got absolutely no authority to make her do anything, no case against her at all. But she doesn't know this, and wouldn't know what to do about it if she did she isn't bright enough.

The only reason that she's trying to do what you tell her is because you've tricked her, you and Cavanaugh. Lied to her, deceived her, conned her just like the gypsy who was conning her and the other woman to cheat the sick old lady. The sheer moral arrogance: breathtaking."

"Well, Jesus Christ, Diane," he said, 'this's for her own good. It isn't like we're doing this because we want to hurt the woman, here, you know. That's what I'm trying to tell you. That this's something that we decided we would try to do, thought it would be a good thing for us to try to do, and now it turns out, like I said, that there was a catch."