Эрл Гарднер - Something Like a Pelican

“I’ll just take a look at it,” Sergeant Ackley said.

He pulled the gun case out through the window, unfastened the end of the gun case, pulled out the barrels, and held them to the light. The left-hand barrel shone with a clear, smooth polish. The right-hand barrel was choked up with rolled papers.

Sergeant Ackley’s grin was triumphant. He tossed the gun into the back of the car. “Come on, Leith,” he said. “You’re going to headquarters.”

Leith said, “I don’t get you.”

“No. But I’ve got you,” Sergeant Ackley gloated. “It’s been a long lane, but this is where the turn comes. Drive to headquarters, or I’ll put the nippers on you and call the wagon.”

Without a word Leith started the car and drove to headquarters. Following along behind, Captain Carmichael guarded against any break for escape.

In front of the desk sergeant, Ackley permitted himself a bit of gloating. “All right, boys,” he said, “I’ll show you a little shrewd deduction. Give me something I can push down the barrel of this shotgun, and I’ll show you a little parlor magic.”

“Cut the comedy,” Captain Carmichael said.

But Sergeant Ackley couldn’t resist an opportunity for glory. “Notice,” he said as one of the officers handed him a wooden dowel, “that I have nothing in either hand and nothing up my sleeve. I push this wooden dowel through the left barrel of the shotgun, and nothing happens. Now then, I push it through the right barrel, and you’ll see thirty thousand dollars in fifty-dollar bills come showering out on the floor.”

Ackley pushed hard with the improvised ramrod.

There was a period of surprised silence; then a gale of laughter ran around the room as a shower of paper cocktail napkins burst from the barrel of the shotgun.

“A new scheme,” Leith said urbanely. “Someone told me it would keep a barrel from rusting. I decided to use paper in the right barrel and nothing in the left, put the gun away for six months, and see which barrel was in better condition. I’m sorry, Sergeant, but you’ve destroyed my experiment.”

Captain Carmichael took Sergeant Ackley’s arm. “Come on,” he said.

Lester Leith said to the desk sergeant, “I really didn’t steal those cocktail napkins. They were given to me.”

Captain Carmichael rushed Sergeant Ackley outside.

“Blast it, Sergeant, I told you that the big danger about using the Chinese method of fishing was that you had to keep a rope tied tightly around the bird’s neck.”

Sergeant Ackley said, “Gosh, Captain, I’d like to get one of those pelican birds for that lake up in—”

“It wouldn’t do you any good,” Captain Carmichael snapped. “You wouldn’t know how to tie up a bird’s neck so he couldn’t swallow the fish.”