George Higgins - A change of gravity

"This is all of you guys now, I'm talkin' about here. Alia pols except Kennedy. He's got money. So he must've just needed something to do.

Did everyone else a big favor, outta the goodness his heart. But all the rest of you ran for something one day on a whim, and then you won, no work involved. Except for that one lucky hunch, you're no different'n the guy snarling at me is. Prolly not even as good.

"I was not prepared for this. My father envied pols; he admired them.

He wished he could be one himself. I used to think when I was younger, 'fore I went to work for you, it was too bad Pat didn't run for office.

Even if he'd lost. At least he would've tried; gotten it out of his system.

"More'n just the town committee. Selectman, maybe, or town moderator.

Or something part-time with the county. Because he loved the game so.

"He said the reason that he didn't, people sometimes told him he should run? If he announced for office, he'd offend people. Make a bunch of enemies just by doing that.

'"Just by running, you piss people off. Whadda you think you're doin', goin' after that job? You sure've got some kinda nerve.

"They think they should be the ones to have the job, even though they never thought about it until they heard you wanted it. So therefore they're mad at you.

'"And if I lose, can I still do my job selling cars? People're now mad at me. For the rest of my life there'll be a group of people out there who'll never buy a car from me. Or from any other salesman who works for John Casey either, because I work for him and that means it's his fault too. Win or lose, I hurt John. I don't wanna do that. Create a group of people who if they still buy Fords will buy them in Springfield because I ran for something their kid brother Mikie wanted.

If I beat him I'm a bastard, because I took what he wanted. If I lost, it doesn't matter; I'm still a bastard because I made Mikie work for it, made him spend a lot of money he could otherwise've kept."

"Okay, that's what he said. But now that I've been in it like I have with you, I think he was pretty smart. He didn't come right out and say it, but he knew what politics made people think of you; hold you in contempt. Even when you're the guy they voted for, who won. You put yourself in their power, and therefore they despise you.

"Everybody liked Pat Merrion as long as he was a car salesman. They thought his friends got better deals than people he didn't know, so they wanted to be his friends. He encouraged them to think that. Then when it came time for them to buy their next car, they'd think if they bought it from someone else their old pal Pat would be sad. They wanted him to like them. He had the power. But if he ran for office he'd be asking them to like Kim. They would then have the power. They weren't as good and kind as he was, and he knew it. If one of them ran and won, Pat'd admire him. If Pat ran and won, they'd turn mean."

Hilliard laughed. "You do need a change," he said.

"And the court job'd be a good one," Merrion said. "Unless people know someone when you're the clerk, you can say No politely, but say it. And if you do they're shit outta luck. I could get used to that very fast.

"Then there's the nice steady paycheck. Once you start drawin' it, you're set for life. Until it comes time for you to retire, at which point you get a pension. It's not like you start hoping your friend who got you the job loses his next election; naturally you still want him to win. But if some guy comes outta nowhere and sandbags him, well, at least you've still got your job. And on top of that, I've heard reports: There're people who say it's not hard."

"No,1 Hilliard said.

"That's a rumor I heard," Merrion said. "I also heard you get vacation, and every year you stay there you earn more of it. I first heard that, I didn't believe it. But then I think about it. I can see why this would be. It's sort of like sex, I guess, little bit like getting' laid? The more you like your work, the more of it you're naturally gonna do. And therefore the more rest you need from it. Or else your pecker falls off."

"I suppose," Hilliard said. "But could anyone actually tell when you were takin' vacation? How would they know, if they looked around and couldn't find you, that you just didn't happen to come in yet this particular day? Isn't that you're on vacation; you just don't happen to be there, is all. Taking the morning or afternoon off, maybe even the whole entire day, to take care of a few things you know? Errands and stuff, we all have to do now and then. How would they know you were off on vacation?"

"They generally wouldn't," Merrion said. "The clerks're a lot like reps are, in that respect. Which is another feature of the job I really like; the fact that you can be at work and on the job without having to be actually present in the building. I always envied how you can do that."

"It's pretty nice," Hilliard said warmly. "I've said that myself, many times. In fact yesterday, when I was in here, that thought crossed my mind. Technically I was in Boston, because we were in session.

One-hundred-and-eleven-point-six miles away, two-hundred-and-twenty-three-point-two miles, round-trip. Eight cents a mile, couple dollars in tolls, Nineteen-dollars-and-eighty-four-cents if memory serves, and it does."

"And plus which," Merrion had said, 'there's this other aspect of it:

You associate with a much better class of people than you do playin' politics. Better'n I see in here, at least. You're now hangin' out with the criminal element. These're the guys alia liberals think so highly of, victims of society. Much classier type of person, by and large, 'n you're ever gonna run into in politics, people breakin' their word all the time.

"Job in a courthouse, you got some idea what you're dealin' with. Day in, day out, most the people you see're common criminals. And fully qualified, too, every last one of them, to be where they are. You know what to expect. Violators of by-laws, orders, ordinances and rules, regulations, all of those kinds of things, and all kinds, misdemeanors there, too. Your lower-grade felonies, less'n five years; malicious destruction of personal property; indecent assault on a child takes a real classy guy to do that. Gettin' out of a jail before you're supposed to; or you tried and didn't make it, just for tryin'. Forgery, too, all that kind of stuff. Guys who unlimber their dicks at high noon and piss their brains out in the street. Right there in front of the church, Most Blessed Sacrament, say, up in Cumberland, just as the casket comes out. Beat up their kids. Slap their wives around.

Swindle widows; cheat orphans; pick people's pockets. Bang into other guys' cars down the shoppin' mall, right? Without leavin' their name and address, so the poor bastard never knows who it was, put the dent in his car. Let their horny dogs loose with no collar and license.

All of that kinda crap there."

"You've done your homework," Hilliard said.

"Damned right I have," Merrion said. "First thing I do, 'fore I ask for a job now that I had this one, at least is make sure it's a job that I want. This court job I'd fit right in. My kind of people. I'd get along with 'em fine. I'd doin' the same thing you're doin', the State House: fittin' right in with the crowd. Tellin' dirty jokes with the rest of the lads. Steppin' quickly aside but rememberin' to look sad, some pal of ours gets indicted.

"Always sayin' the right thing and so forth. "Tough thing they're doin' to old Magnus there. Trynah heave his ass inna jug; this's a serious thing. I hope it turns out all right for him. But do you think, just asking' here now, but in case it turns out they hook the poor bastard, I could have his parkin' space? Mine's awful far from the door. Rainy days I get all wet." Takin' care at all times none of the shit spraying him spatters you.