Rex Stout - Poison à la Carte

“What is it?” Wolfe demanded. “Something wrong at the restaurant?”

“No, sir. Concerning the misfortune of Tuesday evening.”

“What about it?”

“It would be better for them to tell you. It is their concern.”

I swiveled for a view of Fritz’s face. Had Felix and Zoltan been holding out on us? Fritz’s expression didn’t tell me, but it did tell Wolfe something: that it would be unwise for him to insist on knowing the nature of Felix’s and Zoltan’s concern because Fritz had said all he intended to. There is no one more obliging than Fritz, but also there is no one more immovable when he has taken a stand. So Wolfe merely said that half past two would be convenient. When Fritz had left I offered to go to the kitchen and see if I could pry it out of him, but Wolfe said no, apparently it wasn’t urgent.

As it turned out, it wasn’t. Wolfe and I were still in the dining room, with coffee, when the doorbell rang at 2:25 and Fritz answered it, and when we crossed the hall to the office Felix was in the red leather chair, Zoltan was in one of the yellow ones, and Fritz was standing. Fritz had removed his apron and put on a jacket, which was quite proper. People do not attend business conferences in aprons.

When we had exchanged greetings, and Fritz had been told to sit down and had done so, and Wolfe and I had gone to our desks, Felix spoke. “You won’t mind, Mr. Wolfe, if I ask a question? Before I say why we requested an appointment?”

Wolfe told him no, go ahead.

“Because,” Felix said, “we would like to know this first. We are under the impression that the police are making no progress. They haven’t said so, they tell us nothing, but we have the impression. Is it true?”

“It was true at two o’clock this morning, twelve hours ago. They may have learned something by now, but I doubt it.”

“Do you think they will soon make progress? That they will soon be successful?”

“I don’t know. I can only conjecture. Archie thinks that unless they have a stroke of luck the inquiry will be long and laborious, and even then may fail. I’m inclined to agree with him.”

Felix nodded. “That is what we fear — Zoltan and I and others at the restaurant. It is causing a most regrettable atmosphere. A few of our most desirable patrons make jokes, but most of them do not, and some of them do not come. We do not blame them. For the maître d’hôtel and one of our chefs to assist at a dinner where a guest is served poison — that is not pleasant. If the—”

“Confound it, Felix! I have avowed my responsibility. I have apologized. Are you here for the gloomy satisfaction of reproaching me?”

“No, sir.” He was shocked. “Of course not. We came to say that if the poisoner is not soon discovered, and then the affair will be forgotten, the effect on the restaurant may be serious. And if the police are making no progress that may happen, so we appeal to you. We wish to engage your professional services. We know that with you there would be no question. You would solve it quickly and completely. We know it wouldn’t be proper to pay you from restaurant funds, since you are the trustee, so we’ll pay you with our own money. There was a meeting of the staff last night, and all will contribute, in a proper ratio. We appeal to you.”

Zoltan stretched out a hand, arm’s length. “We appeal to you,” he said.

“Pfui,” Wolfe grunted.

He had my sympathy. Not only was their matter-of-fact confidence in his prowess highly flattering, but also their appealing instead of demanding, since he had got them into it, was extremely touching. But a man with a long-standing reputation for being hard and blunt simply can’t afford the softer feelings, no matter what the provocation. It called for great self-control.

Felix and Zoltan exchanged looks. “He said ‘pfui,’” Zoltan told Felix.

“I heard him,” Felix snapped. “I have ears.”

Fritz spoke. “I wished to be present,” he said, “so I could add my appeal to theirs. I offered to contribute, but they said no.”

Wolfe took them in, his eyes going right to left and back again. “This is preposterous,” he declared. “I said ‘pfui’ not in disgust but in astonishment. I am solely to blame for this mess, but you offer to pay me to clean it up. Preposterous! You should know that I have already bestirred myself. Archie?”

“Yes, sir. At least you have bestirred me.”

He skipped it. “And,” he told them, “your coming is opportune. Before lunch I was sitting here considering the situation, and I concluded that the only way to manage the affair with dispatch is to get the wretch to betray herself; and I conceived a plan. For it I need your cooperation. Yours, Zoltan. Your help is essential. Will you give it? I appeal to you.”

Zoltan upturned his palms and raised his shoulders. “But yes! But how?”

“It is complicated. Also it will require great dexterity and aplomb. How are you on the telephone? Some people are not themselves, not entirely at ease, when they are phoning. A few are even discomfited. Are you?”

“No.” He reflected. “I don’t think so. No.”

“If you are it won’t work. The plan requires that you telephone five of those women this afternoon. You will first call Miss Iacono, tell her who you are, and ask her to meet you somewhere — in some obscure restaurant. You will say that on Tuesday evening, when you told me that you had not seen one of them return for a second plate, you were upset and flustered by what had happened, and later, when the police questioned you, you were afraid to contradict yourself and tell the truth. But now that the notoriety is harming the restaurant you feel that you may have to reveal the fact that you did see her return for a second plate, but that before—”

“But I didn’t!” Zoltan cried. “I told—”

“Tais-toi!” Felix snapped at him.

Wolfe resumed. “—but that before you do so you wish to discuss it with her. You will say that one reason you have kept silent is that you have been unable to believe that anyone as attractive and charming as she is could be guilty of such a crime. A parenthesis. I should have said at the beginning that you must not try to parrot my words. I am giving you only the substance; the words must be your own, those you would naturally use. You understand that?”

“Yes, sir.” Zoltan’s hands were clasped tight.

“So don’t try to memorize my words. Your purpose is to get her to agree to meet you. She will of course assume that you intend to blackmail her, but you will not say so. You will try to give her the impression, in everything you say and in your tone of voice, that you will not demand money from her, but will expect her favors. In short, that you desire her. I can’t tell you how to convey that impression; I must leave that to you. The only requisite is that she must be convinced that if she refuses to meet you, you will go at once to the police and tell them the truth.”

“Then you know,” Zoltan said. “Then she is guilty.”

“Not at all. I haven’t the slightest idea who is guilty. When you have finished with her you will phone the other four and repeat the performance — Miss Choate, Miss Annis, Miss—”

“My God, Mr. Wolfe! That’s impossible!”

“Not impossible, merely difficult. You alone can do it, for they know your voice. I considered having Archie do it, imitating your voice, but it would be too risky. You said you would help, but there’s no use trying it if the bare idea appalls you. Will you undertake it?”

“I don’t... I would...”

“He will,” Felix said. “He is like that. He only needs to swallow it. He will do it well. But I must ask, can he be expected to get them all to agree to meet him? The guilty one, yes, but the others?”